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Writing Action Sequences - The Plug & Play Method
Writing ACTION Sequences
The Plug & Play MethodLets begin with a Review...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The flash of pain exploded in my cheek from the slap her hand lashed out at me.
-- WRONG!
Why is this wrong?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you were watching this scene as a movie, that sentence is NOT how you would have seen it happen.
Actual Sequence of events:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Her hand lashed out at me in a slap. [Action]
2) A flash of pain exploded in my cheek [Reaction]
ACTION Sequences = Chronological Order
REALITY = something happens to you and then…you react.
Action > Reaction > Action > Reaction = Chronological order
FICTION = the Plot happens to the characters and then…they react.
Action > Reaction > Action > Reaction = Chronological order If you want the reader to SEE the actions that you are trying to portray, Chronological Order is the ONLY way to write that scene. In other words, if you visualize the characters doing something in a specific order – you write it in THAT order!
WRONG:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The flash of pain exploded in my cheek [Reaction] from the slap her hand lashed out at me. [Action]
RIGHT:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her hand lashed out in a slap [action].
My cheek exploded with a flash of pain. [reaction]. “Ow!” [dialogue/action] I balled my hand into a fist and swung for her stomach. [reaction]
Violating chronological order is a Very Bad idea. If you knock the actions out of order, the reader’s Mental Movie STOPS because the reader has to STOP READING to rearrange the sentences into the correct order to get the movie back.
The confusion comes in because written chronological action and dialogue tends to be rather curt in phrasing rather than poetically stylish, plus it looks very choppy on the page.
Stylistic turns of phrase, be damned!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Making the story hard for the Reader to PICTURE is a Bad Idea. Anytime the reader has to STOP to rearrange the words to FIT their mental movie, you’ve made a break. Breaks are BAD, very, very bad. A break creates a moment where the reader can Put your story Down, and forget to pick it back up again.
Who cares what the words look like on the page? Once you have a Mental Movie rolling, the reader won’t even SEE the words. They’ll be too busy making pictures in their head to notice what words they're reading. What matters is that the Mental Movie -- the Story -- doesn’t stop and the reader keeps reading!
How to FIX this chronic problem:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
VISUALIZE your scenes as you write them. Play them as a movie in your head and write everything down EXACTLY as you see it.
What about Literary style?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What about it? If you simply MUST have stylish phrasing in your fiction, save it for the descriptions, but keep it out of the actions.
Next, memorize these Two Rules:
#1 - ONE Point of View per scene.
-- Use the POV of only ONE character per sequence. Why? Because it screws up the Reader's mental movie of what's happening.
#2 - NEVER put two characters Acting in the same paragraph.
-- Make a new paragraph every time a new character ACTS, which includes dialogue. Talking is an Action!
Okay, before we go on to How to Write an Action Sequence, one last reminder on an Action Scene's WORST ENEMY...!
The Evil Nasty Vicious “AS”In school, they teach you that ‘as’ is a word used to connect fragments of sentences together, rather in the same way as you would use “and.” Unfortunately, “as” doesn’t quite work the same way as an “and” in fiction.
-- “As” means, “things that happened simultaneously.”
-- “And” means, “this happened too.”
In Fiction NOTHING is truly simultaneous because the eye READS only one thing at a time. The only things that can actually be counted as simultaneous in written fiction are groups of things.
Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
All the soldiers marched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
IMPORTANT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm NOT saying that simultaneous events CAN'T be written. I’m saying that using "as" is not the way to do it. Any group of events listed in one sentence are generally perceived as happening all at the same time -- until you get to the "and". However, they should still be listed in the order in which they happened so as to make the reader's VISION of the whole event crystal clear.
As far as I'm concerned, the only place an “as” belongs is at the BEGINNING of a sentence.
Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As all the soldiers marched, the drums and fifes played.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
See?
Where “As” goes WRONG…
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I consider “as” a red flag word. A word that marks that something has gone terribly wrong in your sentence structure.
What went wrong?
-- In fiction, the word “as” usually marks where a sentence has gone out of Chronological Order.
Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The vampire scratched his head thoughtfully as he crouched over his victim.
