If you were to stand next to your past self, how would it go? What would it be like? What's changed?


__________________


Not a whole lot's changed, atleast, on the surface. I've gotten fuzzier, bigger of course,
but that's honestly it. If I could still wear the same faded red hoodie I had when I was
14, I would be, but it got lost somewhere in a bunch of moves from house to house through
my time. Though, I got another one a few years ago, so technically nothing's changed
in my head c:

Inside, however... maaaaan, what a.. ride it's been.


Long (very long) story short, I was quite a miserable teen in all honesty. Cynical, lonely,
sociopath even. I didn't hate people, but they never liked me either. Everything was
always some purgatorial middle ground, in a sense. I never had it the worst, but I didn't
have it the best either. I just didn't want to feel alone, and that's all I ever really felt like
I had to acquaint and accept as a part of my life early on.

I wasn't bullied much, but I was put down enough to never really want to speak up
for much at all. My parents had their own issues, but while they didn't fight or yell, they
were always too focused on silently resenting each other. Unfortunately, I was a
target for their built up frustrations, more often than not. Sooo.. put downs in school, and put downs
at home. Yep. Nothing outrageous like physical abuse, or being beaten up in school, but.. eh.
Just.. alot of abrasiveness. Leave a rock in a river long enough, and it'll wear down into nothing, y'know?

A lot of this passive abrasiveness I experienced through my time led to feeding and
raising this hollowness inside me, and as a result, I was quite limited to feeling for much
at all in general for anyone, or myself. I was extremely numb all around. Piece it all
together, and it doesn't take much to see and understand that I wasn't able to function
entirely like a human being, really.

This affected all parts of my life.




Let's fast forward to today~



I've learned alot, and I've cried alot of tears that I never got to cry specially in the
last two years. Life is still a confusing blur to me, I still suffer quite alot in loneliness, but
many emotions in me have made many strides forward c,:





~Now, I'm no prodigy artist, I promise you that.. but I doodled this thing up for fun,
as I thought it'd be nice to imagine seeing myself from before compared to today.

Like my doodle shows here; I've grown a bit (I'm still a fairly small guy lol), got a
bit more fuzzy in the face, but I didn't really seem to change a whole lot.

What I see here in this imagined scenario/doodle of mine here, however,
is a world of a difference.



-gasp-

...I have a lil' happiness on m'face.