People keep telling me that I'm totally oblivious to their feelings. That's not true at all. I'm just really slow at getting all these tiny, freakishly nuanced cues they make with their faces and tails.

I'm no doctor. I've only ever been at a university once. And they threw me out after me having broken the fifth touch screen. It's called "touch screen" isn't it? And I touch everything. Not my fault if they didn't make it claw safe.

Oh, and people also say I don't care about their property. Then why do they let me borrow it all the time? I borrowed a rake, a microwave and a unicycle last month and until now nobody came to take it back. This means nobody misses it. This means it's mine now.

Laws? What are you talking about? There're no laws against borrowing and keeping unicycles. I ride one to work all day with the microwave as a safety helmet. It works great, but the soup isn't ready in time. If I put it on a higher level my skin gets all hot and dry and my fur starts to fall off.

And I don't want that.

Do you even care about my feelings at all? And what about Jake? Why do you hate him so much? He's never done anything wrong. He's a good boy. Misunderstood, a bit odd, but a good soul of a fox.