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This is a little thing my family asked me to whip up. It's a one act play that's a spoof of Agatha Kristy mysteries.
If you decide for some strange reason you want to put on this play, please send me the results
Characters:
Washed out rock star Hugh Bris Played by:
Club owner Travis Tea Played by:
Professional murderer Darkmurderer Played by:
Art critic Arty Two-eyes Played by:
Inspector Hamilton Holt Played by:
Deadbeat dad Ethan Nol Played by
Host Cole Cough Played by:
Act one, scene one
All characters (besides Inspector Hamilton Holt) stand around the body of a man.
All: *Scream of terror*
Darkmurderer: My word! There’s a pair of scissors sticking out of that man’s chest!
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Arty faints onto the sofa next to Ethan, who takes a drink of his beer. Darkmurderer fans their face poshly.
Cole: Someone ring the police!
Hamilton Holt explodes through a door.
Hamilton Holt: MURDER! Murder most… foul.
Travis: Murder?! How do you know it wasn’t an arts and crafts accident? Who are you anyway?
All (Besides Hamilton Holt and Arty): Yeah!
Hamilton Holt strikes an improvised, ridiculous, and yet somehow charming pose.
Hamilton Holt: I am only the greatest detective in this room! I solved the mystery of the great onion fire of ‘68!
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Cole: You better, there might be a m-m-m-murderer in our midst!
Ethan: I’ll drink to that
Ethan drinks over next line
Darkmurderer: But, who could be capable of such a heinous act?! What demon spawn would kill a gentle soul such as this, the finest maker of wine in the county!? Wont anyone think of the children!?
Ethan finishes his drink, and opens another.
Hamilton Holt: Never fear, sir Darkmurderer, I will surely bring the crook to justice!
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Arty wakes up, sees the body once more, and faints. Hamilton Holt approaches the first suspect: Travis Tea.
Hamilton Holt: Mr Tea. Owner of the Dig It club downtown. You order a lot of… fine wine, correct?
Travis: I do but… It wasn’t me!
Hamilton Holt: I didn’t say you did it. Of course, Mr Tea here has no motive. Why would He kill a supplier of his alcohol?
Ethan: I know I wouldn’t
Hamilton moves to the next suspect: Ethan
Ethan: Hey, -hic- It wadn me
Hamilton Holt: Indeed it wasn’t. Although there could have been some disagreement about the taste of the swill this dead body once made, or some such similar petty dispute, no man in this state could be capable of carrying out the deed.
Darkmurderer: Someone get him a drink! Ha Ha!
Hamilton Holt pushes lightly on Ethan, who is swaying left and right drunkenly. He falls over under the slight nudge. Hamilton Holt then moves to the next suspect: Arty.
Hamilton Holt: And of course, despite the fact that Arty was forced to pay ridiculous catering fees to wine corpse over here for their art installation, their deadly aversion to violence and blood, in particular, would make them unfit for any murder related activities.
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Hamilton Holt moves to the next suspect: Hugh.
Hugh: Stoned, man?
Hamilton Holt: The rock star, with such hits as Moon Under My Fingernail, and The Wind’s High Up. But now, constantly under the influence of some drug or another, and desperately looking for a new thrill: Murder.
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Hamilton Holt: Though, all those drugs have more than eliminated any brain cells that might be able to plan a crime.
Darkmurderer: Well said, sir!
Hugh: Stone-
Hamilton places his hand over Hugh’s mouth as he moves on to the next suspect: Cole.
Cole: Alright! It was me! I did it!
Hamilton narrows his eyes and looks into Cole’s eyes.
Hamilton Holt: You did not commit this murder.
All: *gasps*
Cole: B-but… I did!
Hamilton Holt: You couldn’t have! You have a unique disorder that prevents you from holding scissors!
All: *gasps once more*
Hamilton Holt: The real culprit was…
Hamilton Holt looks over each character in turn, resting at last on Darkmurderer.
Darkmurderer: What? Me? Why would I take the life of an innocent wine connoisseur? I love wine!
Hamilton Holt: Perhaps too much, Darkmurderer. When wine dude down there refused to give you wine, due to the fact that he was sold out of the specific kind you asked for, you killed him with these scissors! And who else, but a man with a PhD in murder, would be able to kill a man?
Darkmurderer: No! You can’t do this! I’m not a murderer!
Darkmurderer makes a break for the door, but Hamilton Holt punches him and he falls, clasping his face.
Hamilton Holt: You’re nicked!
Fin.
If you decide for some strange reason you want to put on this play, please send me the results
Characters:
Washed out rock star Hugh Bris Played by:
Club owner Travis Tea Played by:
Professional murderer Darkmurderer Played by:
Art critic Arty Two-eyes Played by:
Inspector Hamilton Holt Played by:
Deadbeat dad Ethan Nol Played by
Host Cole Cough Played by:
Act one, scene one
All characters (besides Inspector Hamilton Holt) stand around the body of a man.
