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Well, it's been a while since I came up with anything (hectic schedule), but I have finally found the time to complete something! \(^o^)/
Now then, this poem was PURELY inspired by
nightintodream's fursona. I can get inspired by many things, and fursonas are NO exception. In fact, if I were to have a list of badass fursonas...his would definitely be in my top 5. =/
Also, though this poem was inspired by Night, it was actually written for a certain dreamer I know:
riddle_me_this. But don't get me wrong, this poem is practically for nightintodream as well (I mean c'mon...there are HORSE references in this poem)! =D
Many thanks to BOTH of you!!! =3
Well then, I hope you all enjoy this one! ^^
On an ending note:
1.) retard = a verb that means "to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
2.) The story behind this poem: Well, night is a time of dreaming, and who's to say those merry moments aren't protected by something OR someone? That protector is none other than nightintodream! This noble steed is a knight who both fosters and protects dreams. I'm pretty sure he enjoys his work! ^^
For a better view of this "Night Warrior," click here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1409418/ (this pic is ALSO the thumbnail above)
Character © nightintodream! So no takey-takey! x3
EDITED: As of 6/15/09
Now then, this poem was PURELY inspired by
nightintodream's fursona. I can get inspired by many things, and fursonas are NO exception. In fact, if I were to have a list of badass fursonas...his would definitely be in my top 5. =/Also, though this poem was inspired by Night, it was actually written for a certain dreamer I know:
riddle_me_this. But don't get me wrong, this poem is practically for nightintodream as well (I mean c'mon...there are HORSE references in this poem)! =DMany thanks to BOTH of you!!! =3
Well then, I hope you all enjoy this one! ^^
On an ending note:
1.) retard = a verb that means "to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
2.) The story behind this poem: Well, night is a time of dreaming, and who's to say those merry moments aren't protected by something OR someone? That protector is none other than
nightintodream! This noble steed is a knight who both fosters and protects dreams. I'm pretty sure he enjoys his work! ^^For a better view of this "Night Warrior," click here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1409418/ (this pic is ALSO the thumbnail above)
Character ©
nightintodream! So no takey-takey! x3EDITED: As of 6/15/09
Category Poetry / Fantasy
Species Horse
Size 80 x 120px
File Size 906 B
Staring with the "oh"s is a little grandiose, but ok.
I like "mane of sable beams," a lot, although there may be a better word choice than "brilliant" to go with it.
This line: "that beacon must not pierce this place." is the justification for the metaphor of the poem. =Awesome.
There's something about this: "deepest thoughts are purest underneath your rule" that seems cluttered and sorta... I'm not sure of it. If there were a way to express midnight mental clarity in this sort of feudal metaphor you've got going, that would be awesome. It's not bad as is, and I can't really come up with how to make it better, but I sense it could be.
I would also find a way to take out the "that's what you are," if you can. It's too conversational, and yanks this from metaphor to simile-- I think it's better as stark metaphor.
Weild also needs an object-- weilds.... what? I give this a tenative pass, because it fits so well otherwise. I dunno, knights can "Take the field," or "win the field," although that'd be hard to cram into this tetrameter.
I like the subject, it's a solid metaphor, the meter's great.
Another sense of this, maybe that's not obvious, but somebody pointed out to me, recently:
There's plenty of talk about the "black knight" in medieval and faux-medieval lit. But the real connotation of that in-period is not "evil" but that folks in black harness and black armor, rather than the high-polish all-metal plate dress armor, were guys who really were practical, experienced, adept fighters. IOW, disparaging a knight for being a "black knight" was disparaging him for being an able combatant, and not effete and fancy.
Nice work!
I like "mane of sable beams," a lot, although there may be a better word choice than "brilliant" to go with it.
This line: "that beacon must not pierce this place." is the justification for the metaphor of the poem. =Awesome.
