Story of Smashers
Chapter 5: Polly Want a Cracker?

A/N: I might (probably will) introduce Corrin and Bayonetta sometime in a future chapter. However… given the kind of character Bayonetta is, I feel like I’d have to increase the rating from K+ to Teen to accurately keep her character unless I wanted an OoC Bayonetta. I will NOT compromise her being OoC for the sake of a rating, so expect this fic’s rating to rise to Teen (on FanFiction) when she is introduced. However, she will still be in character to her source games, just toned down like in Smash 4. I’ll give her (minor) swears back as well, and she will still be very fanservice-y. I’d hate to do her a disgrace.

“You seem rather surprised.” Cloud spoke to the audience.
‘Surprised’ would be an understatement. No one, literally no one in the Smash Mansion, would have ever seriously entertained the idea of Cloud Strife joining the battle. The entire mansion always considered someone like Cloud to be a joke suggestion to join the fight, because his game of origin, Final Fantasy VII, was considered a landmark Sony PlayStation title, and symbolic of Final Fantasy’s move from Nintendo consoles to Sony consoles. The entire audience was loud and chaotic with confusion. Everyone had very different reactions.
“How?” Falco asked his buddy Fox, both of them in awe. “Just how did Master Hand hook up Cloud freaking Strife from Final Fantasy 7 to join the tournament?”
Fox shrugged. “Beats me. I’m surprised it didn’t take a human sacrifice to pull that off.”
“At least it wasn’t Wolf.” Falco smirked. “Because if only one of us could remain in the next tournament, it was going to be me. That wolf can cry all he likes.”
“Falco, he beat you within an inch of your life when you bragged that he was cut. If he comes back, you’re going to have hell to pay.”
Falco’s smirk turned into a terrified look in his eyes. He remembered that visit to the hospital. It was NOT a fun 6 months. “Oh… right. You don’t think it’s likely he’ll come back… do you?”
“Considering how much you rubbed it in, I hope he doesn’t come back for your sake.” Fox laughed.

“Cloud Strife… by the Goddesses, how could this happen?!” Link griped angrily next to Zelda.
“Link… come on. I thought you were over this. It was the late 90s, for Nayru’s sake.” Zelda sighed.
“Zelda. Cloud is my arch-rival. My enemy. His Final Fantasy VII was in direct competition with MY Ocarina of Time and is the living embodiment of Nintendo vs Sony! I can’t believe Master Hand could do this to us!”
“I, for one, actually look forward to battle with him.” Sheik grinned confidently, knowing full well that Cloud was a very strong contender.
“Oh, Sheik! Not you too! You’re not siding with me on this?! This is our integrity at stake!”
“Gee, I never thought my older, less toony, counterpart would actually be less mature than me regarding this.” laughed the voice of Toon Link.
“Yeah? Easy for you to say. Wind Waker wasn’t in direct competition with Final Fantasy FREAKING SEVEN! Am I really the only one with some sort of integrity about our own franchise?!”
“Says the Hylian who still sleeps with a night-light.” Toon Link laughed.
Ganondorf could be heard laughing right behind them. “Really? That is some rather… heh… interesting news.”
Link sighed, pulling his green cap over his face. Maybe the humiliation would go away if he just ignored it…

Peach seemed to be almost star-struck with Cloud. Despite the fact that she was currently a couple with Mario, she couldn’t help but admire Cloud.
“Wow… He’s so muscular and handsome. Imagine being rescued by him…” Peach sighed, already daydreaming about it.
She could picture it now. She was trapped in a cage above a lava pit, with a battle between the villainous Bowser and that hunk Cloud. With just one swing of his giant Buster Sword, Cloud knocked Bowser straight into the lava pit. The swordsman lowered the cage away from the pit and onto the concrete, assisting Peach out like a true gentleman.
“Oh Cloud, thank you so much.”
“Anything for a lady as beautiful as you.” Cloud smiled, leaning in for a kiss.

“Umm, Peach.” Mario said, tapping his hand on Peach’s shoulder to catch her attention.
“Yes Cloud, I do…” she muttered.
“Peach!”
“Huh?! What?!” she said in alarm, snapping out of her daydream. In front of her was Yoshi, who had lipstick all over him and was blushing madly. “I umm… I appreciate the kisses Peach, but…”
“Oh. Oh my goodness. Yoshi, I’m so sorry. I guess I got a little distracted…”
Mario laughed. “Ha! A little? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out you were fantasizing about Cloud.”
Peach felt rather sheepish, chuckling nervously. “Heh. Umm… I apologize about that, Mario.”
Mario smiled. “It’s fine, Princess. I got a good laugh out of it anyway, so it’s no big deal.”
Peach only blushed at this, but went ahead and hugged Mario anyways.
“Aww… Peach…” the plumber smiled.

