I like this, and, as you said, it is unrevised and raw; that shows.

I think you have the ability to crank out a good line in terms of sound and aesthetics, but something to consider might be a stylistic change in your line length.

At least for me, I like not necessarily a shorter line, but one that can stand alone as its own thought; or, rather, two lines - the first introducing a thought: the second, completing it.

An example from a little poem I wrote once:

"...
Keep me sane,
and my forehead
from the windowpane,
like children
on rainy days
with naught to do
but lounge
and laze.
..."

I don't know if it's clear from that, but I feel that sometimes, shortening your lines into little thoughts, while it really breaks up the sound in a way, it can also... make it clearer, in a backwards sense.

Your lines:

"When this happens you come to mind again and again like a nursery rhyme,"
"And then you will come to mind just one more time like a nursery rhyme."

are so long, in fact, the longest lines in your poem. Because of that, they really stick out. As a reader, I hadn't forgotten about the first one by the time my eyes hit the second, and instead of the pleasant "circle of thought" feeling you were trying to convey, it felt forced and predictable, all because it was just too soon to repeat such a gigantic line with so many syllables. Just something to consider.

*looks up* Sheesh!

I guess I could've just wrote, "I like it." *blushes*

Holy crap I didn't know you wrote poetry! You should do it some more :) It's good