There's something about this: "deepest thoughts are purest underneath your rule" that seems cluttered and sorta... I'm not sure of it. If there were a way to express midnight mental clarity in this sort of feudal metaphor you've got going, that would be awesome. It's not bad as is, and I can't really come up with how to make it better, but I sense it could be.
I would also find a way to take out the "that's what you are," if you can. It's too conversational, and yanks this from metaphor to simile-- I think it's better as stark metaphor.
Weild also needs an object-- weilds.... what? I give this a tenative pass, because it fits so well otherwise. I dunno, knights can "Take the field," or "win the field," although that'd be hard to cram into this tetrameter.
I like the subject, it's a solid metaphor, the meter's great.
Another sense of this, maybe that's not obvious, but somebody pointed out to me, recently:
There's plenty of talk about the "black knight" in medieval and faux-medieval lit. But the real connotation of that in-period is not "evil" but that folks in black harness and black armor, rather than the high-polish all-metal plate dress armor, were guys who really were practical, experienced, adept fighters. IOW, disparaging a knight for being a "black knight" was disparaging him for being an able combatant, and not effete and fancy.
Nice work!
YAY, comments! \(^o^)/
Let's see:
1.) "brilliant," yeah, you may be right about this one. I was TRYING real hard to choose a good descriptive word. I...wasn't really sure which one to pick. I certainly had a LOT of options that fit well with the meter, just couldn't decided really. Any suggestions? =P (LUSTROUS) ???
2.) I'm glad you liked "that beacon must not pierce this place." Also, you nailed its significance; the (k)night is keeping the morning sun at bay, while the children sleep! x3
3.) As for the "deepest thoughts..." I always kinda hate it when I want to express a CERTAIN concept that doesn't seem like it can be described like my other lines. The way it is now, it CLEARLY expresses what I want, it's just not as beautiful a line as my others. ^^
4.) "that's what you are" I SUPPOSE I see what you mean. I guess the issue must be that it's a line that all of a sudden CALLS upon the presence of the knight, talking to him directly (save the last stanza...that AIN'T changing). ^^
5.) Heh, yeah, I guess wield DOES kinda need an object, but NO WORRIES! I now know how to change it; I'll kill two birds with ONE poetic stone! (you'll see) x3
I REALLY appreciate the feedback Furth! You're very analytical and say what you want without hesitation. It's a very constructive quality. If anything, it's helping me become a better poet; that, and it's just making my poems more AWEsome!! \(^o^)/
Thanks again! (^___^)
Let's see:
1.) "brilliant," yeah, you may be right about this one. I was TRYING real hard to choose a good descriptive word. I...wasn't really sure which one to pick. I certainly had a LOT of options that fit well with the meter, just couldn't decided really. Any suggestions? =P (LUSTROUS) ???
2.) I'm glad you liked "that beacon must not pierce this place." Also, you nailed its significance; the (k)night is keeping the morning sun at bay, while the children sleep! x3
3.) As for the "deepest thoughts..." I always kinda hate it when I want to express a CERTAIN concept that doesn't seem like it can be described like my other lines. The way it is now, it CLEARLY expresses what I want, it's just not as beautiful a line as my others. ^^
4.) "that's what you are" I SUPPOSE I see what you mean. I guess the issue must be that it's a line that all of a sudden CALLS upon the presence of the knight, talking to him directly (save the last stanza...that AIN'T changing). ^^
5.) Heh, yeah, I guess wield DOES kinda need an object, but NO WORRIES! I now know how to change it; I'll kill two birds with ONE poetic stone! (you'll see) x3
I REALLY appreciate the feedback Furth! You're very analytical and say what you want without hesitation. It's a very constructive quality. If anything, it's helping me become a better poet; that, and it's just making my poems more AWEsome!! \(^o^)/
Thanks again! (^___^)
Hehe, thanks! =3
I'll be sure to tell him to stop by! =P
...OR, you could just ask him yourself! --> nightintodream lol
I'll be sure to tell him to stop by! =P
...OR, you could just ask him yourself! -->
nightintodream lol 
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