Ribbon, an overweight and sweet-obsessed reindeer, felt there wasn't a place in the North Pole for someone of his weight, until Santa assigns him a job that perfectly fits his fat and lazy lifestyle: as a literal cookie disposal. It looks like he'll be getting more than a few sweets this Christmas...

Kicking off the new year with two back-to-back uploads, this being the first. I wanted to upload this before, you know, Christmas, but I slacked off a bit. Better late than never, I guess...

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Ribbon sighed as he gazed out his window on Christmas morning. The reindeer was heartbroken he couldn’t be apart of Santa’s sleigh, so much so he didn’t get any sleep last night. He watched the falling snow with melancholy, reaching for a cookie with his free hoof. He wanted to be up there with the stars, helping Santa deliver gifts to good children all over the globe, seeing sights outside the North Pole. Alas, life was a cruel beast, even for magical reindeer.

Ribbon stuck his hand in the cookie jar again, only to come up empty. He blushed; of course he’d eat an entire cookie jar in one morning. He cradled his bloated belly, which now stuck out an extra inch. It depressed him just thinking about how fat he was. No matter how hard he tried, he could never get himself into shape, and even when he did his intense sugar cravings eventually undid all his progress and then some. He wanted to help Santa out, but what meaningful work could a fat reindeer like himself possibly do?

Suddenly, a loud roar sounded through the North Pole. Looking up, Ribbon was just in time to watch Santa descend with his trusty crew. Santa landed his sleigh, skidding across the ice for a couple hundred feet before screeching to a stop in front of his home. The fat man jumped from his sleigh, unhooking his reindeer one by one. As soon as they were freed, the reindeer began panting excessively, limping towards the nearest source of water or simply collapsing on the floor. Ribbon watched the scene with envy, wishing he could’ve rode with Santa this Christmas Eve.

Ribbon left his cabin, pretending he was taking an early stroll. In truth, he was staring at Santa, watching as he dragged a stuffed bag from his sled. He took it behind his home, vanishing from Ribbon’s sight. The reindeer desperately wanted to follow him, but also didn’t want to raise suspicion. He walked the other way, stargazing to keep himself occupied. After a while, he turned his head around, watching as Santa unloaded his satchel into a chute in the ground. He stared with curiosity, wondering what Santa could possibly be doing.

Santa looked up for a moment, making eye contact with Ribbon. Flustered, Ribbon dipped his head, causally drawing in the snow with his hooves. When he looked up, he saw Santa motioning him over with a wave of his gloved hand. Ribbon blushed deep red. He wished he could run away and save himself the shame, but he couldn’t bring himself to disobey Santa. With his head hanging low, he trotted towards Santa until they were face to face.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Ribbon,” Santa said as he poured his giant satchel down the chute. “I know you followed me here for a reason.”

Ribbon gasped. “Y-you remember my name?”

Santa let out his signature, hearty laugh. “Of course I do. I couldn’t forget any of you. All of you hold a special place in my heart.”

Ribbon was flattered by Santa’s words, but also felt incredibly guilty. What was he thinking, stalking such a nice, pure man? “I’m sorry for following you out here,” Ribbon said with a whine. “I-I just saw you coming down, and I got curious, and-”

“That’s quite alright,” Santa interrupted. “I can tell you’ve been waiting for me all night.” He stopped what he was doing, kneeling down and stroking Ribbon’s caramel-brown fur. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Ribbon’s heart fluttered at Santa’s touch. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Santa, but welling up his feelings would make things worse in the long run. “It sounds silly, but I really wanted to be apart of your sleigh this year.”

Santa shook his head. “That’s not silly at all. Lots of reindeer want to be apart of my sleigh. I wish I could take all of them with me, but there’s many other tasks to be done around here. Pulling my sleigh takes a lot of work and effort. You need to be born for this kind of work, especially since competition is so fierce.”

Ribbon sighed. He fully expected his answer, but that didn’t make it easier to hear. “I kind of figured as much.” He looked away. “I just wanted to help out for once, but it seems all I’m good at is sitting on my butt and eating sweets all day. I don’t think I’ll ever do anything meaningful around here, especially since I’m so, well, you know….”

