I think this poem has a lot of potential, but I think you're "telling" me too much about what you're trying to say - using elevated metaphors, flowery language, and abstract imagery.

While these things have their place in poetry, they need very special setups. A good idea is to write a bare-bones poem, and then jazz it up with some good sounds and rockin' ideas. Until you can understand the very rudimentary in terms of style and technique, however, you will consistently write poems that appear over-reaching for significance, until, at least, you have a good hold on what a poem needs to feel like.

I like it, but I definitely think you should try and read this out loud for clarity. I think it needs a revision.

I'm definitely excited, however, to see what other work you have within you, and definitely can't wait to see it bloom.

Much Love,
~Spy