EEEK! Try to restrain yourse... AAARRRRGH! *Thud!* *Rend!* *Tear!*

I'm usually great at self-restraint! Only in this case I was not at all well prepared for just how lovely and pao-compatible that series would be. I will not make the same mistake again.

Yes. I'm so grateful for my coping strategies sometimes...

Heheh... I'm happy I haven't watched the thing on the TV, but for opposite reasons... Scary series give me the shivers and nightmares! But on the other hand - what's wrong with indulging in a bit of violence and blood from time to time...? Or was it an expensive sofa...?

The problem is that despite my adorably fuzzy appearance, I'm a monster and I have to keep my control at all times (except for when in really safe company) or Bad Things may happen. Not just to sofas.
I can handle violence and blood fine, usually. I watch other things that have both. I can even cope with cannibalism in normal circumstances. I quite enjoy play-violence with my martial arts' siblings or close friends, but 'Hannibal' was... it was just too good. It as too appealing to me. I couldn't stop shaking for hours, like when you tell a dog to sit still and you throw its favourite tennis ball away over the lawn and the dog just trembles and twitches in the urge to just run after that ball and it knows it can't do it, and it's just waiting waiting waiting waiting... for the command to go fetch, or for you to forget about it and turn your back for a moment and then it will be all over that ball.

This doesn't make me a bad pao, but it does mean I have to know myself, my own reactions and limits, and be really bloody cautious around some things. I find ways for my monstery bits to come out and play in a safe way, like when doing martial arts and terrifying siblings several years my seniors, or when drawing some kinds of art, or cutting/tearing things to tiny, tiny pieces, and it's fine. It works.

But that? Oh, I will watch more 'Hannibal'. Eventually. But in safe company, and with food ready, and not on an empty stomach, and not when I'm too exhausted to deal with what it does to me.

Aha, the problem was that you were hungry and tired! We all slip a bit in our roles at those times, hmm...?

So far, you haven't tried to eat your siblings, so I'd say your self control works just fine.

And, yes, we are a few monsters hidden in reality. The ones who know how to _play_ will almost never be dangerous for real. It's the silent ones who will one day break their self-imposed mental bonds...

No, it's true I haven't even tried eating them! If I did, they would stop twitching, wouldn't they? Then how would they fight back? *grins, baring sharp teeth*

In all seriousness, though, no. But I don't think most of them would put it above me. A few months ago when I was doing a technique exercise with an older and a younger sibling (they took turns striking towards me to let me block and launch a counter strike), and I fell into a very good focus and was very happy and learnt well.

Then my older brother attacked again, and I blocked and did a counter strike and my older brother recoiled and stared at me and very gently said; "Please don't kill anyone today, Pao?" And I realised I had slipped into the "I'm going to end this world and everything in it! ;(" facial expression I always get when I really focus.
So he probably took my counter strike as a bit too seriously meant, but we talked it through and I was more careful after that not to scare him.

I really loved how he put the emphasis on 'today', though. As if he's utterly convinced that someday I most probably will, but this was the last training session before Christmas vacation and it would just be kind of awkward if I killed someone right before that.

I AM BEST MARTIAL ART SIBLING. I MAKE THEIR LIVES INTERESTING. <3

Ohh, lovely comment! I'd loved to see that move...

I've been thinking of attending a long sword course with GHFS. But I usually slip into my silly role when I fight - grinning happily and laughing at mistakes - mine and others.

I only let my inner beast out in role-play. It's all safe and fun. I won't bite hard enough to draw blood, if people don't beg for it, that is...

This weekend I'm going away to a training weekend with my martial arts siblings, actually, to try to learn a form for sabre! I'm really nervous, especially considering how I've been feeling lately, mentally and physically, but the training weekends are mostly to meet people from all over the country and have fun together. So I'll try anyway.

I generally feel much more at ease around people I knew could do me serious harm and efficiently take me down should I do something terrible, because then their safety isn't just my responsibility and that in itself makes me able to relax a bit. Not to mention I'm usually on my best behaviour around them in general, because I'm very well aware that they are teaching me how to be an even more dangerous creature and I want to show them that they aren't making a terrible mistake. I don't want to make Dai Sihing disappointed or make him regret having trusted me. So that's good motivation.

Not to say I never slip up and start grinning when I get to playfight with someone and get to hurt a bit, or when doing da sam sing until my arms are bruised and aching, or when someone glances over me after some harmless but alarming comment on my part. My name's pao for a reason, and it's a gift I treasure greatly. I'm their panther sibling, and while I'm still not an expert on techniques, my spirit is very much that of the leopard style of Kung Fu. It's only good for them that I terrify them a bit from time to time. In a safe environment. While not being their enemy.

I haven't drawn any blood yet, but I leave good bruises.

