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Hey there everybody! ^,^ More from Barry's story for you to enjoy!
The art here is done by
cuddlehooves who hasn't posted it up in their gallery, but if you like it you should DEFINITELY go check out more of their work! =D They're a great artist who does adorable stuff!
Anyway this is a direct continuation of THIS story, so if you haven't read it yet please follow the link below:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20248011/
With all that out of the way...
In this chapter we get introduced to ANOTHER figure from Barry's past who's made himself know in the present... the cubchoo's self proclaimed RIVAL!! Whether it's rival in cuteness, diaper thickness, or being a tiny pouty baby teen we shall never know~ Either way read more to find out about my little pony here, who he is, and how he's connected to Barry~
And a big thank you to
takinoue for letting me use his character Mitch in this story ^,^
Anyway please enjoy, fav & comment, and have a great day! =D
Mitch owned by Takinoue
Other characters owned by me
Pokémon owned by neither of us
A tall male charizard sporting work-out clothing and a good natured smile stood in one of the PCA’s many gymnasiums, fiddling with his notebook and ballpoint pen. Mitchell “Mitch” Williams worked as a fire type move instructor for the school… so naturally he’d been picked to evaluate the new student to see where he stood as far as battling, fire type control, and similar subjects and how many remedial lessons the kid might need. Mr. Williams, as he preferred to be called by his students, casually looked around the gym, taking everything in and enjoying the view, as he waited for the student to come out of the locker room. The distinctive clopping noise of hooves on tile confirmed the kid was doing just that as the charizard glanced to the door to see who he’d be testing and getting to know this afternoon…
What looked like an extremely large toddler pontya exited the locker room, struggling to adjust the sweatpants shorts he was wearing over his obviously thick diapers. Only the long horn on his forehead, the flames coming from his lower shins instead of his thighs, and his strongly billowing mane and tail, which looked to be as big as he was if combined, would tip anyone off that the little fire type was actually a rapidash. The pony’s chubby cheeks and soft chubby body, the simple t shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide it, added to his toddler-like appearance despite him standing a little over four and a half feet tall. Hooves clicking on the gym’s hard floor the kid clopped over to the dragon, the expression on his chubby face neutral with just a hint of exasperation (as if expecting to have to answer lots of awkward questions), as he stopped in front of the larger fire type and greeted him.
“Hello sir…” the pony’s voice sounded like it suited a high school student in contrast to his appearance as he stood there “Um… how… how is this evaluation going to work?” The charizard smiled at the question before returning the greeting “Hi, young one.” he leaned forward to get a closer view of the little equine before continuing in a friendly tone “I’m glad to see you’re eager to start, but let’s not skip over introductions, okay? You may not think so, but your name is important.” He paused for a moment to appreciate the surprised and slightly embarrassed look on the boy’s face he gave a wink and added “Also, please call me Mr. Williams, all the students do.” The little pony’s cheeks flushed an almost spray-painted on pastel pink in embarrassment as he stuttered “Oh… uh…”
Clearing his throat and trying to act like he wasn’t blushing the rapidash pulled himself up to his full (unimpressive) height, his billowing mane and tail rippling as he did so, and spoke with as much formality as he could manage “I’m Francis, Francis Doncaster… it’s nice to meet you Mr. Williams?” the whole thing came off like Francis was either nervous or unfamiliar with how to handle this situation and was futilely trying to hide it. Mr. Williams just smiled, not drawing attention to the pony’s awkwardness, as he nodded “Nice to meet you too, Francis. You can loosen up, we’re just getting to know each other and that’s also the point of this evaluation” the charizard explained, as Francis listened with rapt attention “to get to know you and figure out where to begin your program and where you need reinforcement.” Mitch flashed another of his warm smiles “Consider this a risk-free test, the worst that could happen would be that you needed to take up a few first year classes, that's not a problem for you, is it?" he finished as Francis stood there, mulling over what his instructor said.
“Not… really…” the pony said, rubbing the back of his head shyly (making his mane ripple more). He looked at the ground kicked his foot lightly to produce a cute clacking sound "Been homeschooled my whole life so got nothing to lose from seeing what other classes are like..." Francis admitted, the pink doll like blush back on his cheeks to highlight his embarrassment. “It’s good to see your open minded” Mr. Williams said with a nod “seems to me you won’t have much trouble adapting.” The charizard opened up his notebook and took a few seconds to write something down before turning his attention back to the foal in front of him “I’d like you to do five minutes of warmups and after that two of stretching. Run laps around the marked combat arena for the warmup.”
There was moment of silence before the foal responded “Er… okay?” before taking a quick look around to try and get the lay of the land. Francis made his lack of experience in an actual school gym, let alone a fighting school’s gym, painfully obvious before he trotted over and pointed at one of the painted markings on the floor “This marked area, right?” he asked, still blushing. The charizard chuckled lightly “Not really, but I guess that one can work as well.” He answered, as Francis’s face fell into an adorably embarrassed pout. Mitch added “And I’d like to ask you some questions while you run, if you end up out of breath you can stop talking but not running, alright?” Mitch explained, experienced with how to handle this after teaching for so long.
Cheeks flushed even more pink and still pouting Francis nodded “Er… o-okay… what was the right one, just for f-future reference?” he stuttered timidly, voice squeaking just a little, before adding “A-and questions are fine…” Mitch pointed for the pony “The square one over there with a pokeball outline in the middle. Start when you’re ready.” Nodding and still blushing the foal trotted over, his thickly padded posterior (visible through his tail flames) shaking under his pants as he did so, and looked around. Eyeing the track to know where he was going before taking a running position Francis bent his legs in preparation for a moment… and took off in an impressively fast jog. Particularly for someone his size and build, handicapped as he was with the thick baby undies around his middle… though there was a distinct, noticable waddle in his gait, it didn’t seem to slow the rapidash down.
A satisfied smile on his face Mitch promptly wrote something down in his notebook before going back to watching the jogging foal “Not bad at all for a start. Do you exercise regularly?” he asked, easily being heard in the spacious gym without raising his voice. “H-have to…” Francis called back, obviously not used to talking and running at the same time despite doing an admirable job of not slowing down in the attempt “D-Doctor wanted me to s-so my muscles developed n-normally. Mom makes s-sure I work out daily.” The charizard nodded in agreement "Well, that was a good call. So your mother monitors your routine, does she have experience with training programs?" he asked as the pony blinked in surprised before stuttering in response "Er... n-no... but she learned from my physical therapist and took over from him after a while..." Francis paused to try and keep his breathing controlled for the jog “C-couple years after I think…”
Holding his chin thoughtfully Mitch paused for a moment before resuming writing stuff down “Are you staying in a dorm or is your home in town?” he asked, as the foal went into his second lap (with no signs of wearing down) and replied "M-mom rented an apartment we'll be staying at while I'm h-here.” Without missing a beat the instructor asked another question "How far is it from the academy?" the pink cheeked pony huffed a little to keep his pace while talking “C-couple blocks is all…” Mitch nodded and made a few more notes "Then I should have the time after work to pay your mother a visit. I'd like to review your current routine with both of you and make some additions. Would you be okay with that?" he asked, looking up to watch the foal jog.
"Er... I... THINK so... um... w-will have to explain some things before then..." Francis said, the foal’s tone sounded less than confident as he looked up to Mr. Williams "A-after the e-exam if that's okay..." The charizard nodded, smiling as he motioned to the track with his pen “That’s fine, anyway keep your eyes on the track, got a few more questions.” He put his pen back to the notebook “Did you have a reason to join this academy?” The pony swerved to try and keep from going off the track as Mr. Williams pointed it out to him, his large bottom shaking as he looked like he'd fall over due to overbalancing. Before that happened the foal managed to rebalance, right himself, and keep jogging in a smooth manner accompanied by the clatter of hooves on the floor. There was a moment of silence as Francis worked back into his normal pace before answering with a simple “… yeah…”
“Oh? What is it?” Mitch asked, having lowered his notebook and pen to focus on the little runner. There was another moment of silence as Francis pursed his lips “… wanna be a battler… also… um…” the pony paused as his expression move to a full on pout and showed obvious fear that Mitch would judge him if he said what he was thinking. The charizard gave him a warm and friendly smile, apparently trying to put that fear to rest, as he said "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready to, I'm just being curious. If it's easier you can talk about any goals that you hope to achieve." Francis bit his lip nervously before speaking “... wanna prove myself to somebody... my... rival..." the foal finally, quietly admitted. Obviously struggling to find the right word for the end of it and, by his expression, not satisfied with how “Rival” fit for what he’d tried to say.
