The negative spiral I can't seem to escape from, the walls that prevent my progress.

I usually don't want to waste drawing time with vent art but once in a while it just becomes too much. Right now I'm back at gesture drawing again but soon I will have to continue with my study and everything I try to practice will be a waste, because I won't be able to practice at the full pressure of my study and everything else.
The more I try to learn about drawing the more other subjects show up like I have the wrong drawing materials or that I've never drawn from the shoulder which is how you're supposed to draw. I don't know where to start and what I have to do to become better.
Eventually i'll end up just trying to draw new pieces, new art ideas but end up failing every single one again because I'm not skilled enough.
I want to find the red line in things in what I need to improve I want to be able to follow that line and not constantly getting kicked off by it thanks to my study, As result I have to start up from the beginning over and over again. It seems so pointless to me, no matter what I do I never get to the point of where I'm finally able to improve.

Every time I start to get back at practicing art it feels like another class I failed previously and have to redo while not having a chance to finish it. It actually keeps me from drawing at all. I'm too busy with it in my head to even make a start.



For those that are bothered by posts like these, don't worry the next thing will be normal art or practice sketches. Something like this won't show up anytime soon again.