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“Enemies are people whose story you haven't heard, or whose face you haven't seen.”
― Irene Butter

Hello dear reader, thank you for giving me a momento of your time as i continue to tell my tale.

Now, as you might remember, during my childhood and teenage I saw the world as a place where people didn’t really wanted to be around me, and those who did, only did to for convenience, even my friends.

In my mind I was a tool and if I was to live the life of a tool then I would at least choose who would use me, my friends where my first “owners” but when I went to college those ties broke quite fast.

My first year was very sad, I had been “abandoned” by my friends who not only went to different colleges, some even left the country. In the end I took that as a sign that I had not been useful enough for them to consider staying, the feeling festered withing me and sprouted as a renewed desire to cause great pain to others.

The faceless masses, the crowds, I hated “humanity” and wanted to kill as many humans as I could, but I lacked power.

This is the point in my story when I have to choose what to study. And so I chose engineering. I was to be a real version of Dr. Eggman, and build an army of killer robots, a blindly loyal army that would never leave my side and that would provide the firepower I needed to really fill the world with misery (quite the foolish dream for a 17 yo male).

As you might be able to deduce, that drive didn’t last long, but not because of the unrealistic nature of the goal, it had more to do with the fact that my world view was shattered; around my second year in college I met some people from the anime community, and within them I met who is today my dearest friend.

He was someone who had no reason to be with me, nor seek my company, and yet he did, even after the group dissolved bue to internal bickering, he still called me and wanted to hang out.

But I was scared, I thought that without something to bind us (like a community or a classroom), he would eventually leave me alone, so I started pushing him away, hoping to mitigate the pain of the “inevitable” separation.

I was rude with him… did and said things I’m not proud of… but he never left, if anything we became close. So close that he was the first person I even told of my sexual orientation.

My greatest shame, my biggest sin, meant nothing to him and because of him I felt accepted for the first time in my life. I had finally found someone who genuinely wanted to be with me, the real me rather that the shell I had built for everyone else.

His friendship healed me over the years, and now I don’t hide any more, I even introduce myself as a gay person if the setting allows it, which means I now have many more friends that I feel accepted by, people I know care for me and whom I care for.

I had made the whole world my enemy because rather than listening to them and sharing with them I was too busy telling myself that my story would not be acceptable. But now that my story was known, i finally felt like I was part of the world, and I wanted nothing more than to know the stories, and see the faces, of those who had listened and welcomed me in their lives.

I could no longer root for the bad guys, and this never became more apparent than with the villains that always seemed to win, the very characters I would have loved a few years back, were now thorns stabbing my heart, I knew these where the people I should be loving, but I was disgusted to my core by them.

When Orochimaru from Naruto came out I was still in a dark place, but as time passed he showed his true colors, betraying everyone, even those who truly looked up to him and revered him, for the sake of his immortality; now that I had discovered what a real bond with someone felt like I could not bear the thought of betrayal, not any more.

Then there were the Millennium Earl from D.Gray-Man, and Crocodile from One Piece, despicable characters that always have an ace up their sleeve, the have the odds on their side and plans within plans to achieve ultimate victory, not only killing everyone but doing so in the most painful, heart breaking, possible way.

These two were too much for me, I was horrified by their actions and those of their minions, as long as they were on screen, victory could only be attained in the last episode, never sooner.