“A rival?” Mitch asked, sounding more curious than surprised, as his wings unfurled (showing off the torn edges from his former work as a firefighter) with a sound swoop “That’s great! Competing always makes for good motivation, lets hope that rivalry can last so it can take you far, moreso if you want a battling career." the Charizard sounded almost excited as he smiled broadly “Is your rival a student here too? I wonder if I’ve met him before… or her…” Francis meanwhile went bright pink in the cheeks at Mr. Williams show of support and questions “H-he’s a student h-here and no… er…” the pony stammered as he finished another lap to go with the several he’d already done “D-don’t wanna go into it right now…” Mitch nodded in an understanding way, before putting pen to his notebook once more "Alright, just one more question and you can move on to stretching, what do you think so far of the academy?" he said, tone still reassuring and understanding.
Francis actually slowed down for a moment at that question, looking down with his face screwed up in thought, before he glanced up to Mr. Williams and tried to answer "... dunno, kinda overwhelmed, kinda excited, kinda scared... c-can I get back to you when I make up my mind on what I'm feeling?" the pony stuttered out, trying not to sound unsure… and failing as he did a startlingly good impression of a little foal asked what he thought of daycare after the tour and just before being left for his first day. Mitch chuckled before he put away his notebook and pen and clapped hard a couple times "Alright, alright, you can stop now. You have a minute to stretch the way you know, we'll use the second to do it my way, okay?" his tone still friendly and relaxed as he apparently had liked what he’d heard. Francis only managing to respond with an "O-okay..." he trotted over to the charizard looking only slightly winded from the running chat.
****************************
To be honest this was more respect than Francis was used to being treated with since he usually got treated like a slow five year old if somebody didn’t know him… and like he had full mental retardation if they did know about him. He was the son of a hard working girafarig company owning father and rapidash former athlete mother meaning (just judging by the genes and money) he should have been a healthy, spoiled baby and grown into a strapping young steed… save for the fact his mother had been a raging Rare Candy addict. A powerful, addictive, and illegal (at least in sports and battling) stimulant drug she’d apparently been taking before she retired from track and field to marry and settle down… and thanks to how often her husband was away she managed to avoid having to kick the habit. Which would have been all well and good except for the fact Rare Candy does horrible things to developing babies and his mother didn’t realize she was pregnant with him till several months in… several months of some of her hardest abuse with no way to kick her addiction in the intervening time before he was born.
The end result…? Francis was born with his growth badly messed up, stunted in some places and accelerated in others, and his mother’s addiction came out in the worst way sending her off to rehabilitation and therapy (though Francis still wasn’t sure why since his dad and mom didn’t tell him what she needed it for) where his mother had been since as long as the foal could remember. His “Mom” as he called her was a miltank nanny his dad had hired to care for him as a baby (since dad had to run his company) and who’d more or less raised him from infancy to the present day (hence why he needed to explain some stuff before Mr. Williams could meet her)… though some things hadn’t changed in that interim. Like him needing diapers for instance since his bowel control was messed up from day one… all that’d changed over the years (besides making the obvious joke) was that he needed the larger sizes now.
Along with being stuck in baby undies his mother’s addiction had left him other “Gifts” including stunting his physical growth so that he’d remained tiny and messing with his physical development. It also somehow accelerated his evolution, turning him into a rapidash before age 10. There were other problems and quirks he had because of it… but being a diapered, ponyta of a rapidash was the most noticeable one. Fortunately his mind wasn’t affected… which kept surprising the tutors his dad hired since the idea of Francis attending a regular school with “Normal” kids was almost laughable, at least back then anyway. As well as his mom and dad tried to care for him Francis didn’t really have any goals or ideas about what to do with his life… he’d just expected to be treated like a 5 year old with grade school level homework and did it cause his mom insisted.
His cousin Michael was the only one who really treated him like he wasn’t as old as his undies and looks implied and Francis always looked forward to the girafarig’s visits. Especially since Michael was willing to tell him what going to actual school with other kids was like… and be honest enough to share the less pleasant parts rather than sugar coating and spoon feeding it to Francis like he was a foal. Especially the stuff Michael told him about his friend Barry. The cubchoo… sounded like he was several choice words mom would spank the foal for saying… but if Barry was as much like Francis as Michael said, and he was living a sorta normal life… then maybe Francis could have a normal life too? He’d always wondered this… but Michael had told him to wait and he’d introduce Barry to him in time. Which the pony had learned was shorthand for “not gonna happen little guy” so he’d given up on the idea and just settled for listening to stories…
Which is why it’d been such a shock that day when mom told him Michael was here to visit… and he’d brought a friend. Barry had been everything Michael had described... a teddy bear with a mouth and attitude as foul as yesterday’s diapers… though the bear being in diapers was new. Michael refused to tell him the specifics (which meant whatever happened had to be really, REALLY bad) but apparently Barry was in them again now. Francis wasn’t sure if he could call Barry a friend or if the cub considered him one… but hanging out with him and Michael had been more fun than the foal had had since he’d gotten old enough to understand his situation. Even though mom was less than approving of some of Barry’s bad habits… which lead to the first time Francis had seen her spank and put somebody in the naughty corner other than him. It gave him something to join in on the teasing and ribbing the cubchoo anyway.
But what the cubchoo really gave him was a dream… well… more Francis took the cubchoo’s dream of being a battler and used it as his own. The way Barry talked about fighting in the arena, him being willing to use being diapered and babyish against his opponent, and more importantly the fact he was GOOD at it were all amazing to Francis and the foal couldn’t help but wanna join in. Even if it was just because he’d never had anything to work towards before beyond someday getting out of diapers and not losing the muscle mass he’d managed to build up. He’d already been on a strict workout and move training regime (his version of “gym class” according to what Michael said) since he’d evolved so the only difficult thing had been talking mom into the idea. Well… not so much talking as swallowing his pride and begging like he was 4 again and wanted that shiny new toy in the toy store… but it’d worked, eventually.
He’d started training and studying with all his might to be a battler and going to the local pro-league fights to learn more about it… especially since he and Barry could get in on a kids ticket if Michael was with them to help with the ruse. All so he could show Barry how tough he’d gotten and face the cubchoo on equal footing… of course, the bear cub always staunchly refused to actually FIGHT him whenever Francis brought the idea up, even if it was just sparring. That always chapped the pony’s hide worse than diaper rash. Either way Francis had been practicing, getting mom and Michael to take him to the little tournaments he knew Barry didn’t bother with anymore, and working his way up to the city’s biggest tournament in hopes of catching Barry by surprise and finally getting to fight him seriously…
Then the cubchoo had gone off to the PCA and ruined Francis’s plans. Finding that out had triggered his first tantrum in a long, long time… and like always it hadn’t helped to make the pony feel any better. Not knowing what else to do Francis had continued going to tournaments like he’d originally planned, finally entering the big tournament where he’d hoped to fight Barry. It’d felt reeeeeeally good to beat up Alexander (Michael and Barry had told him plenty about the big bully)… he’d just wished Barry had been there to see it is all and be surprised. Course, the fact a PCA recruiter had come to see him and mom afterwards had been a big surprise to everyone. The fact Michael had been considering going to the PCA as well just helped clinch it (and more importantly convinced mom there’d be somebody responsible in the school to look out for him… Barry didn’t qualify in her eyes) and the foal had found himself enrolled in an actual school for the first time in his life.
There was just one question he couldn’t get out of his head now…
****************************
“… Mr. Williams?”
“Yes?”
“… why didn’t you ask about the fact I look like a huge toddler?” Francis asked, too curious to try and beat around the bush with the question. He’d managed to hold it in through the first minute of stretching but now, as he sat on his padded butt and stretched the way his instructor had shown him, he just had to ask. Mitch, who’d been standing next to Francis supervising him, immediately moved to sit down next to the stretching pony "That's simple, you already went through medical screening and were given the OK, my job is to diagnose your skill set and adjust your program with remedial classes if necessary.” Mitch explained in a gentle, father-to-child “It’s okay, accidents happen, soaked pants are nothing to cry over” manner “I'm sure every student has a story to tell, and I'd love to sit with each and hear them, but it's not really something I should go around asking, don't you think?" he finished, giving Francis a big, reassuringly smile. The foal just sat there for a moment before slowly nodding and looking apologetic "... sorry, used to people asking and having to tell them about my mother and the drugs..."
With that said Francis resumed stretching… till half a minute later when a look of embarrassment crossed his face as he groaned. He’d just realized that he’d gone and blurted it out to Mitch anyway. The instructor chuckled lightly "If you want we can both pretend that part of the conversation never happened, would that be better?" Mr. William said, gently stroking the pony’s head reassuringly (and again like the foal was the age he looked) as Francis could only nod weakly before he mumbled a pink cheeked apology "Sure... sorry." Mitch gave another warm smile at this “I don’t mind either way. Now, ready for your test?” he asked with a friendly wink and a light pat on Francis’s head “That rival of yours won’t beat himself!” the charizard added for good measure as Francis’s cheeks flushed even pinker, the foal managed a timid nod in response and looked up to the charizard instructor expectantly.
