This is very, very well written. You should seriously consider starting a novel or something (if you've not already).

You've got a real talent in detail, it was great throughout. I could picture each scene quite vividly. The soul-searching of the main character reminded me of George Orwell's way of writing (1984 to be specific). The theme of a love unreturned is done very well and I could relate to it as I've gone through something similar (Minus turning into a fox-girl). Sorry for posting twice, there's no edit button I don't think, and I look forward to more from you! =D

Thanks very much for the comment--I'm lucky someone actually had something to say!

Your comparison to George Orwell is flattering, but I'm afraid years and years of writing wouldn't allow me to produce anything even half as good as his stuff. (It still brought a smile to my face.)

Honestly, I feel like the writing could be improved, but all of my attempts at doing so recently only made it worse, so I finally caved and posted. It's nice to hear someone say it doesn't completely blow, especially since it's my first work involving anthros.

Again: thank you.

This was really quite good. I'd definitely like to see more from you :3

Usually I write a long list of general comments and criticisms, but with this thing, I honestly think you're at the point where the only thing that would benefit you would be if someone did just like a grammar/spell check and maybe suggested a few wording changes. I mean, you're great. Not exactly my favorite subject matter to read, but I can tell that you've been doing this for a while, because this is high quality stuff.
If you wanted to, I'm sure you could get your writing published somewhere. You should send some of it out, if you haven't already been doing that.

This kind of stuff isn't entirely my bag either, but the story popped into my head and I wrote it as such.

I'm not published, but it feels pretty nice to hear I at least have a shot. And yeah, my grammar and wording are always a struggle, so I'll try and work on that more in the future.

Thank you very much.

As your premier on FA this is certainly a very well composed piece.

My heart ached along with Henry. The sense of time seemed a bit skewed. The story seemed to take years, but in the end it was only a month. I actually found this to be a positive aspect. It just added to how surreal the whole story was.

Although I could gush about the story for several more sentences I would like to make a blatant plug. You should definitely check out the Thursday Prompt's put on by our very own  Poetigress It is a weekly writing exercise intended to keep one's writing muscles in shape. There is a large and supportive community of authors who contribute.

I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome you to FA. I hope you are better about updating regularly than I am, I would love to see more of your work.

I wandered over from the writer's forum crit request thread. *waves hi*

This was a much more enjoyable read than I was expecting, really. You have a way of expressing emotion and describing events that's quite eloquent, even poetic in places. I do think it could use a little more polishing though. There's a fine line between poetic and confusing, and now and again I think it strays towards confusing.

For example, "laughing with this strange mouth that stretches out before my eyes," was a little too strange to me. How does a mouth stretch out before eyes? I realized after reading over it a couple of times that you probably meant to say the way an animal's muzzle is so far in front of where their eyes are, but "before my eyes" usually indicates something that's happening as one watches, clear to one's view. But you can't really see your mouth, not even as a fox, so how would Henry be viewing his/her mouth before his/her eyes?

Anyhow, such minor nit-picks aside I did quite enjoy this.

Thanks for the criticism. I'll try and tone down on the confusion in future writings, at least when I'm writing in this kind of voice. I think that's the kind of thing that'll go away with experience, anyway.

I'm happy to hear it didn't totally suck!

Hee. It not only didn't totally suck, it was quite good! :D It was fun to read.

Absolutely beautiful. This is relatively long for an online short story, but I never felt like it dragged or lingered too long on anything. For a story that focuses so much (though so eloquently) on hopelessness and depression, that's quite impressive. The transformation story is well-done, the love story is unusual in the best possible way, and the combination of the two is fascinating and completely unlike anything else I can think of. This is by far the most beautiful piece of writing I've found on this website. Thank you for letting us read it.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but this is the longest thing I've written thus far. I'm glad you thought it didn't drag--that was probably the thing I worried most over as I wrote it, since, again, I'm not at all used to writing things of such length, and I was afraid the story would come off sounding "whiny." (It's difficult to describe vulnerability from the first person.)

Your comment is very encouraging. :) Thanks much.

Hi! I wandered in from the request-a-crit forum.

I can’t really say much about this piece except for very well done.

You start with a killer opening that plays with the reader’s expectations. Af first we think that they can’t be together because she’s in a relationship. Then you reveal that it’s because she’s not into men. Actually it’s a double reversal of expectation because I wasn’t expecting the characters to be human ;)

There have been very many stories over the years about humans changing or being transformed into furry characters. I have seldom read one as well written as this. The main characters’ actions and reactions were entirely believable from start to finish.

As an aside; I was expecting Chloe to turn into a male fox creature.

Once again, very well done.

Fox XXX

I'm glad to hear you say the reactions were believable, because I was rather worried about that when writing. The fact that they are is...well, nice. Not to mention positive encouragement regarding my writing abilities is rather beneficial to my self-esteem levels.

