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This is the first combat scene I have written as an excerpt from my new high fantasy/science fiction story "Planes".
The Maldorans, people from a world of magic and enchantment, were ambushed only hours earlier. Now, their enemies have returned to finish them off. But the Maldorans aren't going down without a fight, as the fate of their entire world resides in them surviving.
Sevlow is copyright
Sevlowtyak
Maller, Conroy, and the Maldorans are copyright
Furrywriter
The Maldorans, people from a world of magic and enchantment, were ambushed only hours earlier. Now, their enemies have returned to finish them off. But the Maldorans aren't going down without a fight, as the fate of their entire world resides in them surviving.
Sevlow is copyright
SevlowtyakMaller, Conroy, and the Maldorans are copyright
Furrywriter
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Wolf
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 14.4 kB
Well, I like most of what I see here; suffice to say, it'll be more enjoyable when we get a little more of the backdrop, no?
Also, methinks I see a little LOTR influence in here, am I correct?
I'd have more to say, but I'm hot and tired right now.
(The fact that I have Sweet Transvestite going through my head in a continuous loop isn't helping either...)
Also, methinks I see a little LOTR influence in here, am I correct?
I'd have more to say, but I'm hot and tired right now.
(The fact that I have Sweet Transvestite going through my head in a continuous loop isn't helping either...)
In war fare it is some times necessary to fight an unbeatable foe, to buy time for others to escape and carry the news forward. But in fiction that must be handled carefully, because it is very rear in real life and usually unsuccessful, especially when dealing with an organized army. You must answer some questions or it wont read well.
Why does the enemy not simply go around the rear guard.
why does the force on the run have any chance at all, if things are too one sided the reader will be suspicious of amazing victories. Your furries need to find or make a tactical advantage that will counter the enemy's starting advantages. video games do not make very good books.
Example the Orite with there ships are not beatable. But if your population can destroy the ships ... the ground forces are not able to fight a determined and prepared enemy
Why does the enemy not simply go around the rear guard.
why does the force on the run have any chance at all, if things are too one sided the reader will be suspicious of amazing victories. Your furries need to find or make a tactical advantage that will counter the enemy's starting advantages. video games do not make very good books.
Example the Orite with there ships are not beatable. But if your population can destroy the ships ... the ground forces are not able to fight a determined and prepared enemy
http://rogerwilbur.com/wp-content/u.....r-series-1.jpg
like from comics and such like manspider
i also mutant Flies like Baxter Stockman from the old Ninja Turtles
like from comics and such like manspider
i also mutant Flies like Baxter Stockman from the old Ninja Turtles
This is very, very good. Not a whole lot to critique here. Some minor word choice things that are more a matter of style than anything else, but certainly nothing that detracts from the scene as a whole.
The only real advice I would give is to watch out for word repetition. It's far from an overwhelming problem here, but there are a few spots where some synonyms or reordering of words would be helpful. Certainly not a huge issue, though.
Really fantastic work.
The only real advice I would give is to watch out for word repetition. It's far from an overwhelming problem here, but there are a few spots where some synonyms or reordering of words would be helpful. Certainly not a huge issue, though.
Really fantastic work.
very nice , I just read it on the bus , I liked the battle story & how it was presented , at the end when they stood to guard the forces retreating to warn the kingom I think it've been more poinient to've one or both say to their captain something like , , if I must die I'm glad it's by your side in defending the kingdom
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