Santa pouted. He lifted Ribbon’s chin, looking straight into his eyes. “You know you’re talking to the fattest man in the North Pole, right? And look at all that I’ve accomplished. You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself for who you are. Trust me, I know you’re going to do big things around here.”

Ribbon chocked on his words, not sure how he could even respond to something so heartwarming. He couldn’t help tearing up. Santa gladly wiped the tears from his eyes, giving him a pure, nonjudgmental smile.

An elf walked out of the nearby post office carrying a giant stack of envelopes, catching Santa’s attention. “Actually, now that you’re here… Rick, come here a second!” Santa shouted. The elf walked over to him, and Santa began thumbing through the envelopes. “Rex, Rey, Rezzy, Ria, ah!” He pulled out an envelope and returned to Ribbon, holding it out for him. “I might as well hand deliver your job assignment.”

Ribbon’s eyes bulged. “Job assignment!?” He snatched the envelope, ripping it open with his teeth. When he scanned the letter, his enthusiasm took a steep dive. “C-cookie disposal?”

Santa smiled warmly. “It doesn’t sound exciting, I know, but every job has its importance. I want you to be optimistic going into this. Can you do that for me?”

Ribbon smiled back. “Yeah! I’ll be sure to give it my best!”

Santa chuckled heartily. “That’s the Christmas spirit, Ribbon!” He heaved his satchel, resuming his task.

Ribbon realized he still hadn’t figured out what Santa was doing. “Hey Santa? If you don’t mind me asking, what are you pouring down that chute?”

Santa laughed again. “Oh, what a coincidence! These are the cookies that you’re going to dispose.”

Ribbon cocked his head. “But if you have all the cookies in one place, why don’t you just dispose of them yourself?”

Santa smiled. “It’ll all make sense when you get started on your job, so you better get going.”

“I will! Thanks, Santa!” Ribbon skipped through the snow with a broad smile on his face. It seemed he’d be helping out this Christmas after all.

The sun had fully risen now, though it was invisible behind the puffy clouds. It was snowing on the North Pole, just as it did every day. Reindeer and elves, in no rush to get anywhere, played in the snow and admired the scenery. Of to the right, younger reindeer were building snowmen and starting snowball fights. To the other side, a huge circle was cleared out in the snow, serving as an ice rink for reindeer to make figure eights and play hockey with their hooves. Ribbon chuckled at the wholesome sight. A part of him wished he could relieve his younger days, when he had no care or worry in the world, but he was an adult now. He had an important task ahead of him.

Ribbon pranced his way to work, occasionally stopping to kick the snow and lick the snowflakes that came near his face. He eventually came across a ginormous building that looked more like a factory than an office building; it was even larger than Santa’s workshop. Ribbon wasn’t sure what part of “Cookie Disposal” required so much space, but he wouldn’t find out standing here and staring.

He kicked open the double doors with his hooves, his jaw dropping as he walked inside his new workplace. The lobby was huge, about ten stories tall and a football field wide. Nearly every inch of it was littered with Christmas decorations, be it ornaments or wreaths or bells. It even had its own Christmas tree, stretching as high as the ceiling and wider than Santa’s sleigh, fitted with more ornaments than he’d seen in his entire life. It seemed excessive for a factory, but it gave Ribbon a warm, fuzzy feeling.

After five minutes of waiting in line, Ribbon arrived at the receptionist, where he gave his name. A reindeer soon popped out of an adjacent door. “Ribbon?” he called out in a deep tone. “Follow me this way, please.”

Ribbon approached the dark-brown reindeer, shaking his extended hoof. “I’m Clide, in charge of most everything at Cookie Disposal Corporation. Nice to meet you, Ribbon. As you’re new here, I’ll make sure your transition is smooth and painless. Your room’s a bit far out, but just bare with me.”