*ahem*

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. A very generic-sounding thanks, I know, but it's from the heart (or at least the spleen.)

Hello there!

Okay so for me to critique this... would very difficult. I'm not sure exactly to do so. I hate to say your storytelling has sort of enthralled me.

I really can't really find a whole lot that is bad, save a few grammar and spelling mistakes.

This feels like a total cop out, but I'm going to tell you what I liked in this story.

The way you describe emotions is amazing! The meaningless life that Henry has found himself, and the way you describe the bar scenes are wonderful yet sad. I can feel and relate to the pain that grows within the main character.

Your transition to when he turns into the fox seems believable even though it would seem strange. It works and it flows.

Some may disagree but the fact you didn't actually describe the sex scene works for the story. Its more about the myriad of emotions that Henry is going through. I think his loss of identity surpasses the actual sexual act. This is what this story is really about.

The way you wrote the scenes before and after the sex between a female person and a female (once male) anthropomorphic fox could have come off terribly because the scene seems strange BUT you wrote in a way that again seemed believable and interesting. The emotional transformation of Henry feeling like everything was okay even though life had drastically taken quite a u-turn was, again... believable.

I enjoyed this story, not for the "furriness," but for the characters (mainly Henry).

Also I loved your use of italics, pauses, and paragraph breaks. Sometimes those effects can come off tacky, but yours didn't

I love the very end with the report. That was a great way to end the story because it leaves it open and yet there is sense of peace knowing that these characters despite the crazy change, are far happier then they ever were before.

Thank you for sharing your story. :)

As I've mentioned before, the story's believability was at the forefront of my mind the whole time I was writing this. The fact that you found it to be so is very encouraging, so thank you. It's difficult to make fantasy realistic; too often, in my experience, characters either accept things too quickly, or they refuse to believe it's actually happening to the point that I get annoyed. I tried to strike a balance, and I think I succeeded.

I also learned how difficult it is to write a newspaper article-ish thing without making it sound stupid/badly written. (Very hard, as it turned out.)

Thanks for the encouragement. :)

Very superbly written, a good use of characterization again, and good dream building. Very good ideas and presentation of imagery and senses.

I'm gonna agree with MLR, you are quite talented. You understand what's needed for an entertaining plot, proper pacing, believable characters, and good sentence structure. I see other people gave you critique, and I'm always hesitant to do that unless the writer specifically asks for it because... well, some members of FA aren't known for taking criticism very well. *shrugs* The only thing I could suggest, is learning to cut things that don't add anything to your story, which can be a difficult thing to learn. I mean, who really wants to cut apart something that they've spent a great deal of time working on, right? :) If you're curious, I can elaborate. But otherwise, a really good story, and you wrote it very well.

I'm always looking to improve, and quite frankly, I haven't much of a chance of doing it on my own. So please, hack away, if you feel the need.

Editing is hard for me, because I always feel like I haven't written enough...though, then again, that's not exactly a unique position, I'd guess. Like you said, editing's hard for everyone. It's something I definitely need to learn, but there's time for that, I suppose.

But yeah. Thank you very much for the comment/compliments, especially from someone who's so very good at writing.

Self editing is incredibly tough. It takes time and a lot of work to be able to look at your stories subjectively. I learned it by reading a lot, both good stories and bad stories. And what I meant by cutting things that don't add anything to your story, I'll give you an example. The four sentences that open the story. They are very good, and they catch the reader's eye, but they don't really add anything to this story. You can take them out, and the story would still work. You may want to save that opening and use it in another story, cause it is good. Another example, is this part:

I haven’t gotten high with Chloe for a while. So that’s progress, right?

Right?

Is it interesting? Yes. Does it catch the readers attention? Absolutely. But it feels out of place, and doesn't effect the story either way. You can remove it, and the reader wouldn't notice it was gone.

Again, these are just my opinions, and it's always good to evaluate everyone's ideas and figure out what works for you. But I think you have a lot of potential, and you're past the simple problems that most writers have. Just keep at it. Writing takes a lot of practice and hard work, but it's worth it.

And thank you, though I think there are writers who are much better than me. But hey, I'm still trying. :)

Those are some very helpful thoughts. I'll definitely keep them in mind during future writings. Now that I look at that quote, it does seem a bit unnecessary--but what's done is done. The whole first part was supposed to set up the characters, and I confess that I probably went a bit overboard on it. A lot of stuff could've been thrown out, but...well. It's hard, though that's no excuse.

Thanks a lot for taking the time out to critique this. You're very kind.

Well, if you feel the story is worth your time and effort, it's never too late to change things. God knows, I've changed many things on my stories after I've posted them. But the story stands very well on its own, so no need to edit things if you don't want to. You can take all the critique provided here and experiment with things on your next story. And thank you for the watch back. It's greatly appreciated.