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Wow.
Just...Wow.
No, Really take a minute....
Okay we're ready.
I dug out my archive I have kept through the past five years. There are a lot more drawings out of frame and under the piles; these arent including ones from sketchbooks. These are drawings, sketches, doodles on homework, or just beautiful things I have made. Get ready for my life story.
I remember the first year, I was so innocent. Maybe a better word is Humble. It started when My oldest brother Seth started watching My Little Pony. Seth was my idol, and the show was so pretty and charming I was instantly hooked. Nearing the end of that year I decided I wanted to draw ponies. drawing was'nt a new thing for me then; Practically my whole family drew. I drew cute stuff, like heros and bad guys all in the little story in our heads. But I fell in love with these characters on MLP and I wanted to prove it.
The sencond year middle school was starting to rev up and life became harder. Drawing was one of my excapes, as I had a few outlets. My first encounters with the Pony Fandom were from a website a friend showed me called Equestria Daily. Ponies and bronies and fandoms and internets were all so new to me, it came as a rush and everything was confusing and jumbled. All I remember I knew for sure was that I liked ponies. So I tried to socialize with bronies in secret beacause I was very secretive back then. I socialized with friends as much as I could. But I Still wanted some sort of approval. Through Equestria Daily I found deviantART and that's when things got interesting for me.
The year had rounded up, I have friends, I understand internet and social media, I'm doing adequite in school, and I love drawing ponies more than ever. My world seemed blissful.
Now unfortuneately, My touch with reality had become increasingly unstable. Since a yound age I was diagnosed with ADHD and my mother and stepdad held on to that diagnoses. The misdiagnoses of my bi-polar disorder that led to a mental degradation and maturity. I was treated for ADHD for 7 years. That did not help me. It made it worse.
Back to my story. This year seemed like one of the best to me. the whole year blurs together but I remember being so proud of my art and wanting to show it to everyone. I was humble as heck though. I knew how good I was and wasn't and everything flowed nicely. I was very creative this time period and I made a wide variety of art. Those times were pleasant it seemed. I was posting all my art on deviantART and made friends there and thought I learnt so much.
I really do miss being so proud of what I did, It is not the same anymore. My works' qualities and techniques had vastly improved since then, but the spirit is not the same
I had thought all those things. But my world around me was growing more dysfunctional and chaotic. My outbursts were worse, I started thinking terrible thoughts some days. depression was settling. And I simutaniously felt optimistic and I still loved art. I stopped watching MLP and because more character focused in art. and more art focused in life.
Over the fisrt summer before high school my four parents decided I with my input to move me from my mother's and stepdad's immediate custody and live with my dad and stepmom. This was the worst year
2014 left a lot to be desired. Actually, it left a lot to be rebuilt. My life was as fragile as ever that year when domestic relationships got bad. I focused on art. I focused on deviantART. I just wanted to be left alone do draw. It was also then that after losing pretty much all of my other outlets I had something to look towards. I had discovered music. And yet, the year was irredeemable, bringing terrible mood swings, I started cutting, running away and having police, my mother's house our family lived in for eight/nine years burned down, puberty, losing all my friends from my old school when I moved to Washington making new friends,and losing them too. What seemed like the worst of it when a close friend from deviantART blocked me. I drew some ponies.... sad ones mostly. but it felt like i was losing my ability to connect with the art community I fell in love with...
Soon after the beggining of my first school year when it was clear how damaging he was for my parents to live together, My parents broke up. My stepmom and dad separated.
I am now my Stepmom's only child
Over the summer things took an odd path; It became clear how much I did not need my father. How bad it affected me. With him gone and living in a calmer, more predictable and sensible establishment my life really turned around. Throughout the school year I was drawing again. I was drawing and that was important. This was the years I truly knew where I was in the words. I learned I could perceive and interperet life. I was finding myself and learned so much. I knew for the first time that I really have values and that I knew what they were. Me and my stepmom grew a strong relationship. Things made sense And I had hope. During the schoolyear sophomore year, I engaged with furaffinity. I realized there was a community here (not my first experience with furries, but that is another story) My interest quickly piqued and was pleasantly surprised at every turn of this cool new thing in my life. Like, who needs deviantART anyway? This played a role in me arting better than ever and the rest of the schoolyear was an exciting blur. Springtime I really really really honed on on knowing what I liked, in music, art, and life. the year was experimental and product to summerize the movement of my art.
Last summer had its ups and down. More memorable for me are the downs...
I had summer school that stressed my out. I was very stressed in life last year because thing were moving so quickly. But I suffered the past couple of months and around the end of the first month of summer I attempted suicide by insulin overdose. I do not like talking about it so don't bring it up. The next month or so I stayed as an in patient in a children/young adult's hospital. The rest of the summer and to this day I have been building trust from my family and caretakers that I can be safe. I go to therapy regularly. And as far as things are, I am not worried about self harm in the future. I love my life and (most) people in it.
—WHICH hopefully is a good way to bring this full circle and to finally explain the image. I am only sharing these things.... the only reason at all is because of all my drawings I kept. even the terrible ones. they're all pinpoints of my life and many reflect it. Going through and organizing, I am so glad I kept all this. I implore all artists to have an archive of all your work. Especially traditional artists.
This is history~
Just...Wow.
No, Really take a minute....
Okay we're ready.
I dug out my archive I have kept through the past five years. There are a lot more drawings out of frame and under the piles; these arent including ones from sketchbooks. These are drawings, sketches, doodles on homework, or just beautiful things I have made. Get ready for my life story.
