i find it hard sometimes to talk about my mental health, and what it does to me. i feel ashamed and embarressed talking about what goes on when something is happeneing or if i just recently suffered. i decided to start making these comics to help me communicate these feelings that i dont know how to talk about. art has always been my means of expression and i think it makes sense that i start expressing my experiences with it.

maybe someone else will relate to these too, and it may help them know they arent alone.




i woke up today from a nightmare about my birthmother that my roomate and friend needed to console me from. it was comforting, but couldnt last long as they had to leave. i tried to greet the day but i ended up trying to take a nap to shake off the fatigue the dream gave me. it only made things worse because i had even more PTSD nightmares. i tried to wake up but i was trapped in sleep paralysis and all i could do was cry to someone to come wake me up. i was home alone so there was nobody to hear my whimpering.
when i woke up, i felt strange. at first i thought i was just disoriented from the paralysis but as i left my room it was more than disorientation. i felt like i was detached from myself, like my perception was altered. but mostly i felt anxious and panicked. i paced the house in this strange transient state before our cat pawed at me for food. i waved him off and kept pacing. he meowed at me, and i felt uncharactaristaicaly irritated with him. i harsly yelled at him and i felt this bizzare anger flush up in me that i immediately shrunk away from. i retreated back to my room and locked myself inside, now afraid of what i was experiencing. the impulsive involuntary rage made me think violent thoughts, which eventualy led to thoughts of self harm. so i spent much of the day in my bed watching youtube videos till it subsided.
after it went away i just was left with fatigue, and guilt. i felt guilty for the thoughts that didnt feel like mine, i felt embarrased that i had made such a "scene". my whole body felt like it hadnt slept in days. its 2am now and im not sure if im going to try sleeping tongiht.