Last night, I had the worst night keeping it all together.

I ended up suffering with my extreme paranoia to the point I was about to crack, were it not for my boyfriend and others keeping me grounded.

I don't often talk about my paranoia, for fear I would push people away, its something i've lived with since childhood and is a major thing in my life...

I kept having thoughts of suicide, the death of my friend 10 years ago, the loss of another friend to the winds...

Things are getting harder and harder to cope with, it doesn't help I found a CD with old art from 2006, after Gordare died. I was so shocked I broke the disk up and just threw it away...

The pain I feel right now is so real, so vivid, it might as well 2006 could've happened yesterday.

I feel isolated in my pain and guilt.

Those demons are on my back and destroying whats left of my sanity...things are getting to the point where I pretty much lose touch with reality.