I like to ramble about stuff when I draw personal art. Here's what's been on my mind lately.

When my son was old enough that we could be sure his eyes were going to stay blue, I was really excited. Not because I really wanted him to have blue eyes, but because I really wanted a piece of myself to show through him. That may sound silly, as I'm his biological mother and he's basically 50% me, but nevertheless, it's what I wanted. As I've come to find, we may be a lot more alike than I originally wished for.

My son has shown significant delays in his development, that have been more evident the older he gets. Physically and intellectually, he's perfectly normal, but he's different from other babies in a few other ways. Despite my family urging me that he's fine, I had him evaluated in February by 4 infant development specialists, just to be sure. The specialists agreed, and we've been meeting with a therapist every week now. While he's too young to be diagnosed, he shows strong signs of Sensory Processing Disorder.

Through our visits with his therapist, I've come to understand so many of his behaviors, and unexpectedly, so many of my own, as well. All my life, I've struggled in many, many ways. With food, with social skills, with lights and headaches and the list goes on. I've searched for a diagnosis for a decade, jumping from this to that and back again. Nothing ever fit quite right, so I began to settle. For awhile, I settled on "hypochondriac". Surely I was making it up. That's what my family wanted me to believe, but it felt so very real. So my next settlement was "I'm just sensitive" and I've kept that label for the longest. "Why do you do that?" "I'm just sensitive"

After learning about SPD, I've never felt more sure in my life about why I am the way that I am. Unfortunately, it's too late for treatment, as this is something that needs to be addressed as early as possible. However, I finally have an answer. I don't have to search anymore. I don't have to wonder. I don't have to be embarrassed about trying to explain myself. Most importantly of all, though, is that I can do something about it for my son. I'm happy for the both of us. We have so much to learn from each other.