"Now, breathe in," Mitch said, the charizard gesturing with his hands to illustrate a diaphragm lift. "Fill your lungs," he added, before his hands inverted the previous motion to sweep downwards "and then empty them" Francis watched as he got to his hooves before taking a long, deep breath as his chubby cheeks and chest puffed up before the foal let out a whinny like exhale. The instructor smile at that "You have good form.” Mitch praised “Let's move to the battle court, it's more resistant to elements." He said, this time pointing at the part of the gym he meant while he started moving towards it, giving the unicorn a clearer lead than before. Nodding and trying to look as professional and serious as his appearance and outfit allowed Francis clopped over, following behind Mitch. "Here," Mr. Williams said, stopping in the middle of the indicated area and looking down to the foal "Now do the same, but instead of exhaling I want you to show off your flames. Any move will do, just aim to the air or within the court."
That seemed to catch Francis off guard as he blinked for a moment before getting a thoughtful look on his face as if mentally running down a list. After a moment of deliberating France finally nodded, letting out a nervous sounding “Okay…” before he turned to face away from Mitch and took another deep breath. This time the crackle of flames filled the air as the rapidash's blazing mane and tail seem to burn brighter and flare up as the pony breathed in, rippling and flowing more than before. The crackling grew into a full on roar as Francis exhaled and let out a positively MASSIVE Fire Blast. The flames formed into the familiar kanji symbol for "big" which swelled up bigger and bigger, the single exhale from the foal somehow still feeding the attack. Finally the blazing symbol stopped growing, having reached a size rivaling the Fire Blast of older students who were twice the pony’s size (Mitch would know, having taught more than a few of them), before dissipating into a show of embers in the open air. Despite how huge the attack had been it looked like Francis hadn’t put any exceptional effort into the move as the pony looked up to Mitch with big, innocent & nervous eyes and a slightly trembling lip as if worried the charizard wouldn't approve.
Being a veteran firefighter, Mitch’s reflexes kicked in the moment the Fire Blast started to take shape. Moving from a passive stance to an active one the charizard’s eyes darted from Francis to the edges of the attack, watching closely for any mistake that might place the student at risk or let the fire get out of control. His stance only relaxed when the flames finally dissipated, the instructor let out a sigh of relief before requesting Francis “Breath in and out please.” which the foal obeyed despite fidgeting and being visibly nervous about how his move had gone over. "Alright, now rest. Just needed to make sure you weren't trying to impress with that fire blast.” Mitch said with a satisfied and enthusiastic smile on his face as he returned to writing in his notebook, faster than before. This did nothing to reassure Francis as the pony spoke up "S-so... did I do okay?" he squeaked, nerves helping his voice reach a pitch more suiting his appearance.
Mr. Williams just chuckled, looking up to give Francis a reassuring smile to settle the pony’s nerves "Can't tell you yet, the test is not over.” He said in a friendly matter-of-fact way before asking “Do you have a smaller fire move that you're confident using?" Prompting Francis to timidly rub his head, hand passing through the flame to no ill effect, as the foal nodded "Er... yeah, Fire Spin. That and Fire Blast are my only two non-physical fire moves..." Nodding as the rapidash said this Mitch cleanly tore a sheet of paper from his notebook and laid it flat on the ground before stepping back "Can you make a loop around this?” the charizard asked, looking to Francis expectantly “I'd like you to make it as close as possible without actually burning the sheet." The pony tilted his head, his expression and tone surprised “… really?” looking at the paper on the ground for a moment Francis looked back to Mitch “"Um... do you want it to be tall or just a normal little loop?"
"Baby steps, first a little loop." Mitch said, without a hit of sarcasm or irony, as Francis made a face "... gonna hope that was an unintentional comment..." the foal whinnied, before taking a small breath, his mane and tail crackling again, as he exhaled a small stream of flames. Touching down the fire flowed around the piece of paper to form a very compact ring without setting the paper aflame like Mr. Williams had asked. For about a second anyway before the Fire Spin tried to flare up and grow like Francis’s Fire Blast had done, the pony having to struggle for a moment before he managed to stabilize the attack and bring it fully under control. Mitch nodded approvingly, watching for a moment before asking "Alright, now make it square." Which resulted in a sputtering sound as Francis stopped breathing flames to snap his head over and look at the instructor. His expression asking "Wait, are you serious?" far louder than words would manage…
As the charizard broke out laughting "Sorry, sorry. It would have been impressive if you could actually do that, but that's not the point of this exercise.” He said reassuringly while smiling to the student “Relax, I have enough information with what I've seen already.” Francis nodded weakly, managing an "O-okay..." as the pony looked utterly mystified at the concept of how somebody would manage making a square Fire Spin. “Now…” Mr. Williams said, jotting a few more things in his notebook “I just have a few more tests for you and then we’re done… I’ll tell you how you did after, okay?” he gave Francis a smile as the pony nodded before Mitch continued “So… what other moves do you know?”
“Well…”
*********************
The warmth of Sunny Day filling the gym slowly died down alongside the flames around the little rapidash. Francis's mane, tail, and limb flames slowly returning to their normal size as he finished the last of his move demonstrations. "Yeah... along with being tiny and everything all the drugs my mother took somehow made my flames really powerful..." the foal said before looking up to Mitch "So I was given lessons in control along with physical therapy when I was little... though, don't think they ever expected me to take up battling..." Nodding as he finished the last of his write-ups in the notebook the charizard walked over to the pony once more "Alright, ready for the news?" he asked as Francis let out a barely audible gulp before kicking his foot once against the ground nervously, producing a distinctive clop sound, and finally nodded. “Congratulations!” Mitch said loudly, the word echoing off the gym walls, before kneeling and grabbing Francis’s shoulders in a fatherly gesture "You did well enough here not to need remedials on fire use and control." He explained with a proud and satisfied smile on his face.
There was a moment of stunned comprehension from the pony… before his face lit up like a five year old who'd just been told he was going to the circus. The big, unabashed smile on the foal’s face was adorable as Francis threw teen dignity to the wind as he looked up to Mitch, arms held in a childishly eager looking position in front of him, and asked “Really?” in an excited tone. “Really.” Mitch said, standing back up as he gave Francis a gentle head ruffle "You have a good starting foot for your grade. I'll hand you over some exercises to improve your control under pressure, but you don't have to worry about needing to catch up in fire moves." The charizard explained as Francis blushed at having his head ruffled like a little kid… even as the foal nodded, still smiling broadly as he looked up to Mr. Williams. Before Francis could properly thank Mitch for all this there was a polite knock at the gym door…
And before Mitch could respond to the knock the door to the gym was rudely shoved open as Barry sauntered in. The cubchoo acting like he was twice his size and the age he appeared... Michael was left standing at the door, one hand still raised to knock, the girafarig put his other hand over his eyes in a frustrated "not this again" motion. Mitch slowly turned his head, checking the identity of the intruder with the corner of his eye, before speaking "The gym is booked for another 20 minutes and the fire alarm is off so... you better have a good excuse, young one." His tone was stern and held the authority of a teacher… which Barry seemed to acknowledge as the punkish polar bear cub stopped in his tracks and muttered out a half-hearted “Er… sorry?” as Michael entered the gym behind him, politely shutting the door Barry had shoved open so roughly.
Containing a small snicker at this Mitch managed to maintain his tone as the charizard continued "Sorry won't cut it, you really need a good excuse to justify interrupting a fellow student's time.” His lecturing tone took an almost scolding like quality suited for Barry’s appearance “Please, tell me your business or wait outside until I can attend you." Before this could go on though Francis, who’d been standing there staring and gawking in surprise, blurted out "Barry!? W-what are you doing here!? Er..." realizing what he’d just said the foal fidgeted in embarrassment and stuttered "I mean... I know you go to school here but..." Francis trailed off, giving Barry the chance to jerk his thumb over his shoulder and point at Michael. "He told me you were here and where you were..." the bear said bluntly before moving his gaze up, waaaaaaay up, to look at Mitch "And my business is with your little pony there... er... sir." He said, quickly tacking on the sir in an attempt to be respectful to the charizard.
"So you know each other, huh?" Mitch said, looking back and forth between the two small students before settling his gaze on Barry "Still not a good enough reason, the least you should do is apologize.” The charizard said, sounding like he was chastising a little kid “It wouldn't be nice if you were doing something important and got interrupted the same way, don't you think?" he asked… as Barry seemed to complete miss what the instructor was saying as he padded over to Francis, the pony clopping over to meet the cubchoo as the two almost stood nose to nose with each other. "What are you DOING here!?" Barry demanded, looking up a tiny bit since the rapidash looked to have an inch or two on him height wise (though Francis’s massive mane gave the impression it was more) on the bear cub. "Cause of you! Why didn't you tell me you were going!?" the foal shot back, poking Barry in the chest to punctuate his question as the cubchoo puffed his cheeks and chest up childishly before shooting back "Well... cause! Anyway a diaper pony like you shouldn't be here!" which he punctuated with a light, one handed shove that didn’t budge Francis an inch.