As soon as Ribbon entered the hallway, his Christmas spirit deflated. The walls and ceilings were painted plain white, and the floor was a simple checkered marble. There might have been a mistletoe or wreath every so often, but overall it was a significant downgrade from the extravagant lobby. “Why is it so bare over here?”

Clide whipped his head back. “We never got around to decorating around here when building this place, and since its been several decades like this, we figured we might as well leave it as is. Besides, with how long it stretches out, it would be more hassle than its worth.”

For nearly ten minutes, the pair continued along the monotonous hallway, the only change in pace coming from the occasional ninety degree turns. Ribbon felt a bit creeped out, as if he were in an asylum or abandoned hospital. By the time they came to his door, he was sweating from head to hoof, though Clide seemed just fine. Ribbon blushed at how out of shape he was. Hopefully some heavy work would help him slim up a bit.

Clide opened the door, motioning Ribbon to go through first. As Ribbon walked inside, his eyes widened. The room was huge, about as big as a classroom, made even larger by its lack of furniture. All that was in the room was a wide, metallic container and a large display at the end of the room. Like the hallways, there were hardly any decorations, save for some string hung across the ceiling. Ribbon felt a bit of unease. “I’m confused – what am I supposed to be doing, exactly?”

Clide walked to the machine and tugged at its side. “I’m sure you’re aware of the Christmas tradition of leaving milk and cookies for Santa, right? It’s sweet and all, but it leaves a lot of leftover cookies. Santa was in a predicament, since he can’t possibly eat all of them himself but didn’t want to disappoint those who put their heart and soul into baking cookies for him, until he decided on another means of ‘disposal’.” With a strong tug, Clide pulled a large nozzle from the machine and began unraveling a long, translucent tube.

Ribbon’s eyes bulged. “So, when the letter said my job was ‘Cookie Disposer’, it meant it literally, as in I’m supposed to dispose them in my gut?”

Clide smiled. “Glad you caught on quick.”

Ribbon began sweating. “I thought by ‘Cookie Disposer’, I’d be shoveling cookies into a furnace or something.”

Clide chuckled. “Yeah, I always thought the job description was a bit vague. What a relief though, right?”

Ribbon thought otherwise. He wanted to get slimmer this Christmas, after all, not encourage his bad habits. “B-but there’s no way this is the most optimal way to do this! Can’t you just throw them away?”

“And contribute to the ever-growing problem of food waste?”

Ribbon gulped. “What about burning them?”

“That would release a ton of fumes, and we wouldn’t want to pollute the North Pole, right?” Clide sighed; it was common for employees to put up resistance to their new job. “Like I said earlier, we’ve been operating for several decades now. You’re right, there might be a better way to do this, but why change what works well? Besides, some reindeer even end up liking it. Are you worried about gaining weight or something?”

Ribbon frowned, circling his hooves on the floor. “I mean, yeah, but honestly, I feel a bit offended. It’s like the best job Santa had for me is being a living trash can. I just wanted to do some serious work.”

Clide turned around. “Serious work? You’re in the North Pole – half of us build toys for a living! I know this job seems ludicrous, even a bit unnecessary, but you just have to change your perspective on it. Think of it like you’re being Santa, except instead of doing all the hard work like climbing down chimneys and fitting presents under too-small Christmas trees, all you have to do is gobble down cookies. Fun, right?”

Now that Ribbon thought about it, he was probably just going to devour another jar of cookies when he got home. This way, at least he could say he’d be doing it for a decent cause. Just because Santa didn’t give him a work-intensive job doesn’t mean he didn’t care about him. In fact, maybe it showed he cared about him even more – who wants to do actual work after all? This didn’t seem so bad after all. “Alright. So how many cookies are we talking about here? A dozen? A dozen dozen?”

Clide hesitated. “Well, since we have fifty billion cookies in surplus and about a hundred thousand reindeer working right now… I’d say around fifty thousand cookies each.”

“F-fifty thousand!?” Ribbon screamed. “How am I supposed to-”

“Relax,” Clide interrupted. “It’s not as bad as you think. The feeding will be largely pain free, with few if any stomach aches. Afterwards, we’ll give you a couple weight loss pills that will help you slim down to your current weight, maybe even slimmer, but it’ll be a week before you’ll be able to leave this room.”

