Blood. I’ve got blood on my hands. I can only imagine what sort of bizarre and cowardly acts go on in order to get these creatures this far. Cows. Cows are dangling from their ankles right in front of my face and I’m being told to slit their throats. I know their blood doesn’t even circulate that far, but I can swear I see their hooves turning blue.
“You gonna eat that?” Joe asked; holding a chunk of unidentifiable cow flesh in front of my eyes with a dramatic, and rather sarcastic, look on his face.
Joe was a bombasticjerk who liked to poke fun at my distaste with our profession.
“You disgust me.” I know he already had my answer predicted in his mind, but I felt it necessary to validate my response to him.
“Ralph,” Joe said in a feminine voice. “Can’t you see you’re hurting our relationship when you refuse to let us see eye to eye?” At that moment, Joe had held up two cow eyes, one in each hand, placed between his thumbs and index fingers in an attempt to make it as if the cow eyes were his.
“What theeeeahaagghghhghghghhhhGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” I vomited profusely.
“Are you okay?” Joe asked.
“DONKEY BONER!!!!” Ideliberately yelled at the top of myinedible lungs.
“FATIGUE!!!!”
“Upbraid?!”
“Peruse.”
“Pine&Elementary!”
“CANDIDATE QUEEF!!!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!!!! What are we doing?”
“Cocksneeze.”
“SHUT UP! I’m tired of this terrible writing! This story is going downhill.”
“Cocksneeze.”
At the most opportune moment, after the insult battle had toned down, a murderous serial-killer slit the throats of both Joe and myself, leaving us to choke and drown in our own irony and urine.
“lol.” Said the cow.
“You can’t say that.” Said cow #2.
“We’re all expendable and interchangeable characters” said the horse.
“KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!” said God.
“What is this?! Who in their right mind would hand this in?” questioned Mr. Kolskog.
“Me.” Said Michael Batt.
“I love it. A+!” He exclaimed with glee.
Meanwhile, in the land of reality, Mr. Kolskog slaps Michael Batt across the face with a stamp of an F+ symbol to mortify this poor student for life.
“You said to have fun with this assignment!” screamed Michael.
“Oh yeah.” He twittered.
“I am so sorry. Please don’t fail me. G’night.” Michael whispered as he passed out and never woke up ever again.
THE END







Michael Batt wanted help with his vocabulary project when I came over. The italicized words are the vocabulary words that his teacher wanted to have Michael include in the story (with the exception of one that we added to the list). He was toking, and I was drinking a little, so it's interesting to see exactly where in the story the effects kick in. 2 pages long. What could you loose from reading?

Adam.