Mewtwo watched Cloud from where he was at. He had to admit, he was surprised like the others. But now, that was of no concern to him.
“A human with genetic enhancements, huh?” Mewtwo said, knowing full well of Cloud’s story. “This should prove to be interesting.”
Ness seemed curious at this. “He has genetic enhancements? Cloud? He looks pretty normal to me.”
Mewtwo nodded. “He does. If I recall correctly, he is infused with Mako energy and had Jenova cells injected into his body. It makes him far stronger than an average human.”
“Wow. That explains how he could use such a gigantic sword so easily. Seriously, it’s HUGE!” Ness exclaimed.
“Yes. I most definitely look forward to a battle between the genetic experiment and the genetically enhanced human.” Mewtwo smirked, eager to battle Cloud when that time would come.
Lucas looked at Cloud as well, but only had one question in comparison. “…How does he keep his hair so spiky?”

“All right, all right. Settle down, everyone. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with a bunch of toddlers… Just find a spare seat, Cloud.” Master Hand muttered, letting Cloud sit down.
Cloud looked around, finding a spare seat where the Fire Emblem characters were, walking up and sitting down next to Lucina.
That was a mistake.
“EEEEE! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!” she squealed, absolutely fangirling over him. “You’re Cloud! I mean, THE Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII! Can I ask you some questions? How do you keep your hair so spiky? Did you get together with Tifa or Aerith? YOU’RE HOT! …Can you sign my face?”
Cloud forced himself back in his chair, attempting to get away from Lucina’s uncomfortably close position. He looked at Marth, with a mix of ‘help me’ and ‘who on earth is this crazy woman?’ on his face.
Marth cleared his throat, prying Lucina off of Cloud. “I… uhh… I apologize, Cloud. It is a great honor to meet a legend such as yourself. And Lucina is normally a very composed lady. But… Lucina is… a big fan of you. Almost disturbingly so.”
“I can tell.” Cloud deadpanned. “I’m fine as long as she isn’t writing smut with me and… Sephiroth.” the spiky-haired swordsman shuddered. He never wanted to read a Cloud/Sephiroth yaoi fanfic ever again as long as he lived.
Lucina only blushed at this, quickly retreating back to her seat. Cloud simply sighed.

Master Hand spoke up again. “Anyway, that’s it for now! As I said earlier, we have a scheduled match coming up. It’s a classic, the ever popular Mario vs Sonic! Those who wish to attend the match can follow us. Mario, Sonic, and I will head to the teleporter and begin preparations.
Mario leapt out of his seat and walked over to Sonic, who was still talking to himself. “And then there’s Chris and Cosmo from the anime, Scratch and Grounder from the cartoon series…”
The plumber sighed in exasperation. “Sonic.”
Sonic waved. “Hey, bud. What’s up? I’m ready for that match between us!”
Mario nodded, the two following Master Hand to the teleporter which would take them to the stage they wanted to battle on. A couple of other Smashers, specifically Rosalina, Fox, Falco, Samus, and Palutena went along to go into the viewing booth and watch the match live via a camera.
“So, what stage do you want?” Mario asked. “Only legal? Only Omega? All stages?”
“All stages.” Sonic affirmed. “Except for Pac-Land. I hate Pac-Land.”
“Who doesn’t hate Pac-Land?” Samus griped, recalling a match she lost on that stage in her Varia Suit form due to an unfair in-stage fire hydrant pushing her off-stage as she was attempting to throw Donkey Kong off-stage first. The extremely fast scrolling speed of the stage assured the loss of her final stock.
“And it’s also hideous.” she added under her breath.
Fox looked to Falco. “Hey… Falco. You want to make a little bet?”
Falco’s interested was piqued. “I’m listening.”
“First off, who do you think is going to win this match? I think Mario will with his great moves and edge-guarding abilities.”
Falco scoffed. “Please. It’ll be Sonic. As annoying as the guy is, Mario can’t match his sheer speed.”
“You confident about that?” Fox smirked.
“Since when am I not confident?” Falco bragged.
“OK then. So, if Mario wins then you get to be Crazy Hand’s pet for the day.”
Falco’s eyes widened again. “Are you insane? Who knows what the heck that Hand would do to me?! Did you SEE Riki?! It’ll be endless hours of ‘Polly want a cracker?’ for me!”
“Chicken.” Fox challenged.
“I am not… You know what? Fine!” Falco accepted. “But if Sonic wins, then YOU get to be Crazy Hand’s pet!”
“Deal.” Fox said, offering his hand. Falco took it.
“Prepare to be humiliated by Crazy Hand.” Falco laughed. “I’ll take pictures. I can only imagine what he’ll do to you, if he tried to house-train Riki!”
Fox was silent, though smirking, as the group arrived at the teleportation device. Mario and Sonic stepped on two of the eight teleportation devices, with the extra four having been installed for the new 8-player matches. The others went into a theater of sorts, with the match about to start. Everyone took their seats, watching the stage be selected.
“Looks like they’re choosing that new Suzaku Castle stage.” Rosalina said, having been seated next to Palutena.
Palutena observed the celestial goddess. She smiled. “I don’t believe we’ve met, have we?”
Rosalina looked at Palutena, realizing this. “You’re right. Well, I’m Rosalina, Guardian of the Cosmos.”
Palutena shook her hand. “And I’m Palutena, the Goddess of Light.”
Rosalina chuckled. “Something tells me that we’re going to get along just fine.”
Samus spoke up, who sat next to Rosalina. “Hey guys. The match is starting.”
“Oh. Right.” The two goddesses nodded.

