My dog, Shiro, was having trouble walking about two months ago. It turned out he had malignant tumors in both legs, and the surgery to remove the tumors (and one leg) would have been too risky, and there was a very high chance he would just bleed out on the table, so he was in the "keeping him comfortable" stage for about...3 weeks to a month, now.

He was on a few medications and actually seemed to be getting better, the swelling in the legs had gone down and he was moving around a lot better, but earlier tonight, my mom said he "wasn't feeling well" and that she had let him outside, but from the sound of his symptoms...I thought he should probably go to the vet (but our usual one was closed). Mom had to go meet someone, so I went outside to check on Shiro myself, and I did not like what I found. He was on the ground...couldn't get up...and his tongue and gums were stark white.

I immediately rushed him to the doggy ER, which was tough, because I'm 110 max and a weak little shit, and he could barely move. When I got him there, they rushed him in to get an IV and X-Rays, but I was already a mess because...I've had a lot of pets in my life. I know what "it's over" looks like. Considering everything else we already knew he was up against, I knew whatever this was was it.

And it was, really. Turns out he had tumors everywhere, which by the way? Had grown from not visible on X-Rays to "deadly problem" size in about three weeks. Last time he had X-rays done, he had two tumors (the leg ones we knew about). But apparently in that time, he'd developed one on his spleen which grew so large that the spleen ruptured, and he was internally bleeding out.

Honestly, there was something that could have been done. He could have gotten a blood transfusion and the spleen could have been removed, and I considered that, until I heard the next part, which was that it would only buy him 5 months, max.

And considering how miserable he'd been since the leg tumors started...considering he couldn't go for walks at the canal anymore, and chasing motorcycles from inside the fence (his favorite activity) would cause him nothing but fatigue and pain...and just...the look in his eyes that he's had for days now...I knew even if I bought him those 5 months, they wouldn't be anything but more suffering.

So...I had him put down.

Everything's pretty weird right now. It's hard to not have a dog there when you've had one there for so long, but I'm sure you all know the deal by now. Most of you have had pets, and most of you have felt that same sad weirdness, so I don't need to go into too much depth describing it.

I'll be okay eventually, but...I'll miss you, Shiro.
So many people loved you, buddy.

I don't believe in rainbow bridges, but I wish I did.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4182236/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4308604/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4182396/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3066574/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4182415/

(This photo was one I took in a panicked rush before bringing him to the ER. I knew it might be my last chance, and I'm glad I did it. The pawprint is a scan of his actual pawprint, and now it's what I have to remember him by.)