Think: Which actions actually happened first?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The vampire crouched over his victim.
2. He scratched his head thoughtfully.
The chronological way to write this would be:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The vampire crouched over his victim AND scratched his head thoughtfully.
Why does this matter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sentence Out of Chronological Order means that the reader has to Stop Reading to reset their mental movie of your story. That’s bad, very, very, BAD. Do this enough times and your reader will stop reading your story to go find something easier to imagine. In fact, some readers will not only drop your story, never to read it again, they’ll avoid anything else you write.
How to Grammar Check for “as”:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do a Search/Replace substituting “as” for “and,” then go back and read through your entire work. If “and” doesn’t fit right in your sentence, then it’s most likely Out of Chronological Order.
Example:
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The werewolf flattened his ears angrily as he faced the hunter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Search/Replace:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf flattened his ears angrily and he faced the hunter.
~~~~~~~~~~~
“And” doesn’t quite work there, does it? Why not? Because the werewolf didn’t flatten his ears before he faced the hunter.
Which actions actually happened first?
~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The werewolf faced the hunter.
2. He was angry.
2. He flattened his ears.
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter and he angrily flattened his ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now the “he” doesn’t fit, so let’s chop that out.
One more time:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The werewolf faced the hunter and angrily flattened his ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~
See what I mean? The word “As” is a devious sinister monster that should be destroyed on sight.
Now, on to the good stuff!
Writing Action Sequences
The "Plug & Play" MethodLife is full of random events. FICTION is NOT. Every element in a story – every character, every situation, and every object, must be there for a REASON, and have a reason to Be There. NOTHING happens “just because” – especially actions.
The Magic Formula!
Stimulus > Physical Reaction > Sensory Reaction > Emotional Reaction > Deliberate ReactionThis order is VERY specific. You may SKIP steps, but you may not change the order.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Stimulus
-- Something happens TO the character. (Action).
2) Physical Reaction
-- The character has a knee-jerk Physical Reaction to what has just happened. (Reaction)
3) Sensation Reaction
-- The character feels Physical Sensations and physically reacts to the sensations. (Reaction)
4) Emotional Reaction
-- AND THEN they have an Emotional Reaction reflected in their thoughts and/or a comment about what had just happened. (Reaction)
5) Deliberate Reaction
-- AND THEN they Respond. They DO something about that action. (Reaction)
1) NEW Stimulus
-- External Reaction of the OTHER person or an Outside event. (Action)
The Chain of REACTIONS in DETAIL1) Stimulus – Something Happens! It all begins with: Stimulus > Response, also known as Action > Reaction.
Something happens, and the character reacts. It’s that simple.
Stimulus - Joe threw the dagger at Sam.
Response – Sam ducked, and the dagger flew harmlessly past him.
Or – Sam was stabbed through the heart.
Or - Sam caught it in his hand.
Or something of a similar, immediate response-nature.
How can something this simple be confusing?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Consider this:
Stimulus - Joe threw the dagger at Sam.
Response - Sam grinned. “My, what lovely weather we’re having!”
Too many writers think the reader will assume that the dagger missed Sam. Nope. I’m afraid that many, many readers will NOT make that assumption at all. This is a PLOT Hole, a missing piece to an event, triggered by the obvious question: What happened to the dagger?
I’m not saying you can’t have that lovely piece of dialogue, I’m saying that you have to show the REST of the stimulus > response FIRST.
Stimulus - Joe threw the dagger at Sam.
Response – Sam caught the dagger in his palm, raised his brow at Joe and smiled thinly. “My, what lovely weather we’re having.”
2) Physical Reaction – The FlinchSomething happens. Your character reacts instinctively. They duck, they flinch , they dodge, they gasp, they choke, they pass out.
In real life, physical actions usually happen BEFORE dialogue. The finger pulls the trigger and THEN the shooter wonders: “Oh no, what have I done?”
Most people ACT, and then comment, because physical reactions happen faster than thought. Thought happens after the fist has already shot out. Ask any martial artist.