I'd probably leave a few bruises as well if I were to use my sword in GHFS...
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17420761/

I am questioning her sanity...I love this!~

I've never claimed to be particularly sane. My self-control is excellent, but for very, very good reasons.
And I'm glad you loved it! :3

I love your expression in the middle panel there. Especially since I've seen you make that face IRL.

Thank you, ferrepony friend! Yes, it's a lovely expression, and I think I captured it pretty well. It's usually not an expression of good news, but it's a lovely one nonetheless.

Well, this sure reminds me of myself some eight years back. Things like these, for the lack of a better term, put demons in my mind that took me a few years to overcome. I can relate to this quite a bit.

Good work on the expressions, I like it.

Thank you for your comment!

I have quite a myriad monsters in my head, so to speak, but I'm trying to live a good life with them. Currently working on finding good uses for them that would keep them happy in a safe way for everyone involved.

Oh, is that why you took up martial arts?

Actually, no. The martial arts part of me is entirely unconnected. I will readily admit that it does give my inner monster some fun as well. But I'm definitely capable of finding pleasure in (consensual and safe) fighting and bruises without the involvement of my inner terrorkitten.

It's kind of the opposite, really. The martial arts practice is something that helps remind me I'm more than a monster, that I can also be gentle, and caring, and that I'm in control of who and what I am. That while my claws are sharp and I have no choice in whether or not to have them, I have a choice in how I use them.

And also, it might be worth pointing out that when I end up in fights, I'm really careful not to use anything I've learnt at the Hung Gar when I fight back. Out of respect of dear Dai Sihing, my Eldest Brother there, who knows a lot about me and what I am and my history, and who is still placing his trust in me and that I, despite being a monster, will treat both the art of fighting he's teaching me and my fellow human beings with respect.

My love affair with Hung Gar stretches back to 2002 and earlier. I had to take a break when moving to Stockholm, because there was no kwoon/group here when I moved here, but last summer I found out by chance that there is one now! So finally, after over fourteen years of exile, I have finally found my way back to my beloved Hung Gar family! <3

Few things have made me as happy as that made me. And that he trusts me, despite everything.
I'm so happy to have my Hung Gar family back. I live them so much.

Huh, interesting. I wasn't expecting you to give such a lengthy reply, honestly. I'm almost ashamed that I don't have much to say.
Personally, I'm not into martial arts of any kind, it just doesn't feel right to me. But do what keeps you happy. That's what matters, after all.

Thanks for being so open on this matter. I don't see that often.

Yes, it's a strange habit of mine; giving far too long, far too honest and open answers to straightforward, simple questions. No need to feel ashamed that you are not as verbose; brevity and clarity has their own merits, and we are all different! I'm just glad that this time at least it made someone happy and was useful. :3

I still consider myself more of a storyteller and a painter with words than a painter with pens and paints. Nowadays I have a place in my heart for both and I'm pleased to have taken up drawing for real, but words will always be important to me.

When it comes to openness and honesty, though; I always am. I keep very few personal secrets, having enough with keeping the secrets of others. Sometimes it leads to trouble, but I think that all in all it saves me from more trouble than it causes me.

When it comes to martial arts and my Hung Gar; yes, I have all intentions of staying there, because it does. And I am aware that not everyone enjoys things like that, and that is fine too. Just as it is fine when people like other martial arts than Hung Gar. Just because it's the right thing for me it doesn't mean it's better or that I am better than anyone else.
The need of many martial artists to go: "No, my school of martial arts is the best!" is not for me. I think most of them are interesting in their own ways, they are just not where I belong. There are so many things that are not for me, but I see value and I am impressed with anyone who has found their way and is walking it proudly, pouring their heart into it.

I think in the end, I believe The Book of Five Rings put it best when it stated: "As far as paths are concerned, there are Confucians, Buddhists, tea connoisseurs, teachers of etiquette, dancers, and so on. These things do not exist in the way of warriors. But even if they are not your path, if you have wide knowledge of the ways, you encounter them in everything. In any case, as human beings, is is essential for each of us to cultivate and polish our individual path."

The last part is so important. As living creatures, we all have our different paths to find and walk, and they are all beautiful and worthwhile, and we owe it to ourselves and the world to see where they will lead. The least we can do is wave to one another when they cross or run parallel, and to be kind and gentle when we meet. Be happy when we get companions for part of our journeys and to treat them as well as we can. <3

Ahh, yes, I try to keep an eye on my verbal expression, but while I do not lack the words, I sometimes lack the ideas to form words around. It's a good thing you started drawing, as visual media tend to tell more than anything written. I started, because I couldn't find pictures I liked and decided to make my own. I think your works are pretty good, nicely expressive :)

As for the part about paths, all I can say is, well said. Things like these are never said enough. Thanks.