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Fugue State
Thursday Prompt story
© 2018 by Walter D. Reimer
Prompt: occurrence
Nostrils flared, drinking in the deep mixture of three mingled musks. Her own was – well, her own; she’d been aware of it since puberty, at least. Varan’s was heavier, yet sharper. The third caused her to stir slightly, the fragrance still not quite familiar to her.
Kiran, yes, and her mind affixed the kam’s name to the smell, like putting a label on a jar. The usual sulfur-rich scent of the Kashlani was there, naturally, along with an almost floral note that amused her still-sleeping mind. Kami smelled like flowers . . .
Kiran was sleeping, facing her, and Varan was nestled against her back. Two warm bolsters to keep her warm in the night, and Meredith felt very comfortable. She lay there, eyes closed and still more than half asleep. Varan stirred, her tail twined loosely around the palomino mare’s legs sliding against her fetlocks.
Her mind was still more asleep than awake, reliving parts of what had happened earlier in the night. Unbidden, it pieced together fragments and impressions and concocted a dream, a dream of the three of them.
Meredith smiled, snuggling closer to the kam and the vir and drifting back to sleep.
end
Thursday Prompt story
© 2018 by Walter D. Reimer
Prompt: occurrence
Nostrils flared, drinking in the deep mixture of three mingled musks. Her own was – well, her own; she’d been aware of it since puberty, at least. Varan’s was heavier, yet sharper. The third caused her to stir slightly, the fragrance still not quite familiar to her.
Kiran, yes, and her mind affixed the kam’s name to the smell, like putting a label on a jar. The usual sulfur-rich scent of the Kashlani was there, naturally, along with an almost floral note that amused her still-sleeping mind. Kami smelled like flowers . . .
Kiran was sleeping, facing her, and Varan was nestled against her back. Two warm bolsters to keep her warm in the night, and Meredith felt very comfortable. She lay there, eyes closed and still more than half asleep. Varan stirred, her tail twined loosely around the palomino mare’s legs sliding against her fetlocks.
Her mind was still more asleep than awake, reliving parts of what had happened earlier in the night. Unbidden, it pieced together fragments and impressions and concocted a dream, a dream of the three of them.
Meredith smiled, snuggling closer to the kam and the vir and drifting back to sleep.
end
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Alien (Other)
Size 120 x 92px
File Size 35.4 kB
Listed in Folders
This is a really nice prompt! As I read through it, I feel like my mind is drifting as well. Not necessarily a bad thing in this case, as you mention that you wanted it to feel like Meredith was drifting from waking on the morning after a big party. So this effect works rather well. I think it needs a few fixes in terms of grammar, such as the use of the em/en dash, but overall it's a great short prompt!
Looking forward to seeing more awesome work!
Looking forward to seeing more awesome work!
Ah ok. That works pretty well then. I'm currently studying Copy and Line Editing at my university, and we looked into the hyphens and their use. I like the reasoning there, and it sounds solid.
You're very welcome for the critique! I remember from my past and writing stories that I'd be worried about not getting a comment, so I often give comments back. Something constructive if I can, and offer encouragement. I find it helps far more than a "fav-and-run" haha.
You're very welcome for the critique! I remember from my past and writing stories that I'd be worried about not getting a comment, so I often give comments back. Something constructive if I can, and offer encouragement. I find it helps far more than a "fav-and-run" haha.
Quite evocative and most pleasant to imagine.
Unfortunately I cannot relate to it. My brain has been misused through too many late nights and an overindulgence of caffeine to the point it is either "on" or "off". There is no longer any middle ground concerning my states of consciousness and un.
Unfortunately I cannot relate to it. My brain has been misused through too many late nights and an overindulgence of caffeine to the point it is either "on" or "off". There is no longer any middle ground concerning my states of consciousness and un.
I'm just gonna be a wet blanket here. It's hard enough to sleep with one other person, much less two, much less in the middle.
Despite this personal misgiving, the scene still managed to relate a sense of comfort. I'd have gone for a bit more fractious description of Meredith's thoughts and less actual description of the scene visually, to better accomplish placing the reader into Meredith's close-eyed half-dreaming perspective.
My favorite part was the thought about flowers. That perfectly encapsulated, unfinished thought was the most true to the scene, making it personal, immersive, and amusing.
Despite this personal misgiving, the scene still managed to relate a sense of comfort. I'd have gone for a bit more fractious description of Meredith's thoughts and less actual description of the scene visually, to better accomplish placing the reader into Meredith's close-eyed half-dreaming perspective.
My favorite part was the thought about flowers. That perfectly encapsulated, unfinished thought was the most true to the scene, making it personal, immersive, and amusing.
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