Mario hopped out of the pipe, appearing on the left side of the stage while Sonic spindashed onto the right side of the stage.
“Ready for this, Sonic?” Mario smirked.
“If you can keep up with me.” Sonic bragged back.
The countdown started.
“THREE!”
Mario adjusted his cap, facing Sonic with a determined look in his eyes.
“TWO!”
Sonic jogged a bit in place, just as determined as Mario.
“ONE!”
The two stared each other down, ready to take out their opponent.
“GO!”

Meanwhile, Cloud was getting to know some of the other Smashers. He had already familiarized himself with the Fire Emblem crew, but was trying to keep his space from Lucina after the uncomfortable incident in the auditorium. Currently, he was meeting with the Legend of Zelda characters. He and the Zelda crew were in the snack bar, picking up a few snacks to eat and to just talk and chill out.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Cloud.” Zelda smiled. “Your legends of what you’ve done have even spread out as far as Hyrule.”
Toon Link nodded. “Yeah, and I’m really eager to fight you. I can hardly wait for a match between us.”
Cloud smiled. Toon Link seemed like a nice little guy. He’d have to take him up on that offer sometime.
“Yeah well… don’t expect me to get all buddy-buddy with you.”
That voice didn’t come from Ganondorf, but surprisingly Link himself.
“I can take a wild guess. You aren’t exactly happy to have me here, aren’t you?” Cloud said. “Don’t you think it’s time to let those Final Fantasy 7 vs Ocarina of Time wars go? They’re both great games.”
“Listen… Cloud… we are sworn enemies. You are a symbol of Sony and the symbol of Final Fantasy’s treasonous turn from Nintendo to Sony. How could I EVER forgive that?! I want nothing to do with a whiny little emo like you.”
“…I thought I was your sworn enemy…” Ganondorf muttered to himself, with a hint of jealousy.
“…You REALLY aren’t going to let that go?” Cloud said, in a bit of disbelief. “Shame. I was rather excited to meet a legendary hero like yourself, but I guess we can’t be friends if you want to treat me like a traitor.”
Cloud bent down to talk to Toon Link, though. “But I’ll take you up on that battle sometime.” he told the Hero of Winds, before leaving the snack bar.
Link has his arms crossed, unhappy about Cloud even being here.
“Wow.” Zelda sighed.
“I know, right?” Link ranted. “What business does a Sony rep have being-“
“Not him!” Zelda shouted back. “You! I never thought you’d act like such an immature little prick to Cloud! Like him or not, he’s an RPG legend, and if you can’t even be in the same room as him without insulting him, then maybe you shouldn’t even be called a ‘righteous’ hero!”
And with that, Zelda stormed out of the room.
Link scoffed. “Fine. But Cloud still doesn’t deserve to be…”
Toon Link interrupted him. “I never thought I’d be disappointed in my older counterpart. Whiny little emo? Really? What are you, 5?”
Toon Link left after Zelda, hoping to catch up with her.
Sheik soon approached Link. “I never thought you would be like this, Hero of Time and Twilight.” After that comment, she silently left. Only Ganondorf remained.
“G-Ganondorf?” Link asked, humiliated again to have to ask his mortal enemy to side with him.
“I could side with you, as I don’t care about him either way… but the humiliation you must be feeling to ask ME to side with you is just too rich to do so!” Ganondorf laughed loudly, leaving behind Link.
Link silently cursed to himself as he was left along in the snack bar.