"Oh like a unpotty trained polar bear should?" Francis scoffed, both boys sounding closer and closer to childish whining with each word. Barry stomped his foot in protest, doing nothing to help how immature he looked, and growled "Hey!! I'm potty trained!" before correcting himself after a minute of Francis staring at him incredulously "Sorta!” as the bickering between the two continued. Between how familiar the two seemed with each other and how childish they were acting it strongly resembled a pair of slightly bratty pre-school siblings arguing about having to share the same playroom. All while this was going on a bemused Mitch glanced to the one student in the room that actually like he belonged in a high school "Did I lower my voice too much? The guys at the FD say I tend to do it when talking to kids." He asked as the girafarig clopped over, the charizard’s tone a little softer than his scolding one from before.
"No, no... these two just haven't seen each other in a while. Lot of catching up to do..." Michael sighed, the look of an exasperated babysitting handling little kids on his face, as he clopped over to Mitch "I'll give Barry another lecture about manners later... I'm Michael, Francis's cousin. It's nice to meet you sir." He said formally as the girafarig offered the charizard a handshake while Mimi peeked around him to look up at Mitch curiously, still sucking her pacifier. Being unintentionally condescending the charizard reached past the offered hand to instead pat Michael on the shoulder "A pleasure, Michael. You may call me Mr. Williams, and it's good to see students responsible for their fellows.” The charizard said while moving his hand over to gently stroke Mimi’s head with the back of a finger "Now mind helping me rein them apart? I still need to wrap up things with your cousin." Mimi trilling happily at the stroke as Michael stood there for a moment with his hand still stuck out caught off guard by the welcome. "Er... sure.” he said, managing to regain his composure as he lowered the offered hand “Hope we didn't interrupt Francis's tests... Barry's the one who kinda inspired my cousin to take up battling so when I let him know Francis was here it was kinda hard to keep him away..." the normal/psychic explained as he looked over…
Where the two teen toddlers were still bickering like before. Now it seemed they’d changed topics to matches Francis won back home while Barry was away and whether the cubchoo could have done better… though judging by their smiles they did seem to agree that beating the ego off of somebody named Alexander was fun. "I can tell it'll be hard to unstick them and that's why I asked your help," Mitch commented, sounding more amused by the situation than annoyed as he continued to gently play with Michael’s baby-like tail head "By the way, does the sweetie have a name?" he asked, again catching Michael off guard as the girafarig stammered out "Er... Mimi, I call her Mimi." as Mimi made a happy noise behind her pacifier in response to her name, positively basking in the attention.
As suddenly a teen voice gone adorably childish called for their attention “Mr. Williams!” the sound of hooves punctuated the call as Francis trotted over to the instructor, Barry close behind him. "Mr. Williams, tell Barry how good I did on the test please! Tell him how I don't need remedials..." the foal requested, looking up to the charizard, before realizing what he'd left out and blushing "O-oh! T-this is Barry." Francis stuttered, motioning to the cub who looked grumpy as could be "I-I told you about him earlier, he's my... rival." The rapidash fumbled for a moment as he tried to recall what term he'd used.
Turning to look at the foal Mitch smiled warmly at the request "Of course, Francis, if that's what you want we can discuss your results with your friends here." The charizard said as the pony gave a big grin in return "Thank you sir!" he said cheerfully… before lightly elbowing Barry and commenting “See, I told you.” As the bear cub just folded his arms, managing a perfect pouting child pose in his grumpy demeanor. Craning his neck down to get closer to the small students Mitch took ahold of both their shoulders as he spoke "Let's hope you're doing your homework, Barry, 'cause your rival here looks really promising.” The charizardss tone was proud as he motioned to Francis with his head while talking to Barry “He's in very good shape for a rookie and has a fine grip on his moves, aren't you happy for him?" Caught off guard by the shoulder grab and the question the cubchoo staggered a little. His grumpy look replaced with a childish look of surprise "Y-yeah I'm happy, n-never said I wasn't!" Barry stuttered, trying not to blush and failing as Francis smiled proudly "Just didn't know he was coming to the PCA is all..." the polar bear cub sulked, looking away from Mitch as he wasn't even bothering to try and regain his little thug composure at this point.
Smiling and kneeling down to the boys the fire type teacher grabbed the hands of both little ones as he continued from earlier "I was a kid too you know, my best childhood memories come from competing with my friends and rivals.” Mitch said, his voice warm and fatherly as he gently lifted the boy’s hands up a little “Always remember to keep it friendly and the experience will stay fun. Can you two promise that?" he asked… as both boys just stared at him blankly. An adorable “Confused Kindergartner” expression on their faces since the charizard had completely lost them. Since they weren’t resisting Mitch followed through with what felt natural as he entangled the boy’s pinkies together in the pinkie swear posture "Shall I take that as a yes? It'd be good if you two said it to each other." He said, looking between the two and still smiling.
"W-what are we promising here?" Barry stuttered as he looked at the instructor, too surprised and confused to even cuss like he normally did. "Um... you w-went a little fast Mr. Williams, like Barry asked what are you wanting us to promise?" Francis asked, as he shifted a little nervously while still managing a tiny bit more composure than the polar bear cub. Mitch chuckled at this reaction “Okay, I'll say it again, so please pay attention.” The charizard was speaking a little slower this time, his voice unintentionally taking on a patronizing tone “You two have a very special bond in your rivalry; to get the best out of it and of each other, it is very important that you keep it friendly no matter what, that way you can enjoy learning and growing together and have fun while you’re at it. Can you two promise to always play nice and cheer for each other like good friends and rivals?" he finished, sounding like he was finishing a lecture about fair play and sportsmanship to a first grade class.
This got a moment of silence as both boys just stared at him, apparently not sure they heard him right, as their gaze moved between Mitch's hands holding their hands in the pinkie swear position, the charizard himself, and finally to each other as if to confirm there was no other way out of this. After a long moment, they let out a sigh (though it was more like a whinny for Francis) and reluctantly said "We promise to play nice and cheer for each other..." together, only being slightly off in their stereo. Both of the childish looking teen obviously more than a little shamed and embarrassed by this treatment. Undeterred by the boy’s unenthusiastic choir Mitch gave an encouraging grin as the charizard finally let go of their hands to pat the boys heads "That's what I like to hear, cubs!” he said happily, the boys quickly put their hands down once they were freed “An old Viridian saying has it that caterpies didn't learn to fight back until the arrival of weedles, so as long as you stay on each other's toes you can achieve great things too! Just believe in yourselves and in each other." The charizard sounded like a scout leader trying to encourage a junior troop as Barry and Francis stood there, doing their best to ignore him as their pink flushed cheeks were puffed out and their lips pursed in adorable, embarrassed pouts…
All the while Michael was doing his best to keep from being seen or noticed as the girafarig had one hand clamped tightly over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at what he’d just watched… while the other held up a phone that’d recorded the whole thing. So he could make sure Barry and his cousin NEVER lived this one down~ What else were friends for after all~?
The End.
The art here is done by
cuddlehooves who hasn't posted it up in their gallery, but if you like it you should DEFINITELY go check out more of their work! =D They're a great artist who does adorable stuff!Anyway this is a direct continuation of THIS story, so if you haven't read it yet please follow the link below:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20248011/
With all that out of the way...
In this chapter we get introduced to ANOTHER figure from Barry's past who's made himself know in the present... the cubchoo's self proclaimed RIVAL!! Whether it's rival in cuteness, diaper thickness, or being a tiny pouty baby teen we shall never know~ Either way read more to find out about my little pony here, who he is, and how he's connected to Barry~
And a big thank you to
takinoue for letting me use his character Mitch in this story ^,^Anyway please enjoy, fav & comment, and have a great day! =D
Mitch owned by Takinoue
Other characters owned by me
Pokémon owned by neither of us
PCA – The Bear Truth
"Cub & Pony Show"A tall male charizard sporting work-out clothing and a good natured smile stood in one of the PCA’s many gymnasiums, fiddling with his notebook and ballpoint pen. Mitchell “Mitch” Williams worked as a fire type move instructor for the school… so naturally he’d been picked to evaluate the new student to see where he stood as far as battling, fire type control, and similar subjects and how many remedial lessons the kid might need. Mr. Williams, as he preferred to be called by his students, casually looked around the gym, taking everything in and enjoying the view, as he waited for the student to come out of the locker room. The distinctive clopping noise of hooves on tile confirmed the kid was doing just that as the charizard glanced to the door to see who he’d be testing and getting to know this afternoon…
What looked like an extremely large toddler pontya exited the locker room, struggling to adjust the sweatpants shorts he was wearing over his obviously thick diapers. Only the long horn on his forehead, the flames coming from his lower shins instead of his thighs, and his strongly billowing mane and tail, which looked to be as big as he was if combined, would tip anyone off that the little fire type was actually a rapidash. The pony’s chubby cheeks and soft chubby body, the simple t shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide it, added to his toddler-like appearance despite him standing a little over four and a half feet tall. Hooves clicking on the gym’s hard floor the kid clopped over to the dragon, the expression on his chubby face neutral with just a hint of exasperation (as if expecting to have to answer lots of awkward questions), as he stopped in front of the larger fire type and greeted him.
