-Start Rant-

Ever regretted something you've done, whether it was for better or worse, for your benefit or not? For the past couple of days...weeks even, I've been having a difficult time keeping my emotions under control, because of something I created; an alternate personality that I relied on when things got too stressful or overbearing. No, I'm not crazy, I'm not demented, and I'm not schizo. Sometimes when things just get too much, you have to do something to cope, am I right? For me, I used to shove those emotions to the side. I hated showing weakness; all it was was more ammunition for other to use against me. Over time, I realized that those emotions haunted me, would follow me, not allowing me to forget that they were still there.

You know how you have that little voice in your head that tells you whether something is right or wrong? Well mine tried to encourage me to do or say the bad things that crossed my mind during certain situations. Those emotions had slowly developed into their own little personality, their own way of thinking. For the most part she's obnoxious, annoying, and a flat out bitch, but at the same time she's what makes me strong when things come crashing down around me. Sort of like the Army's motto 'Suck it up and drive on'.

Kind of funny when you think about it; how can simple emotions develop into something like that? Haha, wish I knew...maybe then I could reverse or get rid of her. Then again shes been with me since I was 12...you just don't get rid of a part of you that you so desperately need. Then again, right now I wish this part of me didn't exist. She's been making my emotions go haywire, and all I've felt lately is anger, fustration, selfishness, and hate. I don't want to feel like this. I hate it. I've always prided myself on being a kind, generous person, because its rare these days to find someone who doesn't care only for themselves or have their own needs above others'.

Shes gotten so bad, that I've had to tell my mate to stop calling me, for fear of lashing out at him and hurting him...I don't want to lose, chase, or drive away the one person I love and need to go on. He in his own right mind is scared that I'm going to leave him...baby, its far from that...I need you....need you so much it tears me apart to sit here alone and not be able to lean on you. You have no idea just how much you being here would help me...

I really need to take care of this issue...she says I don't need anyone, but she's wrong...after all, she's made of nothing but negative emotions and hurt from every bad experience in my past, and trust me, its a lot. I'm scared she's going to completely take me over, and unfortunately fear is something else she's made of.

No, like I said, I'm not psychotic. I'm actually quite sane; I just have a few more issues to deal with than your average person. I hold to much in, which is why I'm in this predicament in the first place. This is just my way of try to rectify this entire thing.

-End Rant-