You've been thinking about it for weeks, months, maybe even years! You’re just a little prey thing out there in a big bad galaxy, surrounded by the constant reminders that you could be food at any point. All you need to do is go get lost at a club, or encounter the right alien in the rapid transit system, or even just ask the question to your best friend.

Or, you’re a big ol’ predator. Your stomach growls in hunger and lust for those you want to eat. You might have your sights locked on a certain target, hoping to seduce them down your throat and keep them in your gut forever, or maybe you’re looking to ask your significant other if they’ll finally indulge in your desires and let your stomach treat them to a nice acidic spa day.

The galaxy is a massive place, to the point where our existences may feel seemingly insignificant, unimportant. To some, that is just fine, especially to the prey out there who often ponder about being food for some handsome alien out there. But, being eaten can be a scary thing after all. There is so much to consider, so many possibilities. That is the goal of this advice column, to help the intergalactic individuals deal with whatever gastric issues that arises.


There is no other hub of the galaxy like the Citadel where this is exemplified as profusely. One couldn’t walk down the street without seeing some salarian stuffing his gob with a human that was practically begging for a digestive end. Here, the cultures and conglomerations of species from across the galaxy combine, providing many options and issues that can come from this.

My name is DeVoir, and I am here to help you with these issues. You don’t know me, and hopefully you never will. The only thing I can tell you about me is that I love my readers, and hope to work out whatever is best for them, even if that means losing a few to a digestive tract.

Can’t decide what kind of alien you want to be eaten by? Want to know the best way to find a snack in a club? Having relationship discourse concerning the fact that one of you wants to eat the other? It’s my job to help guide you through this, and maybe (most likely) even down the throat of someone you’ve been considering giving your life to for a long time. Simply type your issue to me, and give as many details as you’re comfortable with so that I can help. The benefit of anonymity is that you can tell as much as you’d like, and your stories may help others going through similar things. Being eaten is a huge commitment… being the eater… well that’s less severe, but still, there is a great deal to consider. Such is the unfair divide between predator and prey in the Milky Way.

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For those who haven't seen my journal, I'm starting a new series featuring a column from an enigmatic writer (who is not Leif despite the fact that he's in the thumbnail). Anyway, I'll just copypasta the rules n shizz from my journal here.

Rules:
1.) Try to keep it lore friendly.
There is no reformation in this universe. I have no problem with having lore friendly safe vore things like antacids or tying your string around prey when you swallow them, but adding a reformation mechanic into the mix will kinda break everything XD. Keep in mind that I technically made micro furries canon in some of my stories, they're just rare. :3

Here is a passage from one of my first stories if you don't know the general idea of my AU:
In this universe, humans were introduced to the other races of the galaxy through the mass relays, the intergalactic travel system. They first encountered the turians, acting in fear and firing upon. The humans then entered a war and were easily crushed but the militaristic race due to the fact that their size was abnormally small compared to the rest of the galaxy, standing at 6 inches in comparison. The turians then enslaved the humans, using them as a delicacy food item for many years. For a time, humans lived among the turians as second class citizens as this practice continued. Soon, it became commonplace for the humans to be picked up off the street and swallowed on the spot and humans accepted their role as foodstuffs. The intergalactic council dragged its feet to intervene, not wanting to agitate the turians as well as they enjoyed humans as well. However, they eventually amend various constitutions to make the humans equal again and soon are assimilated into society. Their preylike natures remained ingrained into their minds thanks to turian indoctrination, and are often found throwing themselves at the larger species, hoping to fulfill this instinct.

2.)The don'ts.
No underage stuff. I'm not looking to add that to my universe. It makes me very uncomfortable.

No scat or pooping. I know I have a couple of things in my gallery that feature it but that is not something that I really want to explore in my universe, nor write about ever again.

A lack of consent is illegal in my universe, but it's okay-ish if you don't go like "mmhh love when people are crying and don't want me to eat them," its more of the context, like you're a pred trying to convince the prey you want to eat them. You wouldn't write to an advice columnist basically confessing to murder after all would you?

No overtly sexual things. Vore is a kinky thing for a lot of people, but try to keep it mildly PG. Maybe some references to flirty behavior and stuff is fine but don't be lewd. I don't want to have to make the rating above mature.

Humans are not predators in this world. Kinda ties in with rule 1 but I'll re-establish it here.

3.) The do's.
Despite not including it in any of my stories, I don't mind and occasionally enjoy hard vore. I have no problem in making it canon in my AU. This is hopefully the main reason why I would give these mature ratings.

Fatality is fine. I know that since the digestion in my AU is permanent, it's kinda hard to avoid explicit references to the fact that prey die when you eat them. But I'm kinda giving the green light here for that. Talk about death as much as you'd like. :D Just not to where it's depressing/uncomfortable for everyone Owo.

This advice column is not strictly only vorish, but the theme is meant to be centered around the idea.

Remember that even aliens can be eaten through the magical power of sudden shrinking technology.

4.) Format

Dear DeVoir

Blah blah blah nom nom nom (this keeps going for a couple of paragraphs).

Sincerely, (adjective) from (someplace in the galaxy, like the Terminus systems, or the citadel)

Try to stick to this format if you can. I'm not your high school teacher though, I wont rail on you if you don't adhere to it exactly.

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I'll start taking "e-mails" here in the comments of my submissions and the journal here. If you want to be anonymous completely, then note me your submission. Otherwise, I will credit you in the description.

This is just a fun thing I wanted to do to get me writing again and maybe flesh out this thing I've got going, but I can't keep it up if I don't get comments, so don't be afraid to comment. :D

Special thanks to  JordilianVector for helping me think of the name.