I can't believe my entire life built up to all of this. God damnit, I'm not complicated and I never was. What kind of sick hatred kept my family from trying to do anything decent or fun? Why did it always have to be a sick, twisted hell when you can find joy in simple things? Why couldn't we have ever done something cool, like traveling and experiencing things that could bring us together and establish some kind of relationship? And why the fuck did I have to want relationships with idiots like them so much that I don't even want to live knowing, for sure this time, that I'll never get to experience what it could have been like for something to go all right? I don't have anything that could take that place.
And why did I have to be born into this mess of idiots. I'm so envious of the people around me that get to do things that are fun with their families. I'm not an idiot, I know things are never perfect in any family. I just wish I could have experienced more positive things and now that I'm alone and broke how the hell does that happen and where does the motivation supposed to come from?
And why did I have to be born into this mess of idiots. I'm so envious of the people around me that get to do things that are fun with their families. I'm not an idiot, I know things are never perfect in any family. I just wish I could have experienced more positive things and now that I'm alone and broke how the hell does that happen and where does the motivation supposed to come from?
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I'm so sorry you never had the chance to do things you wanted with your family. Not being able to go have fun vacations and being stuck with people who don't seem to want to ever really connect is not at all pleasant. Hate is a really strong force, I hope you can find kinder forces in other relationships if not find them in the ones you already have.
I really like the colors of this!, and the line quality on your sketch style work is always KILLER, LIKE DANG. Theres so much shape and motion in your works.
I really like the colors of this!, and the line quality on your sketch style work is always KILLER, LIKE DANG. Theres so much shape and motion in your works.
Try to go through it for a bit longer, it's always good to vent!
I obviously didn't have it as bad as you, and probably many haven't, but in a way at times we've experienced similar situations.
I know when I did something even remotely similar (in terms of having to leave people behind for good) it felt pretty bad, and honestly for quite a while you always have that feeling of 'Maybe I shouldn't have, and maybe I could have', and at times you feel like you regret it, but really it is just normal to feel that way!
You just have to, I guess, accept that you have to grieve the loss, it is a whole lot more helpful to talk about it (Even if to yourself) and think and remember all those things that don't make sense. It helps a whole lot when you're smart (which you sure sound like it!), because it lets you put things into a realistic perspective, eventually. Doesn't mean it's not difficult, it just means you at least can do it, so it will help you move on eventually.
If you can, try and get something else to entertain yourself for a while, something to focus on. It doesn't have to be a hobby that costs anything, it can even be something as simple as really getting into 'x y and z'. Also try not to feel too lonely! It is the perfect time for you to reach out and try to make new friends, even if it has to be online, trust me it does help having someone to rant to - or even if you'd rather, someone who'd never talk about that so that you can distract yourself.
Sadly there's usually just no other option but to grieve a loss (And all the stages, they are real!) and move on. You don't have to feel lonely, and even if you don't have anyone to reach out next to you, you always have yourself! It helps a whole lot when you're aware that you're great, so don't put yourself down for 'failing' to do things, instead accept that you couldn't have done anything about it, and it doesn't mean you're useless or worthless, it just means that's what you were dealt with, but instead of.. you know, not being here, you are here! And that's what counts, you know?
I obviously didn't have it as bad as you, and probably many haven't, but in a way at times we've experienced similar situations.
I know when I did something even remotely similar (in terms of having to leave people behind for good) it felt pretty bad, and honestly for quite a while you always have that feeling of 'Maybe I shouldn't have, and maybe I could have', and at times you feel like you regret it, but really it is just normal to feel that way!
You just have to, I guess, accept that you have to grieve the loss, it is a whole lot more helpful to talk about it (Even if to yourself) and think and remember all those things that don't make sense. It helps a whole lot when you're smart (which you sure sound like it!), because it lets you put things into a realistic perspective, eventually. Doesn't mean it's not difficult, it just means you at least can do it, so it will help you move on eventually.
If you can, try and get something else to entertain yourself for a while, something to focus on. It doesn't have to be a hobby that costs anything, it can even be something as simple as really getting into 'x y and z'. Also try not to feel too lonely! It is the perfect time for you to reach out and try to make new friends, even if it has to be online, trust me it does help having someone to rant to - or even if you'd rather, someone who'd never talk about that so that you can distract yourself.
Sadly there's usually just no other option but to grieve a loss (And all the stages, they are real!) and move on. You don't have to feel lonely, and even if you don't have anyone to reach out next to you, you always have yourself! It helps a whole lot when you're aware that you're great, so don't put yourself down for 'failing' to do things, instead accept that you couldn't have done anything about it, and it doesn't mean you're useless or worthless, it just means that's what you were dealt with, but instead of.. you know, not being here, you are here! And that's what counts, you know?
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