“Hello sir…” the pony’s voice sounded like it suited a high school student in contrast to his appearance as he stood there “Um… how… how is this evaluation going to work?” The charizard smiled at the question before returning the greeting “Hi, young one.” he leaned forward to get a closer view of the little equine before continuing in a friendly tone “I’m glad to see you’re eager to start, but let’s not skip over introductions, okay? You may not think so, but your name is important.” He paused for a moment to appreciate the surprised and slightly embarrassed look on the boy’s face he gave a wink and added “Also, please call me Mr. Williams, all the students do.” The little pony’s cheeks flushed an almost spray-painted on pastel pink in embarrassment as he stuttered “Oh… uh…”
Clearing his throat and trying to act like he wasn’t blushing the rapidash pulled himself up to his full (unimpressive) height, his billowing mane and tail rippling as he did so, and spoke with as much formality as he could manage “I’m Francis, Francis Doncaster… it’s nice to meet you Mr. Williams?” the whole thing came off like Francis was either nervous or unfamiliar with how to handle this situation and was futilely trying to hide it. Mr. Williams just smiled, not drawing attention to the pony’s awkwardness, as he nodded “Nice to meet you too, Francis. You can loosen up, we’re just getting to know each other and that’s also the point of this evaluation” the charizard explained, as Francis listened with rapt attention “to get to know you and figure out where to begin your program and where you need reinforcement.” Mitch flashed another of his warm smiles “Consider this a risk-free test, the worst that could happen would be that you needed to take up a few first year classes, that's not a problem for you, is it?" he finished as Francis stood there, mulling over what his instructor said.
“Not… really…” the pony said, rubbing the back of his head shyly (making his mane ripple more). He looked at the ground kicked his foot lightly to produce a cute clacking sound "Been homeschooled my whole life so got nothing to lose from seeing what other classes are like..." Francis admitted, the pink doll like blush back on his cheeks to highlight his embarrassment. “It’s good to see your open minded” Mr. Williams said with a nod “seems to me you won’t have much trouble adapting.” The charizard opened up his notebook and took a few seconds to write something down before turning his attention back to the foal in front of him “I’d like you to do five minutes of warmups and after that two of stretching. Run laps around the marked combat arena for the warmup.”
There was moment of silence before the foal responded “Er… okay?” before taking a quick look around to try and get the lay of the land. Francis made his lack of experience in an actual school gym, let alone a fighting school’s gym, painfully obvious before he trotted over and pointed at one of the painted markings on the floor “This marked area, right?” he asked, still blushing. The charizard chuckled lightly “Not really, but I guess that one can work as well.” He answered, as Francis’s face fell into an adorably embarrassed pout. Mitch added “And I’d like to ask you some questions while you run, if you end up out of breath you can stop talking but not running, alright?” Mitch explained, experienced with how to handle this after teaching for so long.
Cheeks flushed even more pink and still pouting Francis nodded “Er… o-okay… what was the right one, just for f-future reference?” he stuttered timidly, voice squeaking just a little, before adding “A-and questions are fine…” Mitch pointed for the pony “The square one over there with a pokeball outline in the middle. Start when you’re ready.” Nodding and still blushing the foal trotted over, his thickly padded posterior (visible through his tail flames) shaking under his pants as he did so, and looked around. Eyeing the track to know where he was going before taking a running position Francis bent his legs in preparation for a moment… and took off in an impressively fast jog. Particularly for someone his size and build, handicapped as he was with the thick baby undies around his middle… though there was a distinct, noticable waddle in his gait, it didn’t seem to slow the rapidash down.
A satisfied smile on his face Mitch promptly wrote something down in his notebook before going back to watching the jogging foal “Not bad at all for a start. Do you exercise regularly?” he asked, easily being heard in the spacious gym without raising his voice. “H-have to…” Francis called back, obviously not used to talking and running at the same time despite doing an admirable job of not slowing down in the attempt “D-Doctor wanted me to s-so my muscles developed n-normally. Mom makes s-sure I work out daily.” The charizard nodded in agreement "Well, that was a good call. So your mother monitors your routine, does she have experience with training programs?" he asked as the pony blinked in surprised before stuttering in response "Er... n-no... but she learned from my physical therapist and took over from him after a while..." Francis paused to try and keep his breathing controlled for the jog “C-couple years after I think…”
Holding his chin thoughtfully Mitch paused for a moment before resuming writing stuff down “Are you staying in a dorm or is your home in town?” he asked, as the foal went into his second lap (with no signs of wearing down) and replied "M-mom rented an apartment we'll be staying at while I'm h-here.” Without missing a beat the instructor asked another question "How far is it from the academy?" the pink cheeked pony huffed a little to keep his pace while talking “C-couple blocks is all…” Mitch nodded and made a few more notes "Then I should have the time after work to pay your mother a visit. I'd like to review your current routine with both of you and make some additions. Would you be okay with that?" he asked, looking up to watch the foal jog.
"Er... I... THINK so... um... w-will have to explain some things before then..." Francis said, the foal’s tone sounded less than confident as he looked up to Mr. Williams "A-after the e-exam if that's okay..." The charizard nodded, smiling as he motioned to the track with his pen “That’s fine, anyway keep your eyes on the track, got a few more questions.” He put his pen back to the notebook “Did you have a reason to join this academy?” The pony swerved to try and keep from going off the track as Mr. Williams pointed it out to him, his large bottom shaking as he looked like he'd fall over due to overbalancing. Before that happened the foal managed to rebalance, right himself, and keep jogging in a smooth manner accompanied by the clatter of hooves on the floor. There was a moment of silence as Francis worked back into his normal pace before answering with a simple “… yeah…”
“Oh? What is it?” Mitch asked, having lowered his notebook and pen to focus on the little runner. There was another moment of silence as Francis pursed his lips “… wanna be a battler… also… um…” the pony paused as his expression move to a full on pout and showed obvious fear that Mitch would judge him if he said what he was thinking. The charizard gave him a warm and friendly smile, apparently trying to put that fear to rest, as he said "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready to, I'm just being curious. If it's easier you can talk about any goals that you hope to achieve." Francis bit his lip nervously before speaking “... wanna prove myself to somebody... my... rival..." the foal finally, quietly admitted. Obviously struggling to find the right word for the end of it and, by his expression, not satisfied with how “Rival” fit for what he’d tried to say.
“A rival?” Mitch asked, sounding more curious than surprised, as his wings unfurled (showing off the torn edges from his former work as a firefighter) with a sound swoop “That’s great! Competing always makes for good motivation, lets hope that rivalry can last so it can take you far, moreso if you want a battling career." the Charizard sounded almost excited as he smiled broadly “Is your rival a student here too? I wonder if I’ve met him before… or her…” Francis meanwhile went bright pink in the cheeks at Mr. Williams show of support and questions “H-he’s a student h-here and no… er…” the pony stammered as he finished another lap to go with the several he’d already done “D-don’t wanna go into it right now…” Mitch nodded in an understanding way, before putting pen to his notebook once more "Alright, just one more question and you can move on to stretching, what do you think so far of the academy?" he said, tone still reassuring and understanding.
Francis actually slowed down for a moment at that question, looking down with his face screwed up in thought, before he glanced up to Mr. Williams and tried to answer "... dunno, kinda overwhelmed, kinda excited, kinda scared... c-can I get back to you when I make up my mind on what I'm feeling?" the pony stuttered out, trying not to sound unsure… and failing as he did a startlingly good impression of a little foal asked what he thought of daycare after the tour and just before being left for his first day. Mitch chuckled before he put away his notebook and pen and clapped hard a couple times "Alright, alright, you can stop now. You have a minute to stretch the way you know, we'll use the second to do it my way, okay?" his tone still friendly and relaxed as he apparently had liked what he’d heard. Francis only managing to respond with an "O-okay..." he trotted over to the charizard looking only slightly winded from the running chat.
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To be honest this was more respect than Francis was used to being treated with since he usually got treated like a slow five year old if somebody didn’t know him… and like he had full mental retardation if they did know about him. He was the son of a hard working girafarig company owning father and rapidash former athlete mother meaning (just judging by the genes and money) he should have been a healthy, spoiled baby and grown into a strapping young steed… save for the fact his mother had been a raging Rare Candy addict. A powerful, addictive, and illegal (at least in sports and battling) stimulant drug she’d apparently been taking before she retired from track and field to marry and settle down… and thanks to how often her husband was away she managed to avoid having to kick the habit. Which would have been all well and good except for the fact Rare Candy does horrible things to developing babies and his mother didn’t realize she was pregnant with him till several months in… several months of some of her hardest abuse with no way to kick her addiction in the intervening time before he was born.
