subtle...sensual....love it!!!

thanks you :)

I can't find any rythm. Well, maybe lines 4-6,8,10, and 12 of stanza 1 begin to approach a sort of tetrameter with a long first foot. One or two line-end rhymes, I guess. And a couple interesting touches of alliterataion. It mostly comes across without anything to distinguish it from ordinary writing (chopping the lines up doesn't count :) ), and poetry is in essence, meaningful rythmic speech.

