This is another piece constructed from leftovers. Parts of it are from old scratch pads (part of what I call my ‘burn-pile’), dating back to February of 1997, and the rest of it comes from fragments collected over the past year or so, but thus far never used for anything in particular. Another, additional source of inspiration is an old song by The Grass Roots: Let’s Live for Today.

The older fragments are a composite of experiences I had in a few horrible part-time jobs I held from 1994-1996. For a while, during that period, I was reduced to working up to three part time jobs for insane hours, and in the end, making less money than I would have with one decent full-time job. In short, after all the expenses and hassle of getting to and from those jobs, I was making only a tiny bit more than I would have gotten on welfare.

Of course, such a situation cannot continue for very long without real problems starting. The biggest of these is that when you’re the low, low, lowest man on the totem pole, you are (of course) expected to ‘go that extra mile’ to prove yourself, that expectation of ‘above and beyond’ as the required exercise for simply justifying your presence to the boss—specifically just why he actually needs you; and repeating this performance on a daily basis.

In such a situation, the carrot simply does not exist, and you’ll only ever see vague, instantaneous, blurry glimpses of it off in the distance, and it’s made amply clear that that is all you’re ever going to get. Instead, you deal only with the stick, and the binary choice between whether you’re actively getting the stick, or the transient reward of briefly not getting the stick.

One boss in particular wanted me to be a bit more ‘flexible’ in my availability (which of course, meant shedding at least one of the part time jobs. Indeed, he made it clear that he would much prefer that I gave up both of them—all of this without even the slightest guarantee of replacing that lost, and sorely needed income. When I pointed out that fact, the boss in question was a great deal less than pleased, telling me: ‘I need employees, who are prepared to demonstrate a certain level of loyalty in return for the respect and courtesy that I show them.’

I was actually quite aghast, as this particular boss seemed to think that ‘respect’ meant that he simply didn’t use you for his verbal punching bag and emotional tampon for a short period of time. I didn’t say anything right away, but I didn’t have to, because before I even had a chance to speak, he launched right back in with: ‘You think I give you the worst and most tedious jobs, and the most annoying problems because I want to punish you? No, I give you those jobs because I know that you’ll do them without giving me a hard time. I show you that level of trust and respect, and you’re not willing to give me loyalty in return?!?’

By that time, I had probably not slept a proper, full night’s sleep in over three months, and I just snapped. I vividly recall saying to him:

‘Sir, I had it yesterday. I don’t need it today. I think I’ve had my fill of that sort of ‘respect’. Especially since it’s not going to pay my bills. Not now, and not in the foreseeable future. Like I said, I had plenty of that ‘respect’ yesterday. Find someone else to give it to,’cause I don’t need it today. Any other day for that matter.’

He actually asked me if I was serious. Didn’t quite understand my reply of:

‘You haven’t given me a reason not to be, sir.’

He huffed and puffed over: ‘A reason?!? I don’t need to give you a reason!’

‘Indeed, sir. You don’t need to give me a reason, when I no longer work for you.’

He did try and call me back the next day, but the call didn’t last very long. Not when it quickly became clear that, not only had he not budged on any of his positions, he had actually doubled-down on them, and also expected me to give him an apology...

You had that yesterday... You don't need it today.