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Hello dearest reader, as I promised on the first page of my “true self” comic, I’ll be sharing some bits of my life story with you and we shall begin with my a few word about my childhood.
I’m the first born child of my parents, a shy, fat and sort of a coward boy that hates loud sounds and speaks softly and enjoyed nothing more than watching anime on T.V. A stark contrast with my family, who are mostly extroverts and generally outgoing people, that enjoy partying and face life’s challenges head on, atop of which stands my younger sister, the true gem of the house and someone we all love.
Since spending time with my family usually involved many uncomfortable situations I came to resent them, I convinced myself I hated them all for not understanding that I was not enjoying myself and forcing me to endure what they enjoyed so much. I became rude to them and avoided them even more, isolating myself and being generally miserable.
Finally, my sexuality was also not something my parents were happy about; my father was the first one to have “the talk” with me and was very clear when he said that watching naked men on the internet was wrong and that if they were women he would understand. Despite his best attempts, the message I received was “being gay is not acceptable” and in the years to come I would continue to receive cues that this was undesirable in the family.
When I decided to talk about this subject I noticed a curious connection between the problems that plagued my childhood and the T.V. characters I bonded with; the most important of which I’ve arranged on this image.
Naraku from InuYasha was clearly not the strongest villain of the series, but he was the most cunning, lying and cheating, sowing distrust and being a manipulative bastard, he compensated for his lack of physical prowess with intellect (and that was something I could relate to).
Haku from Naruto had a truly sad outlook on his life. He saw himself as a tool, and his right to exist and live was bound to how useful he proved himself to be; an attitude I also had all throughout my teenage years.
My parents said many times that the only reason they care for an annoying child like myself was because we were blood related, this made me feel like the people around me didn’t really liked me, they were there not because of me but because they had no option but to be there.
In my mind I had friends because they were trapped in the same classroom as me and I was convenient to get good grades at school, so I made and effort to be a good student people would seek the help of and thus avoid being left alone.
However, I had many things hidden from everyone, my repressed sexual desires and the hatred I felt towards my parents were things I could not let anybody see, and the result was a very plain, generic “mask”, like that of a “Gillian” from bleach. Masked creatures, of which there are countless quantities and who are undistinguishable from one another.
Last, but not least, Bakura from Yugioh!, never would I root for a villain like I did with this guy, and never would I identify with one like I did with him. Bakura was a plain, but sweet, guy from the series that was possessed by an evil spirit, and no matter how many times the spirit was defeated of expelled from his body, the moment Bakura was left alone his eyes would show that nothing had changed.
That spirit was resilient and knew how to hide himself, showing a sweet face to others until he tried to stab them in the back. In a similar, less murderous, way I too learned how to hide my perversions until left alone, while putting a facade in front of others, showing I had been purified while remaining dark inside.
For many years I identified with characters like this: deceivers, liars, masked traitors. Because I felt like one, and suffered when they were defeated because if they failed with all their supernatural powers, what could await someone like me. How could I destroy a world that had made me suffer so much when not even demons and spirits could?
Later on in life I would find an answer but I’ll leave that story for the next image.
Hello dearest reader, as I promised on the first page of my “true self” comic, I’ll be sharing some bits of my life story with you and we shall begin with my a few word about my childhood.
I’m the first born child of my parents, a shy, fat and sort of a coward boy that hates loud sounds and speaks softly and enjoyed nothing more than watching anime on T.V. A stark contrast with my family, who are mostly extroverts and generally outgoing people, that enjoy partying and face life’s challenges head on, atop of which stands my younger sister, the true gem of the house and someone we all love.
Since spending time with my family usually involved many uncomfortable situations I came to resent them, I convinced myself I hated them all for not understanding that I was not enjoying myself and forcing me to endure what they enjoyed so much. I became rude to them and avoided them even more, isolating myself and being generally miserable.
Finally, my sexuality was also not something my parents were happy about; my father was the first one to have “the talk” with me and was very clear when he said that watching naked men on the internet was wrong and that if they were women he would understand. Despite his best attempts, the message I received was “being gay is not acceptable” and in the years to come I would continue to receive cues that this was undesirable in the family.
When I decided to talk about this subject I noticed a curious connection between the problems that plagued my childhood and the T.V. characters I bonded with; the most important of which I’ve arranged on this image.
Naraku from InuYasha was clearly not the strongest villain of the series, but he was the most cunning, lying and cheating, sowing distrust and being a manipulative bastard, he compensated for his lack of physical prowess with intellect (and that was something I could relate to).
Haku from Naruto had a truly sad outlook on his life. He saw himself as a tool, and his right to exist and live was bound to how useful he proved himself to be; an attitude I also had all throughout my teenage years.
My parents said many times that the only reason they care for an annoying child like myself was because we were blood related, this made me feel like the people around me didn’t really liked me, they were there not because of me but because they had no option but to be there.
In my mind I had friends because they were trapped in the same classroom as me and I was convenient to get good grades at school, so I made and effort to be a good student people would seek the help of and thus avoid being left alone.
However, I had many things hidden from everyone, my repressed sexual desires and the hatred I felt towards my parents were things I could not let anybody see, and the result was a very plain, generic “mask”, like that of a “Gillian” from bleach. Masked creatures, of which there are countless quantities and who are undistinguishable from one another.
Last, but not least, Bakura from Yugioh!, never would I root for a villain like I did with this guy, and never would I identify with one like I did with him. Bakura was a plain, but sweet, guy from the series that was possessed by an evil spirit, and no matter how many times the spirit was defeated of expelled from his body, the moment Bakura was left alone his eyes would show that nothing had changed.
That spirit was resilient and knew how to hide himself, showing a sweet face to others until he tried to stab them in the back. In a similar, less murderous, way I too learned how to hide my perversions until left alone, while putting a facade in front of others, showing I had been purified while remaining dark inside.
For many years I identified with characters like this: deceivers, liars, masked traitors. Because I felt like one, and suffered when they were defeated because if they failed with all their supernatural powers, what could await someone like me. How could I destroy a world that had made me suffer so much when not even demons and spirits could?
Later on in life I would find an answer but I’ll leave that story for the next image.
Artist 
bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/subariel13.bsky.social
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Category All / Fanart
Species Cervine (Other)
Size 674 x 975px
File Size 445.7 kB
Listed in Folders
Its so hard. People can be unacceptable, even with families, in which was planned when nobody knows till the last minute. There's some things that upset me, wish I could take on the world, but on my second thoughts, society is already destroyed by some force that's about to happen.
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