So, i know this isn't very good, and i haven't wrote poetry in so long...
I wrote this late last night, or, well early this morning when i couldn't sleep, it's i guess you could say a story, my story...

As always, the piece is in the description as well.

---

I hide a lot, this is how i grew
I am me, this is all i knew
How i was raised and how i live
It’s merely in my nature to give
Except for myself, to that i take
My life, my love, my identity did shake
As my entire world it did quake
Until it was myself or my love that did break

I wanted affection, i wanted love
I thought i would receive it from some lord above
But all of that knowledge it did rot
The very knowledge of who i am it would blot
I tried to find my purpose in a book
I tried to find meaning, everywhere i would look
And yet my reality crumbled and shook
When all i could do was struggle on the hook

You see i had never been taught
That belief and study and faith had all been for naught.
Because i was not who my predecessors wanted
And of my teachings i wish i had absconded
For all i knew was pain, and shame
And i had been taught it was my own greed to blame
Greed to seek out to set my heart aflame
That love was the greatest sin, i had not overcame

So, for years, i made a deal
Because i thought it was my feelings i could seal
That this or that thought could not have been gay
Because “if they were a girl…” meant i didn’t like them “that way”
Oh how i tried and failed, courting week after week
Thinking “everyone must feel this way, it’s not always this bleak”
My real feelings i dare not speak
Because i was too fearful and meak

When i admit it to myself then it becomes real.
That was an unexpected reveal
A friend came out, and more than just one question
Because this is a person who will not shun
Such a silly idea, because everyone is different
When he found out, he did not believe it an affront
So i was left questioning, justifying myself to this figment
Left to myself, and once again my own judgement

So in secret i sought out those whom i thought were the same.
And with each individual talk, the realization came
That in truth, i was indeed not like the others
I thank all who helped, they are my brothers
I learned that to many, i was an abomination
That to my loved ones i was an abomination
That to the church i grew up in, i was an abomination
That to my family, i was an abomination

Through this i learned what love really meant
And through trial and self hate i started my assent
I knew i had been lied to, there was no other way
That with those who hate, i cannot stay
Because love clouded with hate, is an abomination
Your family turning against you, is an abomination
Being told “you can have those feelings, as long as you don’t act” is an abomination
That being afraid of who you really are, is an abomination.