I feel like it's almost there. The snap tends to work more effectively if played on 1's, is this on 2's? Tthe reason why the take has a softer feel to it is that the first part of the jump needs more height t it (closer to the max height at the very end.) Since the start doesn't have as dramatic of a snap, and each shake increases the jump range in roughly even chunks, you're dispersing the pop over a steady spacing, basically losing the snap' of the snap. Snaps are the sudden change of things, so in this case you'll have to resist the urge to evenly space.

Thanks for the advice, I'll try it out. Also, yeah, it is on 2's.