The end result…? Francis was born with his growth badly messed up, stunted in some places and accelerated in others, and his mother’s addiction came out in the worst way sending her off to rehabilitation and therapy (though Francis still wasn’t sure why since his dad and mom didn’t tell him what she needed it for) where his mother had been since as long as the foal could remember. His “Mom” as he called her was a miltank nanny his dad had hired to care for him as a baby (since dad had to run his company) and who’d more or less raised him from infancy to the present day (hence why he needed to explain some stuff before Mr. Williams could meet her)… though some things hadn’t changed in that interim. Like him needing diapers for instance since his bowel control was messed up from day one… all that’d changed over the years (besides making the obvious joke) was that he needed the larger sizes now.
Along with being stuck in baby undies his mother’s addiction had left him other “Gifts” including stunting his physical growth so that he’d remained tiny and messing with his physical development. It also somehow accelerated his evolution, turning him into a rapidash before age 10. There were other problems and quirks he had because of it… but being a diapered, ponyta of a rapidash was the most noticeable one. Fortunately his mind wasn’t affected… which kept surprising the tutors his dad hired since the idea of Francis attending a regular school with “Normal” kids was almost laughable, at least back then anyway. As well as his mom and dad tried to care for him Francis didn’t really have any goals or ideas about what to do with his life… he’d just expected to be treated like a 5 year old with grade school level homework and did it cause his mom insisted.
His cousin Michael was the only one who really treated him like he wasn’t as old as his undies and looks implied and Francis always looked forward to the girafarig’s visits. Especially since Michael was willing to tell him what going to actual school with other kids was like… and be honest enough to share the less pleasant parts rather than sugar coating and spoon feeding it to Francis like he was a foal. Especially the stuff Michael told him about his friend Barry. The cubchoo… sounded like he was several choice words mom would spank the foal for saying… but if Barry was as much like Francis as Michael said, and he was living a sorta normal life… then maybe Francis could have a normal life too? He’d always wondered this… but Michael had told him to wait and he’d introduce Barry to him in time. Which the pony had learned was shorthand for “not gonna happen little guy” so he’d given up on the idea and just settled for listening to stories…
Which is why it’d been such a shock that day when mom told him Michael was here to visit… and he’d brought a friend. Barry had been everything Michael had described... a teddy bear with a mouth and attitude as foul as yesterday’s diapers… though the bear being in diapers was new. Michael refused to tell him the specifics (which meant whatever happened had to be really, REALLY bad) but apparently Barry was in them again now. Francis wasn’t sure if he could call Barry a friend or if the cub considered him one… but hanging out with him and Michael had been more fun than the foal had had since he’d gotten old enough to understand his situation. Even though mom was less than approving of some of Barry’s bad habits… which lead to the first time Francis had seen her spank and put somebody in the naughty corner other than him. It gave him something to join in on the teasing and ribbing the cubchoo anyway.
But what the cubchoo really gave him was a dream… well… more Francis took the cubchoo’s dream of being a battler and used it as his own. The way Barry talked about fighting in the arena, him being willing to use being diapered and babyish against his opponent, and more importantly the fact he was GOOD at it were all amazing to Francis and the foal couldn’t help but wanna join in. Even if it was just because he’d never had anything to work towards before beyond someday getting out of diapers and not losing the muscle mass he’d managed to build up. He’d already been on a strict workout and move training regime (his version of “gym class” according to what Michael said) since he’d evolved so the only difficult thing had been talking mom into the idea. Well… not so much talking as swallowing his pride and begging like he was 4 again and wanted that shiny new toy in the toy store… but it’d worked, eventually.
He’d started training and studying with all his might to be a battler and going to the local pro-league fights to learn more about it… especially since he and Barry could get in on a kids ticket if Michael was with them to help with the ruse. All so he could show Barry how tough he’d gotten and face the cubchoo on equal footing… of course, the bear cub always staunchly refused to actually FIGHT him whenever Francis brought the idea up, even if it was just sparring. That always chapped the pony’s hide worse than diaper rash. Either way Francis had been practicing, getting mom and Michael to take him to the little tournaments he knew Barry didn’t bother with anymore, and working his way up to the city’s biggest tournament in hopes of catching Barry by surprise and finally getting to fight him seriously…
Then the cubchoo had gone off to the PCA and ruined Francis’s plans. Finding that out had triggered his first tantrum in a long, long time… and like always it hadn’t helped to make the pony feel any better. Not knowing what else to do Francis had continued going to tournaments like he’d originally planned, finally entering the big tournament where he’d hoped to fight Barry. It’d felt reeeeeeally good to beat up Alexander (Michael and Barry had told him plenty about the big bully)… he’d just wished Barry had been there to see it is all and be surprised. Course, the fact a PCA recruiter had come to see him and mom afterwards had been a big surprise to everyone. The fact Michael had been considering going to the PCA as well just helped clinch it (and more importantly convinced mom there’d be somebody responsible in the school to look out for him… Barry didn’t qualify in her eyes) and the foal had found himself enrolled in an actual school for the first time in his life.
There was just one question he couldn’t get out of his head now…
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“… Mr. Williams?”
“Yes?”
“… why didn’t you ask about the fact I look like a huge toddler?” Francis asked, too curious to try and beat around the bush with the question. He’d managed to hold it in through the first minute of stretching but now, as he sat on his padded butt and stretched the way his instructor had shown him, he just had to ask. Mitch, who’d been standing next to Francis supervising him, immediately moved to sit down next to the stretching pony "That's simple, you already went through medical screening and were given the OK, my job is to diagnose your skill set and adjust your program with remedial classes if necessary.” Mitch explained in a gentle, father-to-child “It’s okay, accidents happen, soaked pants are nothing to cry over” manner “I'm sure every student has a story to tell, and I'd love to sit with each and hear them, but it's not really something I should go around asking, don't you think?" he finished, giving Francis a big, reassuringly smile. The foal just sat there for a moment before slowly nodding and looking apologetic "... sorry, used to people asking and having to tell them about my mother and the drugs..."
With that said Francis resumed stretching… till half a minute later when a look of embarrassment crossed his face as he groaned. He’d just realized that he’d gone and blurted it out to Mitch anyway. The instructor chuckled lightly "If you want we can both pretend that part of the conversation never happened, would that be better?" Mr. William said, gently stroking the pony’s head reassuringly (and again like the foal was the age he looked) as Francis could only nod weakly before he mumbled a pink cheeked apology "Sure... sorry." Mitch gave another warm smile at this “I don’t mind either way. Now, ready for your test?” he asked with a friendly wink and a light pat on Francis’s head “That rival of yours won’t beat himself!” the charizard added for good measure as Francis’s cheeks flushed even pinker, the foal managed a timid nod in response and looked up to the charizard instructor expectantly.
"Now, breathe in," Mitch said, the charizard gesturing with his hands to illustrate a diaphragm lift. "Fill your lungs," he added, before his hands inverted the previous motion to sweep downwards "and then empty them" Francis watched as he got to his hooves before taking a long, deep breath as his chubby cheeks and chest puffed up before the foal let out a whinny like exhale. The instructor smile at that "You have good form.” Mitch praised “Let's move to the battle court, it's more resistant to elements." He said, this time pointing at the part of the gym he meant while he started moving towards it, giving the unicorn a clearer lead than before. Nodding and trying to look as professional and serious as his appearance and outfit allowed Francis clopped over, following behind Mitch. "Here," Mr. Williams said, stopping in the middle of the indicated area and looking down to the foal "Now do the same, but instead of exhaling I want you to show off your flames. Any move will do, just aim to the air or within the court."
That seemed to catch Francis off guard as he blinked for a moment before getting a thoughtful look on his face as if mentally running down a list. After a moment of deliberating France finally nodded, letting out a nervous sounding “Okay…” before he turned to face away from Mitch and took another deep breath. This time the crackle of flames filled the air as the rapidash's blazing mane and tail seem to burn brighter and flare up as the pony breathed in, rippling and flowing more than before. The crackling grew into a full on roar as Francis exhaled and let out a positively MASSIVE Fire Blast. The flames formed into the familiar kanji symbol for "big" which swelled up bigger and bigger, the single exhale from the foal somehow still feeding the attack. Finally the blazing symbol stopped growing, having reached a size rivaling the Fire Blast of older students who were twice the pony’s size (Mitch would know, having taught more than a few of them), before dissipating into a show of embers in the open air. Despite how huge the attack had been it looked like Francis hadn’t put any exceptional effort into the move as the pony looked up to Mitch with big, innocent & nervous eyes and a slightly trembling lip as if worried the charizard wouldn't approve.