Thoughts that come first FREEZE physical action -- not in the literary sense, for real. Most people stop whatever action they are doing, they pause to process that thought because few people can do both at once. Martial artists are TAUGHT to Not Think when they fight -- No Mind -- specifically to make their reaction time faster.
Fiction should not be any different.
3) Sensation Reaction – Cold Chills Something just happened. What did it feel like, physically? How did they react physically to those sensations?
Sensory = of the 5 physical senses
Sense of Sight - the appearance
Sense of Sound - the melody
Sense of Taste - the flavor
Sense of Texture - the sensation
Sense of Scent - the aroma
Sensation Reaction is BOTH “what they perceived through their senses,” (it smelled like, it looked like, it sounded like, it felt like, it tasted like…) And their PHYSICAL reaction to those sensations. “It tasted like moldy socks, and I nearly retched.”
Stimulus - Joe threw the dagger at Sam.
Response – Sam reached out to grab the dagger. (Physical Reaction) The pommel slapped sharply into his palm, stinging his hand. (Sensation) He winced. (Reaction to sensation)
4) Emotional Reaction –“Oh, woe is me!” Internal Conflict!Something just happened. How did that make your character FEEL: scared, happy, angry, lustful…? These emotional feelings are reflected internally immediately after the physical sensations that wracked their bodies with unwarranted stimuli. Ahem, after they feel the physical effects of what just happened.
Additionally, internal observations, internal dialogue and narration happens before they make a vocal remark.
Stimulus - Joe threw the dagger at Sam.
Response – Sam reached out to grab the dagger. The pommel slapped sharply into his palm, stinging his hand. He winced. (Internalization) He had known Joe was pissed at him, but he hadn’t thought he was that pissed.
5) Deliberate Reaction – Retaliation!Something happened, your character has felt the effects, had a thought and perhaps made a comment. So, what is your character going to do next? A deliberate action designed for Retaliation! More commonly known as: Revenge.
Stimulus - Joe threw the dagger at Sam.
Response – Sam reached out to grab the dagger. The pommel slapped sharply into his palm, stinging his hand. He winced. (Internalization) He had known Joe was pissed at him, but he hadn’t thought he was that pissed. (Deliberate Reaction / Stimulus – intended to get a reaction out of Joe.) He raised his brow at Joe and smiled thinly. “My, what lovely weather we’re having!”
Just to make things confusing – Dialogue can be a Response Reaction, an Internalization, an Emotional Reaction or a Deliberate Reaction! When in doubt, always put Dialogue AFTER a physical action.
Ready? Steady... ACTION!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fill in the blank!Stimulus > Physical Reaction > Sensation Reaction > Emotional Reaction > Deliberate Reaction Stimulus - Something happened
Physical Reaction - Their body’s immediate physical reaction
Sensation Reaction - The physical sensations and their effects
Emotional Reaction - What they thought about what was happening
Deliberate Reaction - How they responded
NEW Stimulus - What happened next.
- In that order.
External / something HAPPENED
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Stimulus - Physical Action / Action, dialogue or both >
- Will Turner stabbed his sword toward Jack Sparrow.
Viewpoint Character’s Reaction:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2) Response - Physical Reaction / Did they jump? Flinch? Catch the flying object? >
- Jack twisted to intercept the oncoming blade with his blade, rather than his body.
3) Response - Sensation Reaction / The physical sensations and their effects >
- The swords impacted with a jarring ring.
4) Response – Emotional Reaction / Internal or Vocal Comment reflecting what they thought about what was happening >
- “Will this isn’t the brightest idea in the world. I don’t know if you noticed, but there are a bunch of cutthroat pirates in the next cave?”
5) Response – Deliberate Reaction / What they did or said in retaliation >
- He slid his sword up Will’s blade, waggled his brows, and smiled engagingly.
External Reaction of the OTHER person or an Outside event:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) NEW Stimulus - Physical Action/Action or dialogue or Action & then Dialogue. >
- Will flinched back and scowled. “I don’t care. I want to rescue her now!”
On the Page...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Will Turner lunged, stabbing his sword toward Jack Sparrow.
