-Ring ring-
-click-

“Hello, and thank you for calling The River Styx Company. My name is Yanette, may I have your name so I can direct your Afterlife?”

Every day, every hour, every minute. I say that line. I have been doing this for over one million years. Mind you, a lot has changed over the eons. This used to be a much more personal job. You’d meet new people, you’d take them in your boat and cross the River Styx, and guide them to their personal afterlife. The Greek Elysian Plains, The christian heaven, I’ve even taken people to Nirvana, not that I ever got to visit… Now it was just the souls get dialed in, I pick up the call, they tell me who I am, I look up their rap sheet, and send them on their way. Every now and then, you get an oddball… someone who got dialed in too early, and you have to hit the recall button, but those are pretty rare, maybe one in one hundred thousand calls, but after about a year, everyone’s done at least one.

I’m sure you can guess by now, what it is I do. Over the millenia, I’ve been called many things. An Angel of Death… the Grim Reaper, The Ferryman, and now… Telemarketer. Can you hear my eyes rolling? Anyway. I used to be one of like… six immortal beings who ferried souls to the afterlives… but as humans grew more populous, and technology became more prominent, we’ve had to make some changes, a few new hires had to be found. This call center is purgatory. Any soul whose fate is undecided gets sent here, to work as a ferryman, answering calls and sending people on their way for a hundred years, until they’re “retired” and reborn as something, or someone else, depending on their beliefs.

The guy two cubicles down from me has been here for almost his whole term. His name is Saied, and I’ll miss him when he goes… not just because he’s scheduled to be reborn as a dairy cow in Jersey, but because he tells the most hilarious jokes when we’re on break. He seems to be okay with his allotted new life, though. He’s Hindu, so he think’s it’s an upgrade. Can’t say I really disagree, at this point, anything would be an upgrade from this.

-Ring ring-

-Click-

“Thank you for calling The River Styx. May I have your name so I may direct your afterlife?” I can hear sobbing on the other end. It sounds like a child. God dammit, I hate it when it’s kids… They don’t even get a chance… they’re always sent to purgatory… but at least his stay would be pretty short.

“Max, my name is Max.” Yep, it was a kid. Maybe six from the sound of it.

“Max what, sweetheart. I need your full name.” I typed in the three letters, and seventeen names from the last minute appeared on the screen. I could rule out the seven guys in their forties, at least. The kid mumbled and sniffled for a little while longer, before giving me his full name, and I selected him. Apparently, he was just old enough to have done a proper good deed. Well then, that meant his stay would be exceptionally short. “Okay, Max. I’m going to transfer you to Human Resources now, and we’ll get you set up with a rebirth schedule, and then we’ll start you on training. You’ll be working with me for a few months, and then you’ll be back into the world. Oh… and I’m sorry for your loss, kiddo. No one deserves to go so early.” I hit the keys, and hung up the phone. I watched the little glow travel down the lines, and sighed.

“Dad… I seriously need a vacation.”