Wow, that went from fun and playful to seriously heavy in a hurry... I think it worked well for the story though - it opened up a whole world of questions and really left me hanging. I wasn't sure if I was going to like it at first with all the magic and middle-school type drama, but it was quite captivating. Nicely done.

^^ Well thank you for liking it. I am not sticking to middle school though. It was only to explain the prolouge and such for the larger story. I made it transition that fast because I wanted the moment to not be a gradual stress but to hit Lillia all at once. like letting the presseure off something to fast can be dangerous. That is what happened there. ^^ The next Episode takes place years later with Lillia and her assigned gurdian.

Nice. Very well written, a tragic story. So young and yet she has to face the cruel and cold world, alone, it seems. I enjoyed this, in a way, the story is really riveting, able to charm the reader. The transition from the rather light tone of the beginning to the very heavy of the late middle and ending is very interesting. We get some little notes of the coming catastrophe as the big bully hits the girl the first time. Good way to introduce a secondary character, his first action in the story describes his whole personality in the context of this one short story.

It seems this is only the prologue of your story. Hopefully you are able to avoid the cliches, your story has good basis, but it's very easy to turn it into just something very corny with this type of setting.

Very, very good, even if sad towards the end. Great piece of prose. Keep up the good work.

XD So I really need to learn to use the reply to post button now....Oops :P

Anyways, At first she dosn't have to face it alone since she had keith and Rija her mother, but in her backstory Lillia has always been frail and shy, almost shut off from the world. And to change that attitude for the series I needed something massive and traumatic. I think I went too far at times with the mass murder thing, but then I though what else would change her attitude when she finds out she killed her father and all those people in under an instant.

The next epsidoe Will probably follow the next prompt or may just be a story fromw my mind. Don't know yet.

^^ thanks for the comments panzer, always appreciated.

Well written and engaging, I enjoyed it. The magic was interesting and the characters definitely had a lot going on. I even wanted to find out about the mysterious mages introduced at the very end.

I am not a big fan of the modern magic genre, but this prologue definitely made me interested in learning more.

One note, it would be impossible for somebody to inherit a little red from an albino. The irises are red because of a complete lack of pigment, so if her eyes are any other color (or, for that matter, if her fur/skin/nose has any color in it), they can't be a little red as well. I know it is a fantasy story, or at least it has fantastic elements, but I figured I would go ahead and pass this on to you anyway since you explain it through inheritance.

Once again, I would be interested in reading more, I liked it!

Well thank you for liking the story Hun, glad I did well on it. As for the iris's being red, I was not to sure on that at first, but I just really wanted to stick it in there, her father is albino none the less, the red I dunno XD I just kinda liked it, though it is not that pertinent to the story. ^^ but thanks for the info.

I certainly liked it and am definitely interested in seeing where it goes. As for the paricolored eyes, I mean, like I said its a magical world so keep it if you want, but don't you think she is special enough without it? Anyway, good job, and I look forward to reading more in the future.