
Excerpt from a terrible dream
Some people will come to me in private messages and talk about many things. Now and again I have been asked how I endure. How do I endure depression? How do I keep on going when everything inside myself tells me to do nothing at all? This dream I had...this terrible dream is my little reminder from a thing that knows so very intimately about that struggle.
How do I endure..? I must endure. When I rub my temples, when I sigh into my hands and feel the weight on my chest, the cold and numb tingling in my fingers..I see everything horrible that I can become. That every single one of us can become when we willingly give in to impulse, and abandon our emotions for something far more..concealing. When we thrive from conflict when deep down inside we want..we want something to believe in again.
When I see these things..when I can hear every word and witness every action, I can feel the tears running down my cheeks because this world does not deserve it. No heart deserves to be broken, no dream turned to hushed whispers. Whatever pain there is..it must turn away inside me. It must not be the one that speaks and endures. Whatever anger, whatever bitterness..must serve beneath patience and empathy.
So as I sigh into my hands and remove them, there is a smile somewhere deep down inside all those terrible feelings. Waiting to return and remind others there is hope, not hate. Please think now and again about this..
Please remember how terribly powerful you are. How much hate and ruin you can create. How much hope you can consume. Please remember that you will have so many chances in your life each and every day to prove the world isn't so consumed as..as I think it is some days...you're so many wonderful things waiting to happen..
How do I endure..? I must endure. When I rub my temples, when I sigh into my hands and feel the weight on my chest, the cold and numb tingling in my fingers..I see everything horrible that I can become. That every single one of us can become when we willingly give in to impulse, and abandon our emotions for something far more..concealing. When we thrive from conflict when deep down inside we want..we want something to believe in again.
When I see these things..when I can hear every word and witness every action, I can feel the tears running down my cheeks because this world does not deserve it. No heart deserves to be broken, no dream turned to hushed whispers. Whatever pain there is..it must turn away inside me. It must not be the one that speaks and endures. Whatever anger, whatever bitterness..must serve beneath patience and empathy.
So as I sigh into my hands and remove them, there is a smile somewhere deep down inside all those terrible feelings. Waiting to return and remind others there is hope, not hate. Please think now and again about this..
Please remember how terribly powerful you are. How much hate and ruin you can create. How much hope you can consume. Please remember that you will have so many chances in your life each and every day to prove the world isn't so consumed as..as I think it is some days...you're so many wonderful things waiting to happen..
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Yes, I recognize the anger and hate I could create, am capable of. It scares me.
But for now, the anti-depressants I'm taking (at maximum dose) keep things in check as I learn how to be less angry or at least, I hope that I am.
Changes will come, change always does, but for now I am at peace and I can do a little here and there to help others as best I can.
Your work also helps people, touches them, even a small effect can start a greater change over time.
Whether or not they comment, favorite, or respond in any way, they will be a different person after reading your works.
So, thank you. In particular I thank you for 'Functional Just Dysfunctional' as it has given me a slightly clearer understanding of why she acts as she does. I think I shall share it with my mother, if you don't mind, as it may spark an insight in her as well.
For now, back to browsing. Talk at you/to you later! (later being anything from really soon to a month or more later when I remember it's been a while since I was by your page and hurry over)
But for now, the anti-depressants I'm taking (at maximum dose) keep things in check as I learn how to be less angry or at least, I hope that I am.
Changes will come, change always does, but for now I am at peace and I can do a little here and there to help others as best I can.
Your work also helps people, touches them, even a small effect can start a greater change over time.
Whether or not they comment, favorite, or respond in any way, they will be a different person after reading your works.
So, thank you. In particular I thank you for 'Functional Just Dysfunctional' as it has given me a slightly clearer understanding of why she acts as she does. I think I shall share it with my mother, if you don't mind, as it may spark an insight in her as well.
For now, back to browsing. Talk at you/to you later! (later being anything from really soon to a month or more later when I remember it's been a while since I was by your page and hurry over)
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