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do you know how long a year is? 52 weeks, 365 days, countless hours, ticking seconds, just rhythm to a clock.
it's been four. and some things never change. sometimes, i can still smell you on a passing stranger, hear your voice through the loudspeaker in a small outlet store. i swear its you, i swear its you no matter how many times i've moved, how many miles i've put between us. no matter what scenery, what zip code i fall under, i can feel you lingering like the warmth of a california summer day, even as it falls to the inky darkness of night.
it never gets better, not for me. time and space have reduced the wailing siren to a quiet drone, but they haven't silenced it. if you find all the pieces of a shattered mirror, you can put it all together, but the cracks remain, reaching out from the point of impact like spindly spider legs.
and that's what i feel like, most days. a broken mirror. a reflection of myself, recognizable at least, but fragmented and jagged, as uneven as the sierra nevadas against the falling orange sunset. you broke the mirror, that's putting it lightly. you broke the mirror and you mourned the loss of our time together but you never mourned the loss of me, the person who could not rid themselves of the ever-pervasive cracks.
now every time any of my relationships fail i can draw a direct line to you, to how terrified you've made me to care about someone, how terrified you've made me to express sadness, or anger. how terrified you've made me to express happiness, even, because expressing happiness gave you the opportunity to control me, to strip me of what brought me catharsis. sometimes, i feel like every move i make is like a carefully laid chess game, and i'm sitting behind the fold-out plastic table, pushing pawns forward on the checkered board, wishing i could pull them back.
i never move the queen. maybe it's time i do.
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Canine (Other)
Size 447 x 756px
File Size 504.3 kB
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