It is an odd thing,

This thing we call "feelings". In the culture in which I live, as a male, as the eldest sibling, as a military officer, I am expected to hide these feelings, to outright suppress them. Yet for all those attempts to do just that, it all still burns ardently inside, raging against the facade I put out in person often times, longing to let either people know that "I care," or on conversely, to be told "you matter".

Much of what I write and commission is often a reflection of these yearnings, of individual pains suffered in life, whether it be directly based on events that have happened in my life, or what has happened to others that I've been moved by, stories such as:
My inability to stop all the suffering that exists out there: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19634664/
My responsibility to notify and assist a family who lost that which was most precious to them: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20341222/
The contempt and outright hostility I faced when trying to get into my profession: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21104273/
And my failure from keeping a colleague and a friend from taking his own life: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20468716/

Nevertheless, I press on, staying true to the expectation in person to remain the stoic beacon of serenity that those around me desire me, perhaps even need me to be. Perhaps my ability to maintain that presence of mind, to be an anchor for those whom I am responsible for in real life will be of use, and make at least some small impact in this life. And perhaps even the commissions and writing that I often use as an outlet, to help prevent this things that I hide and suppress, will be of help to others in their own pain. I don't know, nevertheless, I choose to be optimistic about it.

At the very least, the deeper pieces allow me a place which I can fight and keep the inner demons at bay, lest they should suffocate and destroy me, as they have others whom utterly refused to let any of it out.

The beautifully symbolic piece is by  Koul who has such an ability to strike the right note in the compositions she creates.

V/R,
Cap Mag.