Being a veteran firefighter, Mitch’s reflexes kicked in the moment the Fire Blast started to take shape. Moving from a passive stance to an active one the charizard’s eyes darted from Francis to the edges of the attack, watching closely for any mistake that might place the student at risk or let the fire get out of control. His stance only relaxed when the flames finally dissipated, the instructor let out a sigh of relief before requesting Francis “Breath in and out please.” which the foal obeyed despite fidgeting and being visibly nervous about how his move had gone over. "Alright, now rest. Just needed to make sure you weren't trying to impress with that fire blast.” Mitch said with a satisfied and enthusiastic smile on his face as he returned to writing in his notebook, faster than before. This did nothing to reassure Francis as the pony spoke up "S-so... did I do okay?" he squeaked, nerves helping his voice reach a pitch more suiting his appearance.
Mr. Williams just chuckled, looking up to give Francis a reassuring smile to settle the pony’s nerves "Can't tell you yet, the test is not over.” He said in a friendly matter-of-fact way before asking “Do you have a smaller fire move that you're confident using?" Prompting Francis to timidly rub his head, hand passing through the flame to no ill effect, as the foal nodded "Er... yeah, Fire Spin. That and Fire Blast are my only two non-physical fire moves..." Nodding as the rapidash said this Mitch cleanly tore a sheet of paper from his notebook and laid it flat on the ground before stepping back "Can you make a loop around this?” the charizard asked, looking to Francis expectantly “I'd like you to make it as close as possible without actually burning the sheet." The pony tilted his head, his expression and tone surprised “… really?” looking at the paper on the ground for a moment Francis looked back to Mitch “"Um... do you want it to be tall or just a normal little loop?"
"Baby steps, first a little loop." Mitch said, without a hit of sarcasm or irony, as Francis made a face "... gonna hope that was an unintentional comment..." the foal whinnied, before taking a small breath, his mane and tail crackling again, as he exhaled a small stream of flames. Touching down the fire flowed around the piece of paper to form a very compact ring without setting the paper aflame like Mr. Williams had asked. For about a second anyway before the Fire Spin tried to flare up and grow like Francis’s Fire Blast had done, the pony having to struggle for a moment before he managed to stabilize the attack and bring it fully under control. Mitch nodded approvingly, watching for a moment before asking "Alright, now make it square." Which resulted in a sputtering sound as Francis stopped breathing flames to snap his head over and look at the instructor. His expression asking "Wait, are you serious?" far louder than words would manage…
As the charizard broke out laughting "Sorry, sorry. It would have been impressive if you could actually do that, but that's not the point of this exercise.” He said reassuringly while smiling to the student “Relax, I have enough information with what I've seen already.” Francis nodded weakly, managing an "O-okay..." as the pony looked utterly mystified at the concept of how somebody would manage making a square Fire Spin. “Now…” Mr. Williams said, jotting a few more things in his notebook “I just have a few more tests for you and then we’re done… I’ll tell you how you did after, okay?” he gave Francis a smile as the pony nodded before Mitch continued “So… what other moves do you know?”
“Well…”
*********************
The warmth of Sunny Day filling the gym slowly died down alongside the flames around the little rapidash. Francis's mane, tail, and limb flames slowly returning to their normal size as he finished the last of his move demonstrations. "Yeah... along with being tiny and everything all the drugs my mother took somehow made my flames really powerful..." the foal said before looking up to Mitch "So I was given lessons in control along with physical therapy when I was little... though, don't think they ever expected me to take up battling..." Nodding as he finished the last of his write-ups in the notebook the charizard walked over to the pony once more "Alright, ready for the news?" he asked as Francis let out a barely audible gulp before kicking his foot once against the ground nervously, producing a distinctive clop sound, and finally nodded. “Congratulations!” Mitch said loudly, the word echoing off the gym walls, before kneeling and grabbing Francis’s shoulders in a fatherly gesture "You did well enough here not to need remedials on fire use and control." He explained with a proud and satisfied smile on his face.
There was a moment of stunned comprehension from the pony… before his face lit up like a five year old who'd just been told he was going to the circus. The big, unabashed smile on the foal’s face was adorable as Francis threw teen dignity to the wind as he looked up to Mitch, arms held in a childishly eager looking position in front of him, and asked “Really?” in an excited tone. “Really.” Mitch said, standing back up as he gave Francis a gentle head ruffle "You have a good starting foot for your grade. I'll hand you over some exercises to improve your control under pressure, but you don't have to worry about needing to catch up in fire moves." The charizard explained as Francis blushed at having his head ruffled like a little kid… even as the foal nodded, still smiling broadly as he looked up to Mr. Williams. Before Francis could properly thank Mitch for all this there was a polite knock at the gym door…
And before Mitch could respond to the knock the door to the gym was rudely shoved open as Barry sauntered in. The cubchoo acting like he was twice his size and the age he appeared... Michael was left standing at the door, one hand still raised to knock, the girafarig put his other hand over his eyes in a frustrated "not this again" motion. Mitch slowly turned his head, checking the identity of the intruder with the corner of his eye, before speaking "The gym is booked for another 20 minutes and the fire alarm is off so... you better have a good excuse, young one." His tone was stern and held the authority of a teacher… which Barry seemed to acknowledge as the punkish polar bear cub stopped in his tracks and muttered out a half-hearted “Er… sorry?” as Michael entered the gym behind him, politely shutting the door Barry had shoved open so roughly.
Containing a small snicker at this Mitch managed to maintain his tone as the charizard continued "Sorry won't cut it, you really need a good excuse to justify interrupting a fellow student's time.” His lecturing tone took an almost scolding like quality suited for Barry’s appearance “Please, tell me your business or wait outside until I can attend you." Before this could go on though Francis, who’d been standing there staring and gawking in surprise, blurted out "Barry!? W-what are you doing here!? Er..." realizing what he’d just said the foal fidgeted in embarrassment and stuttered "I mean... I know you go to school here but..." Francis trailed off, giving Barry the chance to jerk his thumb over his shoulder and point at Michael. "He told me you were here and where you were..." the bear said bluntly before moving his gaze up, waaaaaaay up, to look at Mitch "And my business is with your little pony there... er... sir." He said, quickly tacking on the sir in an attempt to be respectful to the charizard.
"So you know each other, huh?" Mitch said, looking back and forth between the two small students before settling his gaze on Barry "Still not a good enough reason, the least you should do is apologize.” The charizard said, sounding like he was chastising a little kid “It wouldn't be nice if you were doing something important and got interrupted the same way, don't you think?" he asked… as Barry seemed to complete miss what the instructor was saying as he padded over to Francis, the pony clopping over to meet the cubchoo as the two almost stood nose to nose with each other. "What are you DOING here!?" Barry demanded, looking up a tiny bit since the rapidash looked to have an inch or two on him height wise (though Francis’s massive mane gave the impression it was more) on the bear cub. "Cause of you! Why didn't you tell me you were going!?" the foal shot back, poking Barry in the chest to punctuate his question as the cubchoo puffed his cheeks and chest up childishly before shooting back "Well... cause! Anyway a diaper pony like you shouldn't be here!" which he punctuated with a light, one handed shove that didn’t budge Francis an inch.
"Oh like a unpotty trained polar bear should?" Francis scoffed, both boys sounding closer and closer to childish whining with each word. Barry stomped his foot in protest, doing nothing to help how immature he looked, and growled "Hey!! I'm potty trained!" before correcting himself after a minute of Francis staring at him incredulously "Sorta!” as the bickering between the two continued. Between how familiar the two seemed with each other and how childish they were acting it strongly resembled a pair of slightly bratty pre-school siblings arguing about having to share the same playroom. All while this was going on a bemused Mitch glanced to the one student in the room that actually like he belonged in a high school "Did I lower my voice too much? The guys at the FD say I tend to do it when talking to kids." He asked as the girafarig clopped over, the charizard’s tone a little softer than his scolding one from before.
"No, no... these two just haven't seen each other in a while. Lot of catching up to do..." Michael sighed, the look of an exasperated babysitting handling little kids on his face, as he clopped over to Mitch "I'll give Barry another lecture about manners later... I'm Michael, Francis's cousin. It's nice to meet you sir." He said formally as the girafarig offered the charizard a handshake while Mimi peeked around him to look up at Mitch curiously, still sucking her pacifier. Being unintentionally condescending the charizard reached past the offered hand to instead pat Michael on the shoulder "A pleasure, Michael. You may call me Mr. Williams, and it's good to see students responsible for their fellows.” The charizard said while moving his hand over to gently stroke Mimi’s head with the back of a finger "Now mind helping me rein them apart? I still need to wrap up things with your cousin." Mimi trilling happily at the stroke as Michael stood there for a moment with his hand still stuck out caught off guard by the welcome. "Er... sure.” he said, managing to regain his composure as he lowered the offered hand “Hope we didn't interrupt Francis's tests... Barry's the one who kinda inspired my cousin to take up battling so when I let him know Francis was here it was kinda hard to keep him away..." the normal/psychic explained as he looked over…
Where the two teen toddlers were still bickering like before. Now it seemed they’d changed topics to matches Francis won back home while Barry was away and whether the cubchoo could have done better… though judging by their smiles they did seem to agree that beating the ego off of somebody named Alexander was fun. "I can tell it'll be hard to unstick them and that's why I asked your help," Mitch commented, sounding more amused by the situation than annoyed as he continued to gently play with Michael’s baby-like tail head "By the way, does the sweetie have a name?" he asked, again catching Michael off guard as the girafarig stammered out "Er... Mimi, I call her Mimi." as Mimi made a happy noise behind her pacifier in response to her name, positively basking in the attention.