All: *Scream of terror*
Darkmurderer: My word! There’s a pair of scissors sticking out of that man’s chest!
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Arty faints onto the sofa next to Ethan, who takes a drink of his beer. Darkmurderer fans their face poshly.
Cole: Someone ring the police!
Hamilton Holt explodes through a door.
Hamilton Holt: MURDER! Murder most… foul.
Travis: Murder?! How do you know it wasn’t an arts and crafts accident? Who are you anyway?
All (Besides Hamilton Holt and Arty): Yeah!
Hamilton Holt strikes an improvised, ridiculous, and yet somehow charming pose.
Hamilton Holt: I am only the greatest detective in this room! I solved the mystery of the great onion fire of ‘68!
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Cole: You better, there might be a m-m-m-murderer in our midst!
Ethan: I’ll drink to that
Ethan drinks over next line
Darkmurderer: But, who could be capable of such a heinous act?! What demon spawn would kill a gentle soul such as this, the finest maker of wine in the county!? Wont anyone think of the children!?
Ethan finishes his drink, and opens another.
Hamilton Holt: Never fear, sir Darkmurderer, I will surely bring the crook to justice!
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Arty wakes up, sees the body once more, and faints. Hamilton Holt approaches the first suspect: Travis Tea.
Hamilton Holt: Mr Tea. Owner of the Dig It club downtown. You order a lot of… fine wine, correct?
Travis: I do but… It wasn’t me!
Hamilton Holt: I didn’t say you did it. Of course, Mr Tea here has no motive. Why would He kill a supplier of his alcohol?
Ethan: I know I wouldn’t
Hamilton moves to the next suspect: Ethan
Ethan: Hey, -hic- It wadn me
Hamilton Holt: Indeed it wasn’t. Although there could have been some disagreement about the taste of the swill this dead body once made, or some such similar petty dispute, no man in this state could be capable of carrying out the deed.
Darkmurderer: Someone get him a drink! Ha Ha!
Hamilton Holt pushes lightly on Ethan, who is swaying left and right drunkenly. He falls over under the slight nudge. Hamilton Holt then moves to the next suspect: Arty.
Hamilton Holt: And of course, despite the fact that Arty was forced to pay ridiculous catering fees to wine corpse over here for their art installation, their deadly aversion to violence and blood, in particular, would make them unfit for any murder related activities.
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Hamilton Holt moves to the next suspect: Hugh.
Hugh: Stoned, man?
Hamilton Holt: The rock star, with such hits as Moon Under My Fingernail, and The Wind’s High Up. But now, constantly under the influence of some drug or another, and desperately looking for a new thrill: Murder.
Hugh: Stoned, man.
Hamilton Holt: Though, all those drugs have more than eliminated any brain cells that might be able to plan a crime.
Darkmurderer: Well said, sir!
Hugh: Stone-
Hamilton places his hand over Hugh’s mouth as he moves on to the next suspect: Cole.
Cole: Alright! It was me! I did it!
Hamilton narrows his eyes and looks into Cole’s eyes.
Hamilton Holt: You did not commit this murder.
All: *gasps*
Cole: B-but… I did!
Hamilton Holt: You couldn’t have! You have a unique disorder that prevents you from holding scissors!
All: *gasps once more*
Hamilton Holt: The real culprit was…
Hamilton Holt looks over each character in turn, resting at last on Darkmurderer.
Darkmurderer: What? Me? Why would I take the life of an innocent wine connoisseur? I love wine!
Hamilton Holt: Perhaps too much, Darkmurderer. When wine dude down there refused to give you wine, due to the fact that he was sold out of the specific kind you asked for, you killed him with these scissors! And who else, but a man with a PhD in murder, would be able to kill a man?
Darkmurderer: No! You can’t do this! I’m not a murderer!
Darkmurderer makes a break for the door, but Hamilton Holt punches him and he falls, clasping his face.
Hamilton Holt: You’re nicked!
Fin.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 108px
File Size 47.9 kB
Hahahah. Arts and crafts accident XD ya got me.
Reminds me of all the chool plays i took part in years ago XD. I remember my last one, got a main part despite not actually auditioning. Some guy dropped out and my teacher asked me to fill the gap.
We were doing the railway children (with a real steam train because why not) the school caretakers had to build a custom stage across some railway tracks at the steam museum we have over here. That train was late every night for the last scene. (Where a characters dad comes back on the train) i was one of 2 people on stage for it. The two of us had to ad lib for 5 minuites on the first night XD
Reminds me of all the chool plays i took part in years ago XD. I remember my last one, got a main part despite not actually auditioning. Some guy dropped out and my teacher asked me to fill the gap.
We were doing the railway children (with a real steam train because why not) the school caretakers had to build a custom stage across some railway tracks at the steam museum we have over here. That train was late every night for the last scene. (Where a characters dad comes back on the train) i was one of 2 people on stage for it. The two of us had to ad lib for 5 minuites on the first night XD
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