Jack twisted to intercept the oncoming blade with his blade, rather than his body. The swords impacted with a jarring ring. “Will this isn’t the brightest idea in the world. I don’t know if you noticed, but there are a bunch of cutthroat pirates in the next cave?” He slid his sword up Will’s blade and smiled.
Will flinched back and scowled. “I don’t care. I want to rescue her now!”
Get it? Got it? GOOD!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCLAIMER: As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ookami Kasumi
http://ookami-kasumi.livejournal.com/
Final Note!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a PDF file! In order to download, you must Right-Click > SAVE AS to your personal files and add .pdf to the end of the file's name! In order to open it, you'll need a PDF reader such as Adobe Acrobat.
Category Story / Tutorials
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Listed in Folders
It took me ages to stop using "as" because it was so damned prevalent in Non-Fiction. (Reports, essays, journalistic articles, reference books, commercials, news programs documentaries...) It literally seeped into my speech-pattern and likewise, into my fiction.
In Non-fiction "as" works just fine because the Focus of non-fiction is on IMPACT, on making a Point. When you're making a Point, when and how the facts are revealed doesn't matter. It's not Time-sensitive.
Fiction's focus is on Events -- which IS Time-Sensitive. When you reveal those events, and how they unfold DOES matter.
Worst of all, they DON'T teach this difference ANYWHERE. Not even in Creative Writing courses.
In Non-fiction "as" works just fine because the Focus of non-fiction is on IMPACT, on making a Point. When you're making a Point, when and how the facts are revealed doesn't matter. It's not Time-sensitive.
Fiction's focus is on Events -- which IS Time-Sensitive. When you reveal those events, and how they unfold DOES matter.
Worst of all, they DON'T teach this difference ANYWHERE. Not even in Creative Writing courses.
Question on ordering, what if a person is blindsided by a punch or attack? What if there's an argument and one person sucker-punches (term?) the other? On top of that, how would you address that issue in a first-person point of view from the person getting hit?
There's the pain before the hit is registered, right? A sense of confusion stemming from it?
There's the pain before the hit is registered, right? A sense of confusion stemming from it?
Question on ordering, what if a person is blindsided by a punch or attack? On top of that, how would you address that issue in a first-person point of view from the person getting hit?
If you are using the one struck's POV, the scene goes like this:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Stimulus
-- Something unbelievably hard whammed against the side of my head.
2) Physical Reaction
-- I was knocked to the side two full steps and my eyes crossed. I swear I saw stars.
3) Sensation Reaction
-- Horrific pain bloomed where I'd been hit, making my eyes water and my knees wobble.
4) Emotional Reaction
-- "What the hell...?" They hit me! "Son of a Bitch!"
5) Deliberate Reaction
-- I whirled around with my fist up and back, cocked to plow down the ass-hole that sucker-punched me.
1) NEW Stimulus
-- External Reaction of the OTHER person or an Outside event. (Action)
If you are using the one struck's POV, the scene goes like this:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Stimulus
-- Something unbelievably hard whammed against the side of my head.
2) Physical Reaction
-- I was knocked to the side two full steps and my eyes crossed. I swear I saw stars.
3) Sensation Reaction
-- Horrific pain bloomed where I'd been hit, making my eyes water and my knees wobble.
4) Emotional Reaction
-- "What the hell...?" They hit me! "Son of a Bitch!"
5) Deliberate Reaction
-- I whirled around with my fist up and back, cocked to plow down the ass-hole that sucker-punched me.
1) NEW Stimulus
-- External Reaction of the OTHER person or an Outside event. (Action)
This may be a situational question, but what happens when two people are doing things simultaniously? For example, a person approaching "as" another is writhing on the floor. Because perception of time is up to the reader, splitting the actions into two paragraphs would make one action "take" place after the other, or percieved to be, even if they were supposed to be happening at the same time. Is this something that cannot be avoided, since it steps on a few Writing-Don'ts (using as and putting two individual's actions together in one paragraph, even the same sentence)? I guess you can use "while" instead of "as", but that doesn't eliminate the double-action.
What do you have to say about this?
What do you have to say about this?
"This may be a situational question, but what happens when two people are doing things simultaneously? For example, a person approaching "as" another is writhing on the floor."