“A week!?” Ribbon yelled. He gulped as he looked around the spacious room, imagining himself as a giant blob of fat, covering nearly the entire space around him, beached for an entire week. Sweat streamed down his forehead, his anxiety kicking into overdrive.

“Don’t worry. It’ll go by faster than you think.” Clide approached Ribbon with a hose in one hoof. “You have every right to back out, but if you decide to continue, you’ll be doing an important service for Santa, no matter how crazy or insulting it may seem. There will only be about an hour of eating and a week of recovery, and afterwards you can prance away happy, knowing you did something to help Santa out this year. What do you say?”

Ribbon certainly didn’t want to turn into a blob, no matter how temporary it was. Still, he did want to help Santa out, and this job was practically made for someone as gluttonous as him. If he turned this down, he may never get a better opportunity to work. Plus, if he did end up slimmer after all this, he’d have a better chance of joining Santa’s sleigh next year. “W-well, I do love chocolate chip cookies...”

Clide smiled. “Glad to have you on board!” He slid the hose in Ribbon’s mouth, strapping it tight with leather binds. After ensuring the nozzle was secured, he pointed his hoof towards the large display mounted to the wall. “That’ll tell you how many cookies you’ve eaten so far,” he explained. “You’ll be fed around a dozen cookies a second, which sounds like a lot, but you’ll hardly feel a thing. I still have to get a few more reindeer situated, so its going to be a couple minutes before the machine starts. Try to have fun; it’ll go faster that way.” Clide left the room, closing the door behind him.

Ribbon breathed slowly, unable to believe he talked himself into this. Sure, he’d occasionally binged, but he never ate anywhere close to fifty thousand cookies in one sitting. The feat sounded daunting, but honestly he was as excited as he was scared. He finally got to help Santa out this year, and at the same time doing the thing he loved most, all while losing weight in the long term. This might be the best Christmas yet.

Suddenly, the machine whirled to life. Dozens of cookies shot up the tube, zooming towards Ribbon. He felt his heart beat rapidly, preparing himself for the worst. The first dozen cookies made their way inside his mouth, sliding down his throat as quickly as they arrived. Cookies continued streaming down his throat with no chewing or effort on his part. It felt more like drinking water than actually eating, if that water tasted like some of the best chocolate chip cookies he ever had. Originating from billions of homes across the globe, each cookie had their own distinguishable taste, meaning his taste buds were never bored. These humans sure knew how to cook.

The display began counting, soon climbing into triple digits. Ribbon gulped; he ate more cookies in seconds than he did in an entire week. Looking down, Ribbon saw his stomach bulge out inch by inch. The rest of his body became coated by minute layers of pudge, most notably in his rounding rear.

A minute into eating, the display read over a thousand cookies. His stomach bulged half a foot in front of him, and his limbs felt weak and flabby. He was no longer the chubby reindeer he once was; he outweighed even Santa now. He estimated his gains at about a hundred pounds so far. Since he was a fiftieth into the feeding, that meant he’d be around two and a half tons heavier after all of this. Ribbon blushed; he was going to be one fat reindeer.

As the feeding trekked on, Ribbon constantly diverted his attention between the display and his body. His stomach now looked like a giant beach ball, inching closer and closer to the floor. His face started to round, his chins multiplying into two and his cheeks inflating to the size of baseballs. His neck was so fat it grew its own rolls and folds. His rear blimped into two giant balls, which clanged against each other whenever he did so much as move a hoof. He was well past obese, slowly creeping into morbid obesity, though he oddly wasn’t terrified by all this. The weight was only temporary after all, and the cookies tasted just as good as they did a couple thousand cookies ago.