I remember the first year, I was so innocent. Maybe a better word is Humble. It started when My oldest brother Seth started watching My Little Pony. Seth was my idol, and the show was so pretty and charming I was instantly hooked. Nearing the end of that year I decided I wanted to draw ponies. drawing was'nt a new thing for me then; Practically my whole family drew. I drew cute stuff, like heros and bad guys all in the little story in our heads. But I fell in love with these characters on MLP and I wanted to prove it.
The sencond year middle school was starting to rev up and life became harder. Drawing was one of my excapes, as I had a few outlets. My first encounters with the Pony Fandom were from a website a friend showed me called Equestria Daily. Ponies and bronies and fandoms and internets were all so new to me, it came as a rush and everything was confusing and jumbled. All I remember I knew for sure was that I liked ponies. So I tried to socialize with bronies in secret beacause I was very secretive back then. I socialized with friends as much as I could. But I Still wanted some sort of approval. Through Equestria Daily I found deviantART and that's when things got interesting for me.
The year had rounded up, I have friends, I understand internet and social media, I'm doing adequite in school, and I love drawing ponies more than ever. My world seemed blissful.
Now unfortuneately, My touch with reality had become increasingly unstable. Since a yound age I was diagnosed with ADHD and my mother and stepdad held on to that diagnoses. The misdiagnoses of my bi-polar disorder that led to a mental degradation and maturity. I was treated for ADHD for 7 years. That did not help me. It made it worse.
Back to my story. This year seemed like one of the best to me. the whole year blurs together but I remember being so proud of my art and wanting to show it to everyone. I was humble as heck though. I knew how good I was and wasn't and everything flowed nicely. I was very creative this time period and I made a wide variety of art. Those times were pleasant it seemed. I was posting all my art on deviantART and made friends there and thought I learnt so much.
I really do miss being so proud of what I did, It is not the same anymore. My works' qualities and techniques had vastly improved since then, but the spirit is not the same
I had thought all those things. But my world around me was growing more dysfunctional and chaotic. My outbursts were worse, I started thinking terrible thoughts some days. depression was settling. And I simutaniously felt optimistic and I still loved art. I stopped watching MLP and because more character focused in art. and more art focused in life.
Over the fisrt summer before high school my four parents decided I with my input to move me from my mother's and stepdad's immediate custody and live with my dad and stepmom. This was the worst year
2014 left a lot to be desired. Actually, it left a lot to be rebuilt. My life was as fragile as ever that year when domestic relationships got bad. I focused on art. I focused on deviantART. I just wanted to be left alone do draw. It was also then that after losing pretty much all of my other outlets I had something to look towards. I had discovered music. And yet, the year was irredeemable, bringing terrible mood swings, I started cutting, running away and having police, my mother's house our family lived in for eight/nine years burned down, puberty, losing all my friends from my old school when I moved to Washington making new friends,and losing them too. What seemed like the worst of it when a close friend from deviantART blocked me. I drew some ponies.... sad ones mostly. but it felt like i was losing my ability to connect with the art community I fell in love with...
Soon after the beggining of my first school year when it was clear how damaging he was for my parents to live together, My parents broke up. My stepmom and dad separated.
I am now my Stepmom's only child
Over the summer things took an odd path; It became clear how much I did not need my father. How bad it affected me. With him gone and living in a calmer, more predictable and sensible establishment my life really turned around. Throughout the school year I was drawing again. I was drawing and that was important. This was the years I truly knew where I was in the words. I learned I could perceive and interperet life. I was finding myself and learned so much. I knew for the first time that I really have values and that I knew what they were. Me and my stepmom grew a strong relationship. Things made sense And I had hope. During the schoolyear sophomore year, I engaged with furaffinity. I realized there was a community here (not my first experience with furries, but that is another story) My interest quickly piqued and was pleasantly surprised at every turn of this cool new thing in my life. Like, who needs deviantART anyway? This played a role in me arting better than ever and the rest of the schoolyear was an exciting blur. Springtime I really really really honed on on knowing what I liked, in music, art, and life. the year was experimental and product to summerize the movement of my art.
so things were getting better?Last summer had its ups and down. More memorable for me are the downs...
I had summer school that stressed my out. I was very stressed in life last year because thing were moving so quickly. But I suffered the past couple of months and around the end of the first month of summer I attempted suicide by insulin overdose. I do not like talking about it so don't bring it up. The next month or so I stayed as an in patient in a children/young adult's hospital. The rest of the summer and to this day I have been building trust from my family and caretakers that I can be safe. I go to therapy regularly. And as far as things are, I am not worried about self harm in the future. I love my life and (most) people in it.
—WHICH hopefully is a good way to bring this full circle and to finally explain the image. I am only sharing these things.... the only reason at all is because of all my drawings I kept. even the terrible ones. they're all pinpoints of my life and many reflect it. Going through and organizing, I am so glad I kept all this. I implore all artists to have an archive of all your work. Especially traditional artists.
This is history~
Category Crafting / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 889px
File Size 280.6 kB
Oh my.. Gosh.. Y-your story brought me to tears.. You have been through so much.. Yet.. You.. You are so, how do I put this.. You are an amazing person. No matter what happens in life always remember that. I could write one of these too. I recently found my old art and old fursonas. But this.. Wow. Such an amazing writer and you express so much emotion. Truely beautiful.
❤️
❤️
That... was a rather beautiful story... its amazing to see how art plays a role in ones passionate life, and its even more amazing to see you love your work and the artist and person you are. All of that passion, to see your perception evolve and learn no things to life. Its amazing. This is through and through the story of an artist
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