I thought it was actually very well written, though there were some grammar/punctuation errors, but I do that too.

Yeah well, it was written at work on notepad, so no spellchecker :P

Interesting read. Makes me want to reinstall it.

trying for a tear jerker...? you will hit all bleeding hearts that read this.

I don't think I was really trying for a tear jerker. This whole story was inspired by one of the "Belive in a hero" ads for Halo 3 in which an old soldier reminisces about the Master Chief and says:

"Chief once told us that a soldier should not be honored for his bravery in battle. He is simply doing his job."

ya, but also by doing his job, you touched on a glitch it an ai, that proves that being human is not just in a body, and you built a surprising level of connection between cybele and aaron, and even thoguh the reader has nothing to start with, you weave in enough humanity to make the characters beleivable, and let the reader become attatched, instead of trying to force the reader to care one way or the other, you just present the story. that is 'in my opinion' one of the great ways and means of storytelling

Well thank you, and yes, one of my pet peeves in storytelling is when the author tries desperatley to get you to care about a character, like with the new Prince of Persia game, they try to force you to care about Elika by giving her a bajillion lines of dialouge about what her life was like blahblahblah....but at the end of the day, as one reviewer put it "she's just an inventory item for you to use."

Now contrast that to Ico where Yorda says NOTHING at all, yet you feel as though you should protect her...and by the end of the game I was in tears when I thought I couldn't rescue her...because it was all done in very subtle ways.

Now if you really want to look for how I made the reader care in this story, again, subtle ways....I compared Cybele to a childlike mentality and understanding of the human condition, and I also gave Aaron a very milatary mind, two very contrasting mindsets, but then I made them both dependant on one another.

Anyway, this comment is getting very long, so I'll just thank you for your kind words and shut up now :P

but...but, intellectual stimulation is good... isn't it? and long discussions are intellectual stimulation. therefore we must conclude that long discussions are good, right?

"Meh" he answered, laconically.

ZzzZzzZzzZzz...
*lifts head*
you say sumthin?
*looks around*
hmm, musta fallen asleep...

Nice work. You really do need to write more.