As suddenly a teen voice gone adorably childish called for their attention “Mr. Williams!” the sound of hooves punctuated the call as Francis trotted over to the instructor, Barry close behind him. "Mr. Williams, tell Barry how good I did on the test please! Tell him how I don't need remedials..." the foal requested, looking up to the charizard, before realizing what he'd left out and blushing "O-oh! T-this is Barry." Francis stuttered, motioning to the cub who looked grumpy as could be "I-I told you about him earlier, he's my... rival." The rapidash fumbled for a moment as he tried to recall what term he'd used.
Turning to look at the foal Mitch smiled warmly at the request "Of course, Francis, if that's what you want we can discuss your results with your friends here." The charizard said as the pony gave a big grin in return "Thank you sir!" he said cheerfully… before lightly elbowing Barry and commenting “See, I told you.” As the bear cub just folded his arms, managing a perfect pouting child pose in his grumpy demeanor. Craning his neck down to get closer to the small students Mitch took ahold of both their shoulders as he spoke "Let's hope you're doing your homework, Barry, 'cause your rival here looks really promising.” The charizardss tone was proud as he motioned to Francis with his head while talking to Barry “He's in very good shape for a rookie and has a fine grip on his moves, aren't you happy for him?" Caught off guard by the shoulder grab and the question the cubchoo staggered a little. His grumpy look replaced with a childish look of surprise "Y-yeah I'm happy, n-never said I wasn't!" Barry stuttered, trying not to blush and failing as Francis smiled proudly "Just didn't know he was coming to the PCA is all..." the polar bear cub sulked, looking away from Mitch as he wasn't even bothering to try and regain his little thug composure at this point.
Smiling and kneeling down to the boys the fire type teacher grabbed the hands of both little ones as he continued from earlier "I was a kid too you know, my best childhood memories come from competing with my friends and rivals.” Mitch said, his voice warm and fatherly as he gently lifted the boy’s hands up a little “Always remember to keep it friendly and the experience will stay fun. Can you two promise that?" he asked… as both boys just stared at him blankly. An adorable “Confused Kindergartner” expression on their faces since the charizard had completely lost them. Since they weren’t resisting Mitch followed through with what felt natural as he entangled the boy’s pinkies together in the pinkie swear posture "Shall I take that as a yes? It'd be good if you two said it to each other." He said, looking between the two and still smiling.
"W-what are we promising here?" Barry stuttered as he looked at the instructor, too surprised and confused to even cuss like he normally did. "Um... you w-went a little fast Mr. Williams, like Barry asked what are you wanting us to promise?" Francis asked, as he shifted a little nervously while still managing a tiny bit more composure than the polar bear cub. Mitch chuckled at this reaction “Okay, I'll say it again, so please pay attention.” The charizard was speaking a little slower this time, his voice unintentionally taking on a patronizing tone “You two have a very special bond in your rivalry; to get the best out of it and of each other, it is very important that you keep it friendly no matter what, that way you can enjoy learning and growing together and have fun while you’re at it. Can you two promise to always play nice and cheer for each other like good friends and rivals?" he finished, sounding like he was finishing a lecture about fair play and sportsmanship to a first grade class.
This got a moment of silence as both boys just stared at him, apparently not sure they heard him right, as their gaze moved between Mitch's hands holding their hands in the pinkie swear position, the charizard himself, and finally to each other as if to confirm there was no other way out of this. After a long moment, they let out a sigh (though it was more like a whinny for Francis) and reluctantly said "We promise to play nice and cheer for each other..." together, only being slightly off in their stereo. Both of the childish looking teen obviously more than a little shamed and embarrassed by this treatment. Undeterred by the boy’s unenthusiastic choir Mitch gave an encouraging grin as the charizard finally let go of their hands to pat the boys heads "That's what I like to hear, cubs!” he said happily, the boys quickly put their hands down once they were freed “An old Viridian saying has it that caterpies didn't learn to fight back until the arrival of weedles, so as long as you stay on each other's toes you can achieve great things too! Just believe in yourselves and in each other." The charizard sounded like a scout leader trying to encourage a junior troop as Barry and Francis stood there, doing their best to ignore him as their pink flushed cheeks were puffed out and their lips pursed in adorable, embarrassed pouts…
All the while Michael was doing his best to keep from being seen or noticed as the girafarig had one hand clamped tightly over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at what he’d just watched… while the other held up a phone that’d recorded the whole thing. So he could make sure Barry and his cousin NEVER lived this one down~ What else were friends for after all~?
The End.
Category Story / Pokemon
Species Pokemon
Size 1280 x 1110px
File Size 230.6 kB
Okay, so overall the story was okay. There's a decent grasp on flow and pacing, and I'm willing to overlook the massive infodump for Francis's back story, given the nature of your medium.
However, your mechanics are subpar; you're not capitalizing proper nouns (Pokemon names should be capitalized, for example), your dialogue punctuation and structure is simply nonexistent more often than not, and you use the wrong homonym at times (your instead of you're was the one that I noticed). Periods, commas, quotations and other punctuation marks were missing as well.
On the style side, it wasn't dull, but you had very little in the way of technique or wordplay. Metaphors, similes, juxtaposition, alliteration, or other such tools were largely absent or used in overly simplistic ways.
All in all, I'd give it a 4/10, 6/10 if you fixed the mechanical issues since they really make it difficult to figure out who's talking and what's going on at times. That's my quick and dirty review, but if you're truly invested in improving your writing, I can list specific errors and what you'd need to do in order to fix them.
Remember, despite the relative harshness of my review, your writing here is still better than 80% of what I've read on this website. Unlike them, you're not hopeless, so don't squander your skill. Write hard, write long, and may your ink always be fresh.
I made this on my phone, so please excuse any moments of my autocorrect being overzealous that I might have missed.
However, your mechanics are subpar; you're not capitalizing proper nouns (Pokemon names should be capitalized, for example), your dialogue punctuation and structure is simply nonexistent more often than not, and you use the wrong homonym at times (your instead of you're was the one that I noticed). Periods, commas, quotations and other punctuation marks were missing as well.
On the style side, it wasn't dull, but you had very little in the way of technique or wordplay. Metaphors, similes, juxtaposition, alliteration, or other such tools were largely absent or used in overly simplistic ways.
All in all, I'd give it a 4/10, 6/10 if you fixed the mechanical issues since they really make it difficult to figure out who's talking and what's going on at times. That's my quick and dirty review, but if you're truly invested in improving your writing, I can list specific errors and what you'd need to do in order to fix them.
Remember, despite the relative harshness of my review, your writing here is still better than 80% of what I've read on this website. Unlike them, you're not hopeless, so don't squander your skill. Write hard, write long, and may your ink always be fresh.
I made this on my phone, so please excuse any moments of my autocorrect being overzealous that I might have missed.
Thank you for taking the time to going into depth about it. I won't pretend it doesn't sting to be told where I've messed up, particularly this bluntly, but I'm not so thin skinned as to take criticism as an attack so don't worry about that. To be honest I also can't pretend I don't write for fun and to vent a lot of stress I deal with (especially as of late with how things are going for me) so I don't know how well I'll be able to take your criticism to heart and WOTK at improving since this is more or less a hobby with me and I improve (I hope) slowly over time as I do it for fun...
But I will consider it and, at the risk of sounding cliché or corny, hope you enjoyed reading the story since that's the main measure I have of it's worth outside of how I enjoyed writing it and creating these characters and situations.
So thank you and I hope you will at least be able to enjoy future stories I put here.
But I will consider it and, at the risk of sounding cliché or corny, hope you enjoyed reading the story since that's the main measure I have of it's worth outside of how I enjoyed writing it and creating these characters and situations.
So thank you and I hope you will at least be able to enjoy future stories I put here.
Okay. That's promising, you're certainly far more mature than most other people I've delivered bad news to. Granted I'm usually a lot more inventive with my critique, usually resulting in it being more insulting as well, but it's simply more fun that way :P
Anyways, do you have a Skype profile or something? It's much easier to discuss details in a live chat than with comments.
Anyways, do you have a Skype profile or something? It's much easier to discuss details in a live chat than with comments.
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