Ribbon looked up, surprised to find the counter already reached five digits. He was twelve minutes in, a fifth of the way done. His stomach touched the ground, spilling into a large mass that spread apart his trunk-sized thighs. His butt stretched nearly as wide as his gut, each cheek almost as large as a cauldron, Weighing half a ton, every inch of his body was covered in fat; even his tail looked a bit bulgier. Immobility seemed right around the corner, but Ribbon wasn’t concerned. In fact, he almost encouraged it; he was getting a bit tired of standing up.

After a half-hour of nonstop eating, the display read twenty-five thousand cookies, marking the halfway point of Ribbon’s enormous binge, though Ribbon was too focused on his body to notice. He swelled well past immobility, with a belly so large it acted as a personal water bed. His limbs were stretched out across his expansive stomach, so heavy they were impossible to lift. Ribbon wasn’t concerned about his excessive weight in the slightest. His fat kept him warm and insulated, and it was comfortable to rock around in. This was turning out to be the best job he ever had; he had to do absolutely nothing but eat cookies and laze about, and he’d be taken care of for a full week after this. It was so easy, in fact, that Ribbon swore there must be a catch somewhere.

The counter climbed to thirty thousand, then forty thousand. Ribbon’s reindeer form was rapidly losing its definition. His legs sank into his stomach flab, leaving only his hooves sticking out. His neck was so bloated it was hard to determine where it ended and where his stomach began. His body measured ten-feet wide, able to completely smoother Santa’s sleigh. If it weren’t for his antlers, he’d merely look like a giant pile of light brown blubber.

When Ribbon got the nerve to look up, he was flabbergasted. He was a hundred cookies short of fifty thousand, which meant his fattening was nearly over. Ribbon felt relieved, more for the room’s sake than his own. He stretched twelve feet across, leaving only around six-feet between him and the room’s walls. Weighing over twenty times his former weight, he was more blob than reindeer. While he definitely preferred his slimmer form, he admitted his blobby form had its own perks. It’d be easy to spend an entire week like this.

He watched as the display climbed to 49,950, 49,999, then… 50,100. Ribbon wondered why the machine hadn’t stopped yet, but figured the quota was probably a bit over 50,000. In the meantime, he watched his body blow up, still in shock that over fifty thousand cookies were stuffed inside.

When Ribbon looked at the display once again, he frowned grumpily; he was five thousand cookies over quota. Clide’s estimate must have been off slightly. Ribbon wasn’t too bothered, but it would’ve been nice to have been notified before hand. Looking around, he noticed the room looked even more cramped than before. If he grew any fatter, there wouldn’t be any space for anyone to walk around him.

Five minutes later, Ribbon’s annoyance morphed into panic. He’d eaten sixty thousand cookies, twenty percent over his assigned quota, and the machine was still pumping. He measured sixteen-feet wide now, leaving a foot gap between him and the walls. Ribbon began sweating, and not just from his fat. He wasn’t supposed to be filling the entire room, right?

Suddenly, Ribbon heard a loud crack. He let out a muffled shriek as he looked ahead; the display was cracked, smothered between the wall and his stomach. There was no doubt now: something was very, very wrong. Ribbon whimpered as he began to fill the room. He felt no pain after a full hour of eating, but now his entire body ached as it begged to burst out of its boundaries. Even as he heard the concrete around him crack, the machine refused to slow down or stop. What could possibly be going on?

~

Clide whistled as he made his way to the control room. It had been an hour since he booted the factory’s mainframe, which was supposed to feed all of Cookie Disposal Corporation’s hundred thousand employees simultaneously. If everything went according to plan, the underground cookie vat should be nearly empty by now. He walked inside the control room, slumping on the chair in front of the control panel. After entering in a few passwords, he was granted access to the entire cookie feeding system. He opened up the cookie vat manager, fully expecting there to be at most a few thousand cookies left.

His jaw dropped; hardly a dent had been made in the cookie surplus. He berated himself for not checking up on it before hand, though in his defense, it was easy to slack off when everything had been going well for so long. No matter; it wasn’t that big of a problem, or so he thought. He opened up the employee management window, only to be stumped again when he saw all green lights; all the feeding machines were on and working as intended, but they didn’t seem to be extracting any cookies. That left only one possibility: there was a problem with the code itself.

