Good job! I enjoyed reading this a lot.

Thanks for taking the time to do, and glad you liked the story. :)

A lot of depth and open questions here - I could definitely see this going somewhere in the future. Also, I like the contrast between the character species as it relates to the hierarchy of the food-chain - I think it's a good device to subconsciously illustrate the social differences between the characters without requiring the reader to learn all the unique terminology you use.

Glad you enjoyed reading it. :) As to the food chain though, there isn't one, nor is there relation to social status. That's why the kids who ended up getting the Briar pair in trouble were such a mixed bag. The Houses are made up of several species - but I didn't really get the chance to illustrate that here. Perhaps if I revisit this little world, I'll be able to clear that up. Thanks for the comment!

Aye, I did notice that - but more because of the contrast between the Hyena and the Deer. But whether or not it was intentional, I still think it's a good device: If you isolate the lion and the deer, our natural tenancy is to view the lion as the "higher" species... Because in the real world, it would eat the deer :D

Perhaps, but the fact that the lion is a lowly baker, even if doing well, doesn't speak so much to species decreeing station. And the whole thing about predator/prey... eh. I've never bought it. But in any case, that impression would go right out the window if I ended up taking this story forward.

...and just because I'm afraid I tend to come across as curt, this doesn't mean I don't value that you shared your impression. It lets me see what I may have accidently done in the writing that I hadn't meant to, which is what comments are all about. Even if I disagree, or hadn't intended it, knowing how someone else percieved it is invaluable. I just also tend to try and explain how I intended it, as well. Just so's you know I'm really not trying to jump down your throat. :)

Ha ha, no problem man :) It's just all those years of over-analyzing that were pounded into my head in HS English talking... I swear I could probably argue some kind of meaning in the word "the" if I really had to... Sometimes I wonder what some of the authors who's writing gets so worked over would think if they saw the analysis people come up with.

I enjoyed the story. It definitely seems like the start of a longer piece. Also, I didn't get what Saluqi did because you described the other "Flowers" as a variety of different species (I remember a fox, a horse and a deer.)

Although Arbol came off as a fairly two dimensional cowering sidekick type, your other characters were all interesting and fairly complex.

Shamir did a good job of being complex and sympathetic, and I'm not a fan of the "spunky street urchin" trope. You could tell there was more to her than that.

Even the shopkeeper wasn't just mean for meanness's sake. He seemed older and crotchety, which is probably why that asshole fox tricked her into coming into that particular store in the first place.

One grammar point: The world "folk" is actually a plural form, so referring just to the shopkeeper as "lionfolk" isn't correct. The singular is "fellow" in case you are interested.

I understand that the real reason you used it is because furry indirect pronouns can be a pain if you are trying to avoid the 'human' ones, but honestly, there really isn't an elegant way to get around it.

Anyway, I enjoyed the story and would certainly be interested in reading more.

Yes, in retrospect, Arbol wasn't given nearly enough personality. I think I had it in the back of my mind to give him more of a chance to shine as an individual "later", which of course, never came. If I do end up developing this more, I'll have to be sure to do so.

I'm glad I wasn't too heavyhanded with either well-worn character type -- that's exactly the way I was trying to show the shopkeeper.

Thanks for the correction! Man, have I used that in error far too much, then. I'll fix that.

Thank you very much for the in-depth commentary.

I think this was very enjoyable. I was a little confused as to what character was who at the beginning, but once the story got going, everything worked itself out. You put a lot of depth and history into a short piece.

With short works, I try to immerse the reader as much as I can -- I always worry about flooding with too much info, but I'm glad this seemed to work out a little better than usual. Where in particular was it confusing in the beginning?

I believe it was the adolescents in the bakery that threw me. When your two main characters first come in, I thought the adolescents came in with them. And I was wondering, how many of them are there and why are there so many? I think the reason you added them was the humiliation factor, but I thought that came across well enough with just the baker, so the group of adolescents seemed unnecessary. Nothing big, and it only threw me off in the beginning.

Hmm. I had them in there because they were the ones who tricked the two Briars into going into the shop - there's no way they'd've gone in otherwise. I may need to add a small scene of them talking beforehand to clarify that. Thanks!

Very nice. I liked this. You build a world of your own in this story. So many names and concepts, they truly fascinated me, intrigued me. I rather liked the plot in this little story, the poor low-class girl stepping forward and standing up before the high-class bullies. Although, this could be turned to something very corny. I don't know if you are continuing with this setting, but I think this story could have something more in it. My only little bit of concern is the multitude of species you use. Sure, it's nice to see more than what we usually see in short stories, but it's also rather exhausting to rely to Wikipedia all the time when reading, to find what in earth this and this critter might be. Although, this might have something to do with the fact that I'm not a native speaker of English; Lack of vocabulary will always be one of my problems.

Anyway, very good little tale, I enjoyed reading this. Very enjoyable read, good work.

I also tend to use species that aren't generally often seen - simply because I like odd animals, or ones that you don't see too often. I may need to curb that impulse a little more. Yeah - there's a few things I see now that may be a little too cliche, either in set-up or in practice. I'll have to rewrite a good portion of this if I'm struck by the urge to go forward. :) Thank you very much for your comments.

I really enjoy your writing style. I'm definitely going to need to go through your gallery some time.
I can see it's already been brought up a few times, but it was a little confusing sorting out species and names at the start.

Be my guest, the gallery is open! ;D Thank you for the comment and compliment, and yeah... trying to figure out how to clear that up. Perhaps a bit of adding a scene before they go into the store. Something to ponder on.

I felt like starting off inside the store added to the sense of urgency and discomfort in a good way, but that might be what's needed.