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STOP!! =O
Take a gander at the wonderful pic that inspired me to write this lovely little piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1897353 by the truly EPIC
Corvuspointer! =3
Now that you have a feel for the poem's atmosphere, have fun interpreting my many metaphors! If you need to know what any of them represent, please don't hesitate to ask me! =P
I really have to thank
Maxgoof for his helpful input (as always) and Corvuspointer for drawing such gorgeous twilight scenery! \(^o^)/
I hope that everyone enjoys this poem; and, as
riddle_me_this would say, DON'T FORGET TO DREAM!! \(^o^)/
EDITED: As of 3/24/09
Take a gander at the wonderful pic that inspired me to write this lovely little piece: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1897353 by the truly EPIC
Corvuspointer! =3Now that you have a feel for the poem's atmosphere, have fun interpreting my many metaphors! If you need to know what any of them represent, please don't hesitate to ask me! =P
I really have to thank
Maxgoof for his helpful input (as always) and Corvuspointer for drawing such gorgeous twilight scenery! \(^o^)/I hope that everyone enjoys this poem; and, as
riddle_me_this would say, DON'T FORGET TO DREAM!! \(^o^)/EDITED: As of 3/24/09
Category Poetry / Scenery
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 90px
File Size 1.2 kB
This poem is truly truly magical. It's not the flow of the words that gets to me as much as it is the flow of the image portrayed... very naturally done! A picture's worth a thousand words, but your words are worth a thousand pictures. Fittingly enough, the picture you provided is worth a million words! Fantastic write.
*picks up cellphone*
(ring.....ring.....ring....)
Merlin: Hello?
D-Tail: Sup Merlin, yeah.....um...I'm gonna need another batch of magical medicated cat food.
Merlin: The NON-lethal brand right?
D-Tail: Yeah.
Merlin: *sigh* Very well, how long would you like him out?
D-Tail: Ehhh, how long would it take me to file his claws down to non-existent?
Merlin: Dunno....
D-Tail: ....crap (>.>)
*puts on Mickey Mouse's Fantasia wizard hat*
\(-_-)/
(ring.....ring.....ring....)
Merlin: Hello?
D-Tail: Sup Merlin, yeah.....um...I'm gonna need another batch of magical medicated cat food.
Merlin: The NON-lethal brand right?
D-Tail: Yeah.
Merlin: *sigh* Very well, how long would you like him out?
D-Tail: Ehhh, how long would it take me to file his claws down to non-existent?
Merlin: Dunno....
D-Tail: ....crap (>.>)
*puts on Mickey Mouse's Fantasia wizard hat*
\(-_-)/
Great poem! Sounds great, very consistent imagery. Alternating the heptameter couplets with the tetrameter is a really nice effect, too.
"Let shine her preconfigured pearls, for stars emit on cue!"
Calling the stars preconfigured is awesome! Associating pearls with emission (especially at night) is a really unfortunate thing to do. I think you want emerge. Yikes!
"I behold with utmost glee."
This is a minor flaw-- behold really needs an object, which it doesn't really take from the previous line in any clear way. Also, "utmost glee" is slightly corny. It works ok given the mood of the whole thing, but.
How deep is this poem, really? I know poets who would grind on about whether it has much to say. But to me, an ecstatic sentiment is COMPLETELY adequate as a poem's subject-- in fact it may be the most natural subject for poetry in general.
Awesome.
"Let shine her preconfigured pearls, for stars emit on cue!"
Calling the stars preconfigured is awesome! Associating pearls with emission (especially at night) is a really unfortunate thing to do. I think you want emerge. Yikes!
"I behold with utmost glee."
This is a minor flaw-- behold really needs an object, which it doesn't really take from the previous line in any clear way. Also, "utmost glee" is slightly corny. It works ok given the mood of the whole thing, but.
How deep is this poem, really? I know poets who would grind on about whether it has much to say. But to me, an ecstatic sentiment is COMPLETELY adequate as a poem's subject-- in fact it may be the most natural subject for poetry in general.
Awesome.
