Furry fandom is filled with certain tropes, occurrences and themes that seem more than simply common. If you want to live a normal life without being transformed, mind controlled, enslaved, raped, eaten, or otherwise taken advantage of, then you might want to follow these rules. On the other hand, of course, if you find any of this intriguing, then you are free to disregard any or all of it. However, the writer of this list takes no responsibility for your mental or physical health and welfare should you choose to do so.

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101 Rules to Live By
(If the World Worked Like It Does in Furry Art and Fiction)

1. Never take a short-cut, especially through an alley.
2. Do not drink any untreated water.
3. For that matter, don't drink colored liquids in unsealed containers. You can bet it's a potion.
4. Speaking of potions, avoid cure-alls. They always have side effects.
5. Avoid tempting fate with phrases like, "What's the worst that can happen?" or "Come on, it's perfectly safe!"
6. Do not participate in any native rituals without getting a full explanation of what you're to do and what the result is to be.
7. If someone gives you a device or artifact with a mysterious function, don't activate it.
8. Never enter a house or factory that has been abandoned for more than a year.
9. And don't break into mansions with shady reputations, or occupied by someone with one.
10. If you see a person-sized flower or plant of a type you've never seen, do not approach it alone. And try to avoid getting near it even with others nearby.
11. If you get a package and you hadn't ordered anything, don't open it.
12. Never look into anyone's eyes. Especially if they tell you to.
13. Never use any kind of sex toy made out of latex.
14. There is no real safety in numbers, but it is definitely safer. Avoid being alone.
15. Don't date more than one person at once, or commit adultery. This tends to invite retribution, either personal or karmic.
16. No virtual reality. Ever.
17. Don't flirt with people who make it clear they don't want to flirt back.
18. Do not click on webpage ads that promise vague improvements or changes to your life.
19. If your car breaks down in the snow or rain, do not approach any house and ask to use their telephone.
20. Do not sign up for any sort of medical or psychological experiment.
21. Don't be obsessive. Knowing absolutely every piece of trivia about something, or trying to collect absolutely every piece of whatever, is a really bad idea.
22. Beware of any costumes that are too realistic.
23. When you are told something is cursed, believe it and avoid it.
24. Free food is not your friend, especially from people you don't know.
25. If you're going to use a teleporter, make damned sure you're the only macroorganism inside the booth.
26. Don't break anything in a temple.
27. If it's over 50 years old, you can bet it's an ancient magical artifact. Get rid of it.
28. Never write more than 3 pieces of fan fiction about any one show, book, or game.
29. Don't look at your reflection for very long. A quick glance is best, especially with mirrors.
30. Spam that offers body enhancements might not just be a scam, it may be outright dangerous!
31. Don't wear clothing or other items not appropriate to your gender, age, or species, or you may find yourself needing it.
32. And even if it is appropriate to your age, gender, and species, if you found it in a weird place like a cave, temple, ruin, or museum then it is most definitely not safe to wear.
33. If you're getting private lessons, make sure they're in a public place.
34. Do not accept any food or gifts from someone who is still mad at you.
35. Don't play practical jokes. Sooner or later, one will backfire.
36. For crying out loud, don't visit Pleasure Island. I mean, really, folks.
37. Don't read old books aloud.
38. Do not sneak into the zoo.
39. Sometimes, it's better to get hit with detention or jail than it is to take the alternative you were offered.
40. If you're hired as temporary help, make sure you understand how your employment is expected to end.
41. Phrase your wishes carefully – though if you don't know this by now, you're a lost cause.
42. Never volunteer at a stage show.
43. When verbally making an agreement or receiving directions, be wary of homophones and phrases that can be taken more than one way.
44. Never use expired medication or eat expired food.
45. Stay away from farms, unless you're in the owner's family.
46. Don't accept any bets where the loser has to do anything the winner says, even if it's just for a short time.
47. Stay at a chain hotel or one with an excellent reputation, not someplace you've never heard of. Even if it looks nice.
48. And avoid bed-and-breakfasts entirely.
49. Do anything you can to avoid being the weakest, most passive person in the locker room.
50. If you're bitten by anything larger than a mosquito, look into werecreature cures. Actually, better include mosquitoes in that.
51. Don't step in puddles of anything but water or mud.
