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Initiation
A Thursday Prompt Story
© 2017 by Walter Reimer
Prompt: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22617439/
Glass-fronted barrister’s bookcases lurked in the shadows as Thomas stepped into the darkened room and the double doors closed behind him. The sound of the antelope’s hooves was deadened by the thick velvet carpet as he walked toward the pool of light at the far end of the room.
The others waited for him at the huge desk beneath the lights, a curious combination of the dissolute and possibly drunk, the dapper and the slovenly. He’d met them all in the past year – Nigel, the rat who always slouched in his seat as if determined to see if he could sit on his shoulder blades; Kaspar and Julius, the wolf and the rhino that always worked as a team; Zahi, who always found time to pray five times daily, despite the press of business; Colleen, a cross-breed who always dressed well and whose eyes could pierce right to your soul; and Jack, the hyena whose nonchalance masked the abilities that made him the most dangerous fur in the room.
Seated at the center, directly under the light, was the leader of the group. Sir Bernard was getting on a bit, but as he met the antelope’s gaze Thomas recognized the man’s ability. He had been formidable in his youth, he knew.
“Ah, Thomas,” Sir Bernard said in a low and rumbling voice, almost a purr. “Come a bit closer,” and he put on his glasses as Nigel took a drag on his cigar and Colleen set a glass of wine on the desk. “We’ve observed your progress over the past year.”
He expected that, and stood facing them, waiting.
“You did well in Cape Town,” Zahi said, his voice a silky whisper.
Jack turned a page of the book he was reading. “You missed him in Manila,” he remarked in an off-paw manner.
Julius, his suit jacket open and his tie flowing like a cataract down his paunch, looked down at his fingernails. “Ya done okay,” he said, Kaspar merely nodding.
Sir Bernard tapped a claw on the desk. “Thomas Everly, we here have discussed your progress, and the consensus is that you are worthy.”
He smiled.
“We welcome you to the Guild of Assassins.”
End.
A Thursday Prompt Story
© 2017 by Walter Reimer
Prompt: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22617439/
Glass-fronted barrister’s bookcases lurked in the shadows as Thomas stepped into the darkened room and the double doors closed behind him. The sound of the antelope’s hooves was deadened by the thick velvet carpet as he walked toward the pool of light at the far end of the room.
The others waited for him at the huge desk beneath the lights, a curious combination of the dissolute and possibly drunk, the dapper and the slovenly. He’d met them all in the past year – Nigel, the rat who always slouched in his seat as if determined to see if he could sit on his shoulder blades; Kaspar and Julius, the wolf and the rhino that always worked as a team; Zahi, who always found time to pray five times daily, despite the press of business; Colleen, a cross-breed who always dressed well and whose eyes could pierce right to your soul; and Jack, the hyena whose nonchalance masked the abilities that made him the most dangerous fur in the room.
Seated at the center, directly under the light, was the leader of the group. Sir Bernard was getting on a bit, but as he met the antelope’s gaze Thomas recognized the man’s ability. He had been formidable in his youth, he knew.
“Ah, Thomas,” Sir Bernard said in a low and rumbling voice, almost a purr. “Come a bit closer,” and he put on his glasses as Nigel took a drag on his cigar and Colleen set a glass of wine on the desk. “We’ve observed your progress over the past year.”
He expected that, and stood facing them, waiting.
“You did well in Cape Town,” Zahi said, his voice a silky whisper.
Jack turned a page of the book he was reading. “You missed him in Manila,” he remarked in an off-paw manner.
Julius, his suit jacket open and his tie flowing like a cataract down his paunch, looked down at his fingernails. “Ya done okay,” he said, Kaspar merely nodding.
Sir Bernard tapped a claw on the desk. “Thomas Everly, we here have discussed your progress, and the consensus is that you are worthy.”
He smiled.
“We welcome you to the Guild of Assassins.”
End.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Cervine (Other)
Size 98 x 120px
File Size 14 kB
Listed in Folders
Nice work. The intent of the group was well hidden until the end, at least to my eyes. I did notice that minor weakness of several 'always' popping up. I have that same tendency. I don't know if it would help you but I've found it invaluable to have a text-to-speech program read stuff to me while I read along. Hearing words repeat themselves in a short span of time is much easier to notice over seeing them. It also catches those pesky 'wrong word spelled correctly' errors that slip past spell checkers.
Anyway, a solid effort worth reading. Thanks for sharing.
Anyway, a solid effort worth reading. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for the critique! I wrote it while at work that morning and caught the errors that evening after supper. I thought that changing it might alter the word count, so I posted it as is.
I'm contemplating making this little story into a larger tale, and of course I'll alter the wording.
I'm contemplating making this little story into a larger tale, and of course I'll alter the wording.
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