Clide opened up the IDE and let out a loud groan. By the looks of it, a large portion of the code was rewritten.

Another reindeer walked into the control room, taking a seat next to his coworker. “What’s up, Clide?”

“Did you know the code was rewritten?” he replied, not bothering to take his eyes off the screen.

“Yeah, apparently it was so bad it made expanding it practically impossible or something, so they decided to basically write the whole thing from scratch. It’s supposedly a lot cleaner now.”

Clide rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s great and all, but someone screwed up the code and now the reindeer aren’t being fed properly.” Clide scrolled through the code for ten minutes without making much progress. He half-regretted not shutting the system down before beginning his troubleshooting, but then remembered how much of a hassle it was to restart the system last time he had to shut it down.

Clide let out an a-ha. “Someone messed up the function for starting up the threads. Instead of running simultaneously, they’re all going in a chain, which means only one thread is running at a time, slowing the system to a snail’s pace.”

His coworker raised an eyebrow. “A small mistake like that is what screwed up the entire system?”

Clide chuckled. “Ah, the curse of coding. Luckily, the reverse is also true; by changing a couple lines of code, the entire system should soon be up and running.” After fixing the error, he re-compiled the entire code and updated the patched code to the mainframe. It should take only five minutes for it to receive the revised code, and then everything should be smooth sailing. Clide leaned back, relieved he was able to easily fix the problem.

However, when Clide’s eyes drifted back to the cookie vat manager, he noticed something fishy. One of the reindeer had consumed over seventy thousand cookies, though that should be impossible since each reindeer was only supposed to be assigned one thread. Clide sat up, continuing down the code. His eyes bulged when he found yet another error, this one much more drastic than the last.

Clide’s coworker looked concerned. “What is it this time?”

Clide felt his heart pump rapidly. “In this loop that was supposed to assign a different thread to each reindeer, instead of passing the loop variable ‘x’ through the function, it passed ‘ex’ instead, which is a static variable in the code… All of the threads are being assigned to only one reindeer! When the code updates, all of them are going to go off at the same time, skyrocketing the rate of feeding, and when that happens… I better fix this before-”

A loud beep rang through the room, causing both reindeer to shield their ears. “Why do crashes always have to be so loud!?” Clide’s coworker screamed. Clide tried to shake the mouse, only to find the pointer wouldn’t move. He had no choice then but to shut down the entire system. He pounded the off button, but nothing happened. He pressed it again and again, but the system refused to shut off. It seemed the program crashed so hard it froze the entire control panel! He gulped, realizing there was nothing he could do to stop the impending fat explosion.

~

Sweat drenched every inch of Ribbon’s immense body. The walls were quickly crumbling around the blubbery reindeer. His head banged against the ceiling, his stomach made dents in the floor, his rear pushed the back wall. It seemed the entire room would collapse at any second. However, just at the brink of destruction, the machine suddenly stopped.

Ribbon opened his eyes, hardly able to believe it was actually over. Soon enough, it was apparent it actually wasn’t over, not in the slightest. He could still hear the machine running, growing louder by the second. Ribbon panicked, realizing there must be a huge buildup. Instead of stopping, the machine was actually getting faster.

A stream of cookies rocketed up the tube at blistering fast speeds, over a hundred thousand times the pace Ribbon was used too. His growth escalated to catastrophic degrees. Within a blink of an eye, he burst out of the room and began spilling down the hallway and into adjacent rooms. He doubled his size in less than a second, and doubled it again before the second was up, stretching over fifty feet wide before he knew what hit him. Ribbon was helpless to do anything but look in horror as his body took in over a million cookies a second, blimping out of control.

The factory issued an emergency evacuation, but at that point most of the employees had already fled; the bombastic noise Ribbon created was a pretty effective alarm on its own. He quickly reached the size of houses, then mansions, then entire supermarkets. He soon reached a thousand feet wide, his flab quickly overtaking the several dozen acres of factory. He spilled into the main lobby, tearing down the festive decorations and obliterating the now comically small Christmas tree. His body ached once again as his bulk pushed against the concrete walls of the factory.