“Cloud?” Zelda asked, knocking on his door. Currently, Ryu and Cloud were rooming together, and Ryu was out training, as he did a majority of the time.
“Yeah?” came his voice.
“May I come in?”
“Door’s unlocked.” he said casually.
Zelda was a bit surprised at how casual Cloud was acting considering what just happened, but went into anyways.
“Hey, Cloud.” she said, bringing one of her braids back. “I really would like to apologize about Link. What he did was incredibly uncalled for and-“
Cloud shrugged. “Don’t worry over it.” he said, sitting up from his bed to face Zelda. “Honestly, I get that all the time. It hardly phases me.”
“Yeah, well it was still petty for older me to do something like that!” came another voice, that being Toon Link as he came into the room. “He’s older than me! He should know better! I, on the other hand, can’t wait for the chance to take you on the battlefield!” he now said excitedly, eager like the little kid he was.
Cloud chuckled. “I like you, kid. You’ve got spunk. And don’t worry about what older you says about me.”
“Toon Link is right, though. It really is petty.” Zelda sighed “For something that was… almost 2 decades ago? You clearly aren’t sour over those Final Fantasy 7 versus Ocarina of Time wars, so I can’t understand why Link is.”
Cloud smiled. “He’ll come out of it soon enough. Those wars were something fierce, and even I harbored some hatred for Link back then. But those days are long gone. I just hope he moves past it, too. If Master Hand didn’t care about my Sony history and those wars, then I think Link will settle down over it eventually. He just needs time.”
Zelda and even Toon Link softened up at this. “You know what? I think you’re right!” Toon Link said. “I think older me will soften up and be nice to you eventually.”
Cloud spoke up again. “You know, you’re starting to sound a lot like Sora.”
“Who?” Toon Link asked in confusion.
Cloud smirked softly. “That’s a story for another day.”
“OK then. But for now, why don’t we head to the swimming pool to chill out? I warn you, I’m a mean Marco Polo!” he laughed, dashing out of Cloud’s room and towards his room.
Zelda and Cloud laughed as Toon Link dashed out.
“I guess we better go join him, huh?” Zelda said.
“I could use a good dip in the pool, anyways.” Cloud replied, the two heading out of his room.

“This game’s winner is…”
“NO! NO! DARN IT! NO! DARN IT! DARN IT! DARN IT!”
“Mario!”
Those screams of ‘no’ and ‘darn it’ weren’t from a sour Sonic, he was actually applauding his mustached rival. Those screams were from Falco, realizing that he lost his bet.
Fox smirked. “I’ll be sure to take photos for the Internet.”
“…I hate you.”

Several hours later…
“Does Polly want a cracker? Come on, does Polly want a cracker?” Crazy Hand laughed, getting out crackers to feed Falco. The poor bird-man was stuffed into a cage entirely too small for him, as it was designed more for an actual bird than a bird-man. His legs cramped up against the side of the cage, sighing as he saw the crackers. He was starting to get kinda hungry.
Falco sighed. “Yes… Polly wants a cracker…”
“Oh goody!” Crazy Hand said excitedly, stuffing Falco’s mouth full of crackers. He wasn’t going to ever admit it, but the crackers tasted kinda good.
Fox was next to Crazy Hand, taking pictures with his smartphone. “I changed my mind. I won’t upload these to the Internet.”
Falco sighed in relief.
“I’ll just send them to the Star Fox crew and Wolf instead.” Fox smirked slyly.
“WHAT?! NO! Wolf will never let me live it down if he sees me like-“
“Does Polly want more crackers?” Crazy Hand asked again.
Falco sighed, still feeling really hungry. He had missed lunch, and… those crackers tasted really good. “Yes, Polly wants more crackers…”