Ref by the beautiful  Palelillyillustration

Christian is mine, Bitches.

"Counting Sheep"


The ram went down easily enough. Not being able to beat a target over the head until they stop moving was pretty refreshing. I never played baseball after middle school but somehow my batting average stayed high. I snickered casting the wooden sports club into a nearby dumpster.

“You aight there Batman?”

I froze. No way had someone seen me, No way could anyone have gotten this close without me noticing especially not close enough to make snide comments and bad jokes. The eyes were unwilling but hearing and smell were sharp as ever. “Who’s there?” it was reflexive, my eyes rolled into my head, a fucking amateur, horror movie mistake.

“Killing a rich guy in an alley is sort of cliche ain’t it. This some comic book shit doncha think”

He saw what I did. No doubt about it. This would have to be a two for one, everybody must go. All I had left was a knife in my belt, but in a nonchalant shoulder roll, it was in my hoodie sleeve. I just needed a moment. He was seated on a trash can, legs crossed effeminately. His coat was neat and well-kept and even in the dull moonlight of the grimy filth ridden alleyway, he seemed to shine ever so slightly.

What a cunt… I thought. I judged him right away. A Pitbull jacketed with salt and pepper spots including a patch over his right eye and the spotted nose like Jackson Pollock had slapped him with his tailfin. He slid off the garbage can and came closer with a girly gait, I couldn’t figure it out. I was pretty sure it was a male. He was built like a steam engine the way most Pitts are but had he had a weird hourglass shape like his hips were just wider then they should be. He walked on the front part of his paws probably to make his ass stick out, I could only take that guess based on the pink, crotch riding hot shorts I couldn’t look away from. The kind that probably have something written on the ass. I’m not sure which made me more uncomfortable, that, or his chest muscles stretching a black lacy cut off tank top to its absolute limit. His arms had to be as big around as my legs. It was like the guys top half was pro body builder and the bottom have was working girl. I think I might have found the world’s strongest skank.

“You don’t have to stare bruh, it’s not fo’ you”

Paralysis stepped in again. I was so overloaded with surprises I couldn’t move or speak only stare at this wanna be drag queen and hope he wasn’t violent but I could keep standing there like a bitch I had to say something.

“Make yourself scarce and I won’t be staring. I’m kinda in the middle of something” yeah like I’m gonna just continue a murder right after being discovered, shut up idiot this dude can crush your face with his bare hands

He started laughing which caused me to look around for others to make sure no one came to check on the commotion.

“Naw man, I ain’t going nowhere, it’s not like you’d actually let me walk away from this right? I’d be out my mind to turn my back on you, so you just keep doing you, short stuff”

Short stuff? The fuckin- I was vapor locked. Surprise and anger just seemed to cancel each other out.
Maybe I should just run. I’ve never left a body behind before so it’s not like there’s any suspicion but that does leave a witness… fuck I have to do this with an audience what the shit is this guy’s deal. I really don’t have a choice I guess. Just gotta wait for a chance
I began to drag my prey and couldn’t help but look up as I passed this fucking idiot “You wanna gimme a hand”

“Naw, Cuz you got it”

“Useless” This caused another laugh from this big headed lunatic



I made short work of the ram. Butchered and separated and disposed of. It took nearly an hour to hammer the teeth out of my victim and even longer to dry and powder them. As I added the chalky crystals to a water bottle I looked to my unwanted companion. I genuinely hoped that something I did tonight would run him off. I even let my professionalism slip, puncturing parts of the digestive tract to see if the smell would get rid of him but he stayed and watched with a strange genuine interest. He never once let his guard down but he was closer now then he’d ever been. Calm down Sonny, the ritual first then we finish this. I might carve off this guy’s pecs just to be ironic. I downed the water quickly barely savoring the kill. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted and the uncertainty was making me anxious

“Hm… I feel a chill” he grinned and turned his back to me and crossed his arms.

I was right… his ass said ‘Fuck Boy’… I’m going to kill this guy and I’m going to enjoy doing it. The bone saw was the first thing in my hands. My vision went red as rage started building up and I dashed at him, relinquishing all thoughts and hesitation, which was my mistake. He juked to one side much quicker than I expected, like he had baited me. My momentum carried me full force into the alley wall.
I reeled back and palmed the knife from my sleeve slashing at him frantically, I desperately had to put him down but he pretty easily danced away. I looked fucking stupid and I could tell from the look on his face. Eventually I was trying to catch my breath

His hands went to his hips and he leaned down over my crumpled form “You had that shit comin, karma’s a bitch”

“Fuck you” I muttered, gasping for air.

I recovered and headed home ditching blood soaked plastic in a dumpster a few blocks away and this asshole started following me.
“what you’re coming home with me?”

“You gonna try and stop me? That went well last time”

I rolled my eyes and walked a few feet before breaking into a sprint. I took a long way around to the apartment, sprinting whenever I caught my breath even though I lost him a long time ago. Rationality became a stranger when this guy appeared in that alley. Nothing was making sense and for the first time I was the one surprised and metaphorically ambushed. I hit the door like I was running from a monster and my leather faced roommate looked up at me confused.

“You ok Sonny”

“Fine, Mao, just out for a run”

“In Jeans?”

“Yeah, my mistake”

“Mmmmhm….” He turned back to his game. That’s what I liked about the old sphinx. He minded his own business so long as there was no need for alarm. The tattoos all over his wrinkled skin suggest he had secrets of his own. Mao was young in the 70’s and it made me wonder what stories he had to tell but for fear of having to share my own, I kept silent. I shut the door to my room behind me and changed into dirty bike shorts before collapsing face first into my lived in bed. The ram was really the only thing I did today, and yet, the Pitbull had made today exhausting. My last fear as I rolled onto my back was that his intrusion had disrupted the ritual. Only attempting to sleep would tell me for sure. The bone laced water sloshed in my gut. Teeth was a new one. Maybe I was evolving.
A high pitched, dad style whistle rips me back from sleep and I open my good eye to see that fucking Pitbull hovering over me. I couldn’t hide fear now but he back away and took a seat on my dresser.

“Good you’re awake! Can’t have ya sleeping this early can we?”

What the hell is happening right now? That sensation you get when you first wake up suddenly and you’re not quite alert. You’re delirious, and pretty sure your eyes are lying to you like you’re still in a dream. A few seconds allows my reality to sink in and I wished it hadn’t.

“What the fuck do you want!?” I screamed, I looked around for anything I could defend myself with. Everything was beginning to spiral. What did he bring cops how did he find me? I have to kill him. I may have to kill Mao and go back to the other apartment will he follow me there? Will I have to kill Tansey too? Make it stop, just go away, please tell me I’m dreaming, just go away!

“Call me Christian. Imma be chillin for a while.” As if to mock me he slid off the dresser and turned away again. It was only now I noticed he was shirtless and he wore a new pair of hotshorts that just said ‘Chill’ on the ass in the Netflix font.

Mao’s huge eyes suddenly appeared from around the door way.

“Hey you ok what the hell is that screaming for”

“No uh… nothing… he’s just… uh”

Mao’s saucer eyes sorta darted around the room looking for the cause of alarm. Then leaned against the door frame looking concerned and maybe a bit annoyed too.

“Sonny, man, calm down you mighta just had a nightmare… I think I got some anxiety meds. Wash it down with a beer and you’ll be good.” He seemed to be staring through Christian at me and as reality sank in and I realized what was happening, the Pitbull let out another howl of laughter.