So to preface this entire story, have you ever had those dreams that make you say “What the fuck?” When you wake up?
Yea that’s basically this right here.
So on a sunny Sunday, I was walking to Walmart to pick up some hooks for my coats because without them they would turn into man eating coat monsters. On the main road to the superstore, the grey clouds that covered the sky started to rain kicking ninja’s that screamed Chinese phrases like “Pingguo shi huai” or apples are bad in English
I stood there dumbfounded and yelled to them “Silly ninjas, you’re supposed to be Japanese! Not Chinese!” The ninjas were like “Oh sorry bro, we didn’t know!” And I said with an evil grin, “Well now you do!”
I pulled out some punching gloves with spikes on them and booshed every single one of them in the face. Rainbow blood spewed from the orifices and they said in a last sputter, “Don’t forget the butter queen.”
I shrugged and said “Well, that was fun.” However the main road was contaminated with sparkle germs and I couldn’t get contaminated with that. It wasn’t a cool thing to get a disease from. So I turned down a side road and continued down it.
It turned out to be a neon district with signs for different flavored bubbler drinks and hoses. It’s pretty normal for our city, since we are the number one exporter of bubblers with flavors and hoses. The old men that sat in the middle of the road sneered at me as I walked passed, the typical greeting. I sneered back, giving a nod. They nodded back, and continued to their game of mahjong.
The end of the road lead to an open field of wheat and corn stalks cut in half. “Oh great! I entered the corn and wheat district!” I growled to myself, walking through the fields, quite annoyed of where I was. Wheat was a pain in the ass, as was corn. Potatoes are a better starch.
A black door appeared in the middle of the field and a lonely figure stood infront of it. “Come on in…” It said in high pitched voice. Normally, when a black door and a lonely figure appear, one usually doesn’t take its door. However, since I was in a wheat and corn field, I knew I had to take it.
The figure cleared a path through the wheat and corn, leading me directly to the door. I ran all the way to door, not even stopping to talk to the figure. The last thing I saw before entering the door was the figure eyes growing large and veiny, like a comic cartoon character getting mad and saying “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCK!”
Either way, on the opposite side of the door was a path to Walmart. I was overjoyed! My goal was in reach! So I sprinted all the way to the Walmart, but a big bodacious butter person caused me to slip and land on my face. “I JUST WANTED TO GO TO WALMART!” I yelled, struggling to get up.
The butter person cackled. “Walmart you say? Take another look!” I cocked my head up and stared at what now was a target. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOT TARGET!” I wailed, lines of tears running down my face. “I’M NOT MIDDLE CLASS ENOUGH FOR THAT!”
Then a crater opened up underneath my butter lathered body and dropped me into a pit of lava where I fried for a second.
And then I hit my head on my metal loft bed frame. Good Morning Joshua, you just fried yourself to a buttery crisp and gave yourself a bruise. Happy Friday.

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Okay! This had really nothing to do with anything. It was a dream that I had, and honestly they range from oh okay that's nice to why in the hell is that in my head. I enjoy it immensely and I hope to write more things like this