I know that feeling all too well, especially if you are going through it alone :(
Even though I am a stranger I do wish you the best in a dark time such as what you are going through

Hang in there, it will pass.

Storms have to end eventually. And aye, for some people it may come back again. And some it will always come back.

Regardless how many times you face it; whether it be once or a million times episodic/chronic. You learn something new about yourself and the world each time. You'll see things happy people don't. Some things might not be great to be aware of, but sometimes that mental weight helps to focus on things that can be a learning experience. Doesn't feel good, and you may not even know it yet. But you'll turn out more wise each time, even if once. I dunno how often you have depression, so I can't say exactly. But is a general idea~ Regardless no matter how long it lasts you learn.