52. Keep an eye out for thick, gooey substances dripping down from the ceilings, too.
53. If you want to engage in some role-playing in the bedroom, that's fine. Have fun. If someone else wants you to engage in some role-playing in the bedroom, run away.
54. It's probably best not to get into bondage play at all.
55. Never step into a glass booth inside a control room. Not even for a second. Just no.
56. Don't be an identity thief. Not only is it illegal, but chances are it's not an identity you actually want.
57. Don't visit any countries with cultures that include some large group or class that is considered inferior. Guaranteed, you'll wind up among their number.
58. If someone tries to tell you that something is really important and you really ought to know it, don't tell them there's no time for it or you'll hear it later. Listen.
59. Always read the entire spell before you cast it.
60. Don't skim over contracts you sign, either, or accept someone just telling you the gist. Read every part.
61. Yes, that includes the license agreements for online sites.
62. Oh, heck. Just read all instructions before you use it. Whatever "it" might be.
63. Never touch any sort of fertility idol. Best not to be in the same room, really.
64. Don't use off-brand headphones.
65. Keep out of restricted areas.
66. Do not touch any meteorites that are still smoking. If it's glowing, run.
67. Avoid amateur inventors. Either they're incompetent and their device will go haywire, or they're not and it'll do exactly what they wanted it to. Whichever it is, you're screwed.
68. And keep away from amateur mages, too. They never get their spells right, which is hilarious unless you're anywhere near them when it happens. And you will be.
69. And don't be an amateur mage yourself. Magic is not something to be learned from a book you found or a correspondence course. Get an apprenticeship or attend a magic school.
70. Don't emulate an animal in any way, or pretend to be one.
71. And avoid games with names that include animals, like horseshoes and leapfrog.
72. Don't accept the bet if everyone nearby is laughing ominously or smiling in anticipation.
73. Do not meet the performer backstage for a private performance or to ask advice.
74. Never listen to things that aren't supposed to be able to speak.
75. If the clothing in the store looks ready to pounce, shop elsewhere.
76. Never insult or mock anyone who might possibly be a witch.
77. Obey any signs warning against doing something, like swimming at this particular spot or pressing this button.
78. If you have to wear a disguise in order to gain entry, then it's probably not worth entering.
79. Don't be an early adopter for new technology. One of them will eventually get you.
80. Avoid confrontations with militant feminists and vegans.
81. Don't climb into any exhibit at the museum, zoo, art gallery, or similar location.
82. Never participate in any kind of Secret Santa exchange.
83. Don't be a bully. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, but that twerp will get his own back someday, with interest.
84. If your psychiatrist wants to try hypnotherapy, decline.
85. Any variation of "Beware of Dog" really means it.
86. Don't argue with a wizard.
87. Do not take any online quiz that offers to match your personality with that of the characters in a popular show, game, or comic.
88. Avoid prostitution, from either side of the exchange. It can only end badly for you.
89. Don't give yourself a nickname, or let others give you one.
90. If you meet a god, be very polite. Then get as far away as you can.
91. Conversely, don't underestimate the little ones, either. Pixies and faeries and the like can really screw you over, and that kobold or goblin is probably tougher than it looks.
92. Do not take on a job as any sort of mascot.
93. If you find a game in your attic or a dusty old shop that looks anything like Jumanji, don't play it.
94. Avoid debates about whose life is easier and whose is tougher, whether it's over gender, species, or anything else.
95. If the costume or battle suit has a slimy or sticky lining inside, or requires you be naked to wear it, don't put it on.
96. Don't piss off Mother Nature by littering, hunting creatures that are endangered or out of season, and so forth.
97. Make sure the hospital you're visiting employs medical professionals, not mad doctors.
98. If someone, even a friend, offers you some music to help you sleep, delete it.
99. Never, ever ask to be shown how the meal was made.
100. Make sure you already match your partner's sexual tastes, lest you be made to match them.
101. And finally, don't be paranoid! The universe just loves irony.

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I hope this list was as fun to read as it was to write. It was surprisingly hard to think up a hundred or more rules. I may start commissioning illustrations to them, or possibly making a sketchbook for it to bring to conventions.

My thanks to  malicthewriter and  skiesofsilver, who each contributed a few. And if you think of anything that you feel I missed, feel free to suggest them in the comments!