You may be right about that pearl/emission concept Furthling. The basic idea of that line was to say that constellations consist of stars that are more defined in a way; you'll definitely notice THOSE stars! So I don't mind the word change, especially since the meter will hold. A FINE IDEA!! =3
"...utmost glee," yeah I'd say you hit the mark with its corniness. I wasn't sure what else to put to suffice both the meter and the interjection. I'll have to think about how I can change it! =D
As for the depth, yeah, I know what you mean. I'm afraid that I really don't get too deep with MESSAGES and such, or rather I don't know how. Basically, when I saw that lovely scenery that Corvuspointer conjured up, I was just at a loss for words. Hehe, those unspoken words came back later to form THIS!! \(^o^)/
For me, I just like to paint a nice little picture that I can share with others. Imagery is mah friend!! Oh how I love it so. (-_-)
You've been a great help Furthling. I'll definitely take all of your comments into consideration. It all helps make me a better poet! You and Maxgoof are great at giving constructive criticism! I was thinking that we should try to get more poets together, y'know? Well, I'm sure I'll be seeking your advice in the future. So don't be a stranger. =P
Stay tuned for more man!! ^^
"...utmost glee," yeah I'd say you hit the mark with its corniness. I wasn't sure what else to put to suffice both the meter and the interjection. I'll have to think about how I can change it! =D
As for the depth, yeah, I know what you mean. I'm afraid that I really don't get too deep with MESSAGES and such, or rather I don't know how. Basically, when I saw that lovely scenery that
Corvuspointer conjured up, I was just at a loss for words. Hehe, those unspoken words came back later to form THIS!! \(^o^)/For me, I just like to paint a nice little picture that I can share with others. Imagery is mah friend!! Oh how I love it so. (-_-)
You've been a great help Furthling. I'll definitely take all of your comments into consideration. It all helps make me a better poet! You and
Maxgoof are great at giving constructive criticism! I was thinking that we should try to get more poets together, y'know? Well, I'm sure I'll be seeking your advice in the future. So don't be a stranger. =PStay tuned for more man!! ^^
Roger! I agree about getting people together. I have a journal somewhere....
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/607886/
Although it bogs down in debate of meter at some point in the journal, the first post was a rough draft of my idea, and I got a couple people to participate, so. For first time 'round on something I've not tried to advertise, not too bad. If you and Max joined, we'd be underway, I think!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/607886/
Although it bogs down in debate of meter at some point in the journal, the first post was a rough draft of my idea, and I got a couple people to participate, so. For first time 'round on something I've not tried to advertise, not too bad. If you and Max joined, we'd be underway, I think!
Another ballad I see, heehee. I think I might be liking your more traditional works even more than your other ones, probably because you bring them out and make them flare with your own imagery. I especially like the use of exclamation points in this one, it gives it a certain feel...like the cracking of fireworks in the sky =P
Good work X3
Good work X3
Yay ballads!! \(^o^)/
It's definitely one of my favorite rhyme schemes. =3
And I'm glad you like my newer works. I kinda do as well, but I will always hold dear my older works as they show how much I've improved. =P
Also, I never thought of the exclamation points in that manner. You're right; it DOES seem like the lines reach a climax of emotion then BURST like fireworks in the sky!! x3
Thanks for the comment man! =P
*On another note, I understood by context what you meant by "traditional," but what EXACTLY does "traditional" mean in this case?* (o.o)
It's definitely one of my favorite rhyme schemes. =3
And I'm glad you like my newer works. I kinda do as well, but I will always hold dear my older works as they show how much I've improved. =P
Also, I never thought of the exclamation points in that manner. You're right; it DOES seem like the lines reach a climax of emotion then BURST like fireworks in the sky!! x3
Thanks for the comment man! =P
*On another note, I understood by context what you meant by "traditional," but what EXACTLY does "traditional" mean in this case?* (o.o)
I've only ever done one ballad and it wasn't too good, I like other styles better on average I think, though maybe I'll try a ballad again sometime if I ever start doing poetry again X3
As for "traditional," I was going along the lines of "conventional," as in recognized styles and forms of poetry rather than a unique one =P
As for "traditional," I was going along the lines of "conventional," as in recognized styles and forms of poetry rather than a unique one =P
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