Hey guys.

First of all thank you so much to all of you who follow me, you all are stunning and wonderful people.


A lot has happened in these last few months that I figure I kinda owe you all an explanation for... I thought I would be brief and just go "family shit" but with how flaky I have been I feel like I owe you all explanations.




So on the brighter side my boyfriend asked me to marry him a month ago or so. He is wonderful and supports in such wonderful ways, he really means the world to me. This is true and nothing that I am about to state has changed how I feel for him.





After the engagement the politest way I can put it was his side of the family was over zealous with their excitement. We were asked immediately when the wedding was and quite simply we didn't have a date, we wanted to wait until we were financially both stable to have anything start. This was quickly thrown out because they decided to tell us that we would have no support from them to move out together unless the deed was officially done. Coming from a strongly religious family we knew this wouldn't be bent at all, especially with my fiance finishing school _{[Only about 2.5 left~]}. We understood and were willing to just go get a quickly courthouse wedding so the formality was there for them because we wanted to respect their wishes so he could finish school without any debt racked up.

However we were told that was selfish and we were not allowed to at the cost of their feelings. So we caved. We said whatever. Now there is this wedding being randomly planned, inviting a bunch of people who aren't even that close to us... even some that we wouldn't consider friends. But you know what.. it fine.. we weren't getting what we wanted so we would just get this done to make sure no one is bothered...

However the constant pressure of making a date was being crammed down our throats and then being told that they cannot sell their house they have been looking to sell until we were moved out. Feeling more guilt we finally said next year possibly summer or fall. Later I realized with my job summer was a bad idea with my work_{[vacation nanny]}, I make all my money in the summer so we chose to move it to the fall. The season is lovely and I was eager for this until I was told that I couldn't have that either because it would be too late and hard to accommodate all of the guests that would come.

So again we bend over and just let them change the date to May.




I am trying my best not to complain all the while because I know for my fiance and I to be in a place where we could be COMPLETELY independent from everyone he would need to finish his school. We won't need to take out a loan for a house for the area we were looking at so things would just be all in the green.

However it just keeps getting worse. We were talking on the subjects of names and I did disclose I preferred my name over his and he said that he was not used to the idea but didn't mind the idea of my last name being the one we share. We told his mother about the fact we might take my name and she praised her son for being so forward thinking and progressive. However his father felt rejected and honestly terribly hurt more than anything. So a few days later they tried guilt tripping my fiance by telling him people would treat him weird and he would have to constantly explain to others why he chose my name instead. When that didn't really change his thinking they confronted me. I said that we were both okay with my name and didn't mind having to explain things suddenly got twisted. His mother stood up and told me that most likely half the family would not come to the wedding and I may be asked to move out and leave. I was shocked as she walked away and slammed her door closed.

Kinda lost I sat down and started texting my mother to explain things and search for guidance only for the mother to come back out and tell me suddenly she was just going to buy me a ticket to leave. I was called divisive, told I was just doing this to hurt her husband maliciously, and then told that I was tearing her family apart. After yelling at me I told her we would just take his name and she just nodded and left.

I broke down, the second I saw my fiance come home I ran to him crying and begging that we just need to take his name. I couldn't take anymore. We sat in the back of the car sobbing together and talking about things... After what I told my mother, closest friends, and him.. we decided its best I leave until he transfers and has an apartment.




This has all been boiling down the past month or so and I realized that all of this stress has brought me back into a deep depression along with my physical health plummeting... I am almost constantly sick since all this marriage talk has happened.

When we told his family his mother came to me and asked me not to leave, apologizing and such.. but I cannot keep doing it. This was the third time she made me feel like utter scum and that I was the bane of this family.

So I am leaving in a week from my fiances home back to my parents until he moves out _{[4-6 months from now so not long]}, this has already been okayed by all the parties involved... its hard but my fiance is breaking down seeing how quickly I was deteriorating from the treatment.

I am so thankful he is willing to give me the chance to get out and get better and I look forward to being by his side again, but it is still really tough.


Sooo that is my whole story... shit got... really fucked and tense. I am probably gonna take a few days to spend with him before I leave and then return to doing work. I am already feeling a tad better knowing I will be out of this environment and grateful for you all for being so patient with me.

Again. Thank you.