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Norwald and his brother, Gerald, get lost when their hometown of Jardeona is evacuated, and Norwald realizes he must rely on himself to survive when his brother becomes ill.
Part of my story "Planes"
Part of my story "Planes"
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 9.8 kB
I really enjoyed the setup of arming the entire city. It gives a massive sense of urgency to the scene when every individual is ordered to arm themselves for impending war. This helped me understand the enormity of the conflict even more.
Gerald's reaction to the spellstone is very interesting and you create suspense well when it comes to describing his ailments. I found myself intrigued as the story continued and I wanted to know what was wrong.
The device in the woods is an interesting little teaser. You do a good job of planting plot points that keep the reader intrigued.
Good job!
-Vaperfox
Gerald's reaction to the spellstone is very interesting and you create suspense well when it comes to describing his ailments. I found myself intrigued as the story continued and I wanted to know what was wrong.
The device in the woods is an interesting little teaser. You do a good job of planting plot points that keep the reader intrigued.
Good job!
-Vaperfox
read it on the bus , came here to 15 min. terminal , did afew other things online then hilighted & printed coversheet , faved , wrote short comment ,, ,, now on other computer & more time . *smiles&giggles a bit jokingly* o.k. o.k. *still smilining&giggling a bit
I enjoyed the underlaying bond & trust , the 2 seem to act as one to get the job done , , yes that job has not become quite clear yet but you can tell it will be "earthshatering" , , the younger one seems to understand more of the mission to come & the older brother seems to be handling his abilities with a kinda stumble-bumble feel & somewhat stubborn eagerness that's sometimes stressfull & frustrating to the both , to the one because he does seem to fully understand yet & to the other who's looking out for & trying to patienly teach his brother
I enjoyed the underlaying bond & trust , the 2 seem to act as one to get the job done , , yes that job has not become quite clear yet but you can tell it will be "earthshatering" , , the younger one seems to understand more of the mission to come & the older brother seems to be handling his abilities with a kinda stumble-bumble feel & somewhat stubborn eagerness that's sometimes stressfull & frustrating to the both , to the one because he does seem to fully understand yet & to the other who's looking out for & trying to patienly teach his brother
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