Wow. Nice ending point. and the bloody description was good too (though im squeamish and nearly threw up). you did better with spelling on this one, but it was choppy in spots. don't be afraid to go into detail, every little bit helps during a potentially confusing scene.

Yeah, I learned a bit on this one. "Fighting" scenes are certainly something I rarely do. I improved a bit further along, Note: Rains of Guidance. Though I'm not completely happy without how that scene turned out either. There's a good chance when I'm done typing it all up, I'll revise, edit and add additional bits of information to the story. I might even post it as a whole, if it doesn't exceed any limitations.

Ah well, take it easy :3

yeah, by far, fighting scenes are the hardest things to write ever. it makes me very much :( to think about it, and I'm dreading it, seeing as there is going to be fighting somewhere in the 5th chapter (or later). but without it, i wouldn't have a story. or a game to base it off of. I'm actually making a game, but only the concept is actually finalized. no details, some characters, and lots of debate is going on between me and my co-designers (or friends, XD), but It's going somewhere. it is my dream.