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Story / Fantasy
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This is my first story I've written. I want feedback on how it is
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Alien (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 4.7 kB
Listed in Folders
You have a lot of room for improvement as this is a first.
Writing takes time and lots of it: Planning, outlining, rewriting.
We have more a beginning paragraph fresh draft at this point, not much of a story nor even a chapter at this point.
Take your time. Work on showing through imagery and sensory. What do things look like, how do they feel, how do they see. Use description and action to build up character and place.
Basil de Banar having you as the main character is poor writing. It ruins suspension of disbelief and what is known as a Mary Sue trait which ruins both character and plot. The audience does not want to read a story about you or a wish fulfillment fictional you.
When you write there is a relationship between audience, text, and author that needs to be kept in balance. Ask your self-questions how do you see things, how would the audience see it, etc.
Things also need to make logical sense, be emotionally sound, and be ethical. For example: “Avoiding the high school, Basil went to the library instead. He sat alone trying to do something productive, but got lost in thought until several of his classmates walked into the library.” He avoids the high school and goes to the library which seems to be a part of the school. Watch for things like that. Each word in a story needs to make sense and serve purpose for the story.
Beginnings are important things they serve to draw the audience into a story. Think of how this story could begin and do that. Action, interesting dialogue, etc.
Though, you just begun. I recommend to keep writing even if this, go to a place and write what you see. Try to capture and describe it and recreate it. Your room, a park, school, etc. Read and pay attention to what you read look at how the authors write and what they do. Look for writing groups at your school and get buddy with your writing teachers. Pay respect to the classics and don’t neglect them there’s a lot they can teach. I highly recommend the Lunsford easy writer, it will help you become a better writer and be a life long friend. And most of all just simply practice.
Writing takes time and lots of it: Planning, outlining, rewriting.
We have more a beginning paragraph fresh draft at this point, not much of a story nor even a chapter at this point.
Take your time. Work on showing through imagery and sensory. What do things look like, how do they feel, how do they see. Use description and action to build up character and place.
Basil de Banar having you as the main character is poor writing. It ruins suspension of disbelief and what is known as a Mary Sue trait which ruins both character and plot. The audience does not want to read a story about you or a wish fulfillment fictional you.
When you write there is a relationship between audience, text, and author that needs to be kept in balance. Ask your self-questions how do you see things, how would the audience see it, etc.
Things also need to make logical sense, be emotionally sound, and be ethical. For example: “Avoiding the high school, Basil went to the library instead. He sat alone trying to do something productive, but got lost in thought until several of his classmates walked into the library.” He avoids the high school and goes to the library which seems to be a part of the school. Watch for things like that. Each word in a story needs to make sense and serve purpose for the story.
Beginnings are important things they serve to draw the audience into a story. Think of how this story could begin and do that. Action, interesting dialogue, etc.
Though, you just begun. I recommend to keep writing even if this, go to a place and write what you see. Try to capture and describe it and recreate it. Your room, a park, school, etc. Read and pay attention to what you read look at how the authors write and what they do. Look for writing groups at your school and get buddy with your writing teachers. Pay respect to the classics and don’t neglect them there’s a lot they can teach. I highly recommend the Lunsford easy writer, it will help you become a better writer and be a life long friend. And most of all just simply practice.
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