SO, I feel like such a doofus... Apparently my "technical problems" were due to the fact that earlier I had been working on business cards with my measurement settings set to MM (Millimeters) instead of Px (pixels).

Because of this every document after that I made was roughly 5-6x the size it should be, which explains the huge slowdown I was having.

I am the biggest idiot ever.

I guess the upside is all those scans and file cleanups probably helped my computer a little bit overall...