A bang louder than a thousand jets taking off at once rang through the entire North Pole as Ribbon burst out of the factory. Every reindeer and elf turned towards the noise, their faces draining when they noticed a factory-sized blob bulldozing towards them. The once peaceful pole screamed and ran for their lives. Reindeer took off for the sky, carrying whatever elves and animals they could find.

A group of reindeer frantically raced to Santa’s house, banging their hooves on his door. Santa went to see what all the commotion was about. “What’s going-” He froze when he looked out of his window to see a mountainous pile of brown overrunning the North Pole in an avalanche of fat. “Hurry, get everyone off the ground!” Two reindeer helped carry Santa towards the sky while another lifted Mrs. Claus. The rest flew off to help the remaining elves.

Santa’s heart sank as he watched the rapid destruction of the North Pole. Everything he worked so hard towards – the toy factory, his magical sleigh, his own home – was being destroyed before his eyes. More than the pole, he pitied the poor reindeer who had to endure all of this. Buildings could always be rebuilt, but reindeer weren’t as fortunate.

A tearful Clide flew to Santa’s side. “I’m sorry Santa, this is all my fault,” he cried. “I was careless and thought I had everything under control, but then a problem popped up, and when I tried to fix it, I created this disaster.”

Santa nodded understandingly. “It’s alright, Clide. Everyone makes mistakes. It wasn’t your fault the consequences were so tragic...” Santa sighed. Half of the entire North Pole was now obscured by Ribbon’s immense bulk, and it didn’t seem like he’d stop growing any time soon. “Clide, how many cookies did we have left over again?”

~

Ribbon sniffled as he wobbled in his unfeasibly massive body. He finished devouring the entire cookie vat, leaving him as a blob that measured dozens of miles across. His fat covered the entire North Pole and then some, becoming its own brown island. The North Pole, which had been standing for centuries, had been completely demolished in less than an hour, leaving behind a mountainous pile of lard as a consolation prize. He teared up, thinking about how he’d never join Santa’s sleigh now, or do anything useful.

Ribbon froze upon hearing thick boots step across his flab. Lifting his head, he smiled excitedly. “Santa!” he screamed. He wagged his tail excitedly, but since it was long buried, all it did was cause his titanical rear to wobble about.

Santa knelt, rubbing the top of Ribbon’s bloated head. “Oh Ribbon… I’m so sorry this happened to you. There was a mistake at the cookie disposal. Instead of all reindeer getting their fair share of cookies, all fifty billion plus cookies were directed to you instead.”

Ribbon looked around him, stunned there were billions of cookies stuffed inside him. He couldn’t even see the horizon beyond his enormous figure, but he figured it stretched several dozen times farther than he could see. “Is everyone alright? I hope I didn’t hurt many reindeer.”

“Actually, everyone managed to get out okay, thanks to all the reindeer to pitched in to help. Of course, none of the homes or buildings survived.” Santa sighed; he hated being the bearer of bad news. “We’re going to have to rebuild the entire North Pole, but we have no land to build on. No land… except for you.”

Ribbon’s ears drooped. “So you’re going to build on top of me? But that means – I’ll never go back to normal?”

Santa shook his head sadly. “If I could have it any other way I would, but the weight loss pills are long gone as well. Human civilization has swallowed up every corner of the world; even Antarctica is a popular research and tourist hub.”

Ribbon couldn’t fight the tears streaming down his face. He had so many ambitions, but all of them were shattered in a single day, the day that was supposed to be the most magical day of the year.
He was no better than a plot of land now; he never felt more useless in his life.

Santa couldn’t bear to see any of his reindeer upset. He wiped off Ribbon’s tears. “Ribbon, I know this will be hard for you to accept. No reindeer deserves to go through this. Think of it this way: you’re going to be the most important reindeer in the entire North Pole. You’ll literally be the foundation of the new pole. We take land for granted, but I never realized how much we needed it until it was gone. Right now, everyone needs you more than ever. I know you have a strong will Ribbon, so please, can you try to pull through for us?”

