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Everywhere I look your memory haunts me. We shared so much, and you felt so integrated and ingrained into my life.
I can't shake you from my thoughts; I am hung up and paralyzed by not wanting to forget.
I don't want you to become just someone that I use to know. Being cut out so suddenly and so utterly completely is what stings the most.
I keep telling myself that if I could see you one last time, that it would be enough.....I keep convincing myself that if I could just hear your voice one last time, if I could call you for just a moment, just to hear the words you would say, that it would be enough.
Sleep only brings the misery of waking up without you. You may never get to hear this, and I may never get to say this to you, but you should still know that you brought me the most genuine and unadulterated form of happiness I have ever felt.
art
blindmutt
I can't shake you from my thoughts; I am hung up and paralyzed by not wanting to forget.
I don't want you to become just someone that I use to know. Being cut out so suddenly and so utterly completely is what stings the most.
I keep telling myself that if I could see you one last time, that it would be enough.....I keep convincing myself that if I could just hear your voice one last time, if I could call you for just a moment, just to hear the words you would say, that it would be enough.
Sleep only brings the misery of waking up without you. You may never get to hear this, and I may never get to say this to you, but you should still know that you brought me the most genuine and unadulterated form of happiness I have ever felt.
art
blindmutt
Category Artwork (Digital) / Miscellaneous
Species Dinosaur
Size 795 x 850px
File Size 305.5 kB
Many hugs (if they're wanted). I'm sorry whatever is happening is happening. I can surmise the overall picture even without details, and... it's hard, there's a pit in your gut and it feels like it'll never really go away. It should, with time, though don't let anyone tell you how long that "should" be! You probably won't ever be wholly the same, but eventually you can accept that many things are out of your hands - maybe not fully accept that, because as a species we're big fans of making changes and taking control on macro and micro levels across basically all aspects of our lives. Even typing that wasn't terribly easy because there's certain situations of my own that I still don't fully process as "done and gone", but it eventually gets a little easier. Healing to you and your heart.
(sorry to sound kinda woo-woo, I just... felt for you, heh, and quoting the NIN lyrics helps kick that feeling up because I have felt the sort of sadness that makes that specific song resonate so strongly)
(sorry to sound kinda woo-woo, I just... felt for you, heh, and quoting the NIN lyrics helps kick that feeling up because I have felt the sort of sadness that makes that specific song resonate so strongly)
I just want to say thank you. I haven't been ignoring you, just unsure what to say back, because you really hit the fucking nail on the head.
Accepting that it's out of my control is the hardest thing. I want to DO something about it, but it's crushing me to know that I can't.
It's so easy to forget who and what you are when you are, and hard to see beyond the blinding hurt covering the eyes. It's hard at times to not want to just curl into a ball and never come back out again.
The duality achieved is incredible. Hopeful and sincere things will be better, but then wanting to fuck the world and the whole universe.
I do thank you for taking the time to make a response :) *hugs back*
And good call on NIN. Don't know what it is, but they always just strike the right spot. There is just something about it that makes it seem like your own words are being sung.
Accepting that it's out of my control is the hardest thing. I want to DO something about it, but it's crushing me to know that I can't.
It's so easy to forget who and what you are when you are, and hard to see beyond the blinding hurt covering the eyes. It's hard at times to not want to just curl into a ball and never come back out again.
The duality achieved is incredible. Hopeful and sincere things will be better, but then wanting to fuck the world and the whole universe.
I do thank you for taking the time to make a response :) *hugs back*
And good call on NIN. Don't know what it is, but they always just strike the right spot. There is just something about it that makes it seem like your own words are being sung.
It's no problem! I know what it's like not having the energy to socialize. I'm appreciative that you did so, though! At least I know now I didn't make things weird. :p
I sincerely hope that your insides heal and quiet down as smoothly/quickly as possible (but as I said, I've no delusions on just what a lengthy process that can really be).
If you're at AC this year you should give me a poke, I can give you that hug IRL and maybe we could get a little group together to find some noms. :)
I sincerely hope that your insides heal and quiet down as smoothly/quickly as possible (but as I said, I've no delusions on just what a lengthy process that can really be).
If you're at AC this year you should give me a poke, I can give you that hug IRL and maybe we could get a little group together to find some noms. :)
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