Endless rambles incoming(not looking for feedback, just needed to vent) I thought it was my anxiety getting to me, i was very wrong. It's been my depression, masquerading about as the anxiety, building a silent storm, which just came crashing down on me. It hit me earlier today, and i couldnt for the life of me, stop crying, i hated it. Im useless. I cant work, my family suffers cuz of this, im constantly being yelled at that im fat and fucking lazy, i cant get onto ssi, i cant do anything. I feel like a constant waste of space. It hit me that i was slowly losing the will to live. Now, with that being said, im not planning to kill myself, or anything that drastic. That may take my pain away, but gives it to others to bare. The last thing i want to do is burden anyone else with this crap. I see it as a cowards way out, and im not selfish enough to take that step. On top of that, i cant even enjoy life sober, aint that just pathetic ._. i hate myself and what my life has become. End Ramblings

Now, Mizu's muzzled as im not 'allowed' to talk about my depression/anxiety. I keep being told it'll go away, that its nothing. My mother wont take it seriously. She thinks im being lazy, when i really have no motivation. Hell i barely want to get out of bed anymore. The chains represent my being trapped in my head. Im unable to be free of these consistent voices and nagging. The loneliness that picks and tears away at me. I'm stuck, and i dont kno what to do anymore. The one person i care for more then myself i cant be with and its starting to eat away at me. Little over four years of loneliness. I miss snuggles and movie nights... My usual coping methods no longer work. So what now...