Slowly but surely, Ribbon’s eyes began to dry. Santa had a way of romanticizing even the most mundane things, but he admitted there was truth in his words. He never considered how essential of a role he’d play; Santa’s sleigh could always be refitted, but no one could replace him. Ribbon always strove to help Santa out in any way he could, and this would be the biggest role assigned to him yet. He cracked a small smile. “I… I guess it could always be worse.”

Santa smiled warmly. “That’s the Ribbon I know.” He stood up, turning around to address the crowd gathered around him. “We have a lot of work ahead of us, so we should get started as soon as possible. First things first, I want all the reindeer and elves to go to the nearest forest and gather as much wood as they can carry...”

~

Rebuilding the entire North Pole on top of a living blob wasn’t an easy feat. For starters, Ribbon’s soft texture and sea-like motions were radically different than hard ice. The builder elves had to meticulously build against every fold and curve of his body. Plus, his body constantly wobbled, meaning they had to practically glue furniture to the floor to prevent it from immediately falling over. Elves and reindeer were constantly getting sick from the constant rocking of Ribbon’s body, and for a while it seemed like the North Pole would never be rebuilt. However, over the course of several months, these problems seemed to solve themselves. Building gradually became easier as elves developed more efficient techniques, and symptoms of nausea disappeared after only a few months of exposure. After these hurdles were crossed, progress towards reconstructing the North Pole increased exponentially.

It was Christmas once again, marking a full year from the unfortunate incident at Cookie Disposal Corporation. Most of the important buildings have been successfully rebuilt, including Santa’s trusty workshop. Notably lacking, however, was housing for the elves and reindeer, but shelter wasn’t nearly as important as it once was. In the past, it was mostly used to shield against the cold, but Ribbon’s fat turned out to be an excellent source of warmth and comfort. It wasn’t uncommon to see reindeer snuggling into Ribbon’s folds for the night, using his lard as a thick blanket.

Reindeer went about their daily lives as usual, except now there seemed to be a lot more play than work. Ribbon was practically his own amusement park, functioning as a trampoline, bean bag, and mattress to say the least. Even the simple act of walking was infinitely more fun when you had a comfy cushion at every step. On a whole, everyone on the North Pole gained more than they lost, and they were soon about to gain a lot more.

Santa greeted Ribbon with a cheerful smile. “It’s that time of year again, Ribbon. How are you holding up?”

Ribbon smiled. He was accustomed to these weekly checkups, but his heart fluttered every time the big man in red came over to chat. “Fine, mostly, except I’m kind of getting hungry again. I only ate a half hour ago.”

Santa let out a hearty chuckle. “Well, you won’t worry about going hungry for a while, Ribbon,” Santa replied, patting the stuffed satchel at his side. “This year, I’ve decided I’m going to feed all the cookies I gathered to you last night, intentionally this time.”

Ribbon’s eyes bulged. “A-another fifty billion cookies!? But then I’ll only get bigger!”

“Yes, which means more land for us to build on. You’ve been such a big help to us lately. Everyone loves you, Ribbon, and we’d all be grateful if you helped us out.”

The answer was obvious to Ribbon. Everyone had been so good to him lately. He was being fed hundreds of thousands of tons of sweets by the hour and getting special talks for Santa. Heck, even the reindeer constantly walking across him served as mini massages. He didn’t have to lift a hoof the entire year, and was encouraged for being a lazy, gluttonous reindeer. He had nothing to lose by accepting Santa’s offer, and would get a lot more sweets than usual. It was a win-win for everyone.

Ribbon smiled. “Gladly, Santa! Not like anyone else could stomach so many cookies.”

Santa chuckled, kneeling down to wrap the bag’s opening around Ribbon’s muzzle. “I’m proud of you for holding up so well, Ribbon. This turned out be the best year ever in terms of morale, productivity… well everything, really, and it was all thanks to you.” Ribbon teared up, honored to be praised so highly. This was the best Christmas yet.