Which action HAPPENED first? The writhing on the floor, or the approach? I would vote: the Writhing.
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She writhed on the floor, moaning.
Not wanting to disturb the lovely view, I approached silently to get a better look.
~~~~~~~~~
Two people Should NOT share the same paragraph UNLESS those two people are acting as One Unit.
~~~~~~~~~
All the solders marched.
The small piper tried to match their steps but his strides simply weren't long enough to keep the tempo.
~~~~~~~~~
The two siblings laughed and joked while eating their lunch on the veranda.
Their mother watched with a fond smile
~~~~~~~~~
In your example, your two characters are Not acting as one unit. They're doing two completely different actions = two paragraphs.
"...perception of time is up to the reader, splitting the actions into two paragraphs would make one action "take" place after the other, or perceived to be, even if they were supposed to be happening at the same time."
CORRECT because the reader reads One Word at a Time, so that's how they SEE what's happening in their minds -- in the order you wrote it. You simply have to decide which comes first -- the action (approach), or the Observation of the action (writhing).
Which action HAPPENED first? The writhing on the floor, or the approach? I would vote: the Writhing.
~~~~~~~~~
She writhed on the floor, moaning.
Not wanting to disturb the lovely view, I approached silently to get a better look.
~~~~~~~~~
Two people Should NOT share the same paragraph UNLESS those two people are acting as One Unit.
~~~~~~~~~
All the solders marched.
The small piper tried to match their steps but his strides simply weren't long enough to keep the tempo.
~~~~~~~~~
The two siblings laughed and joked while eating their lunch on the veranda.
Their mother watched with a fond smile
~~~~~~~~~
In your example, your two characters are Not acting as one unit. They're doing two completely different actions = two paragraphs.
"...perception of time is up to the reader, splitting the actions into two paragraphs would make one action "take" place after the other, or perceived to be, even if they were supposed to be happening at the same time."
CORRECT because the reader reads One Word at a Time, so that's how they SEE what's happening in their minds -- in the order you wrote it. You simply have to decide which comes first -- the action (approach), or the Observation of the action (writhing).
The reason I bring this up is because simultanious actions are very common in visual storytelling, like manga or graphic novels. The writhing girl and the approaching observer can be pictured in the same panel. It's a lot easier and more natural to percieve then as happening at the same time (even if the eye can only see so much at once) than when you read it happening. Part of the trouble I have with storytelling is wrestling with the decision to write it out or illustrate it. This action problem can be easily written around, but it's still frustrating to have the original idea of the scene reimagined a little to fit a certain medium.
As you have stated (lol 'as'), one must define which action comes first. In the two sentences provided, a different meaning can be interpreted through the two actions:
The vampire crouched over his victim AND scratched his head thoughtfully.
The perception here is that the vampire enters into a deeper contemplation and/or inspection upon being closer to the victim. Much more information must be perceived by the vampire before any further deductions must be made.
contrast with:
The vampire scratched his head thoughtfully AND crouched over his victim.
From this perception, the vampire acts upon a perceived decision. "Thought" as perception shows the vampire has, unlike the first example, came to a conclusion about something before getting closer. On top of that, the sentence ends with anticipation as to what is going to happen next. "Thought -> Action" versus "Action -> Thought" of the first sentence.
To me, the intention of the vampire changes depending on the order. So going back to old stories and editing out the "as"es (wtf-plural?) requires fair deliberation.
The vampire crouched over his victim AND scratched his head thoughtfully.
The perception here is that the vampire enters into a deeper contemplation and/or inspection upon being closer to the victim. Much more information must be perceived by the vampire before any further deductions must be made.
contrast with:
The vampire scratched his head thoughtfully AND crouched over his victim.
From this perception, the vampire acts upon a perceived decision. "Thought" as perception shows the vampire has, unlike the first example, came to a conclusion about something before getting closer. On top of that, the sentence ends with anticipation as to what is going to happen next. "Thought -> Action" versus "Action -> Thought" of the first sentence.
To me, the intention of the vampire changes depending on the order. So going back to old stories and editing out the "as"es (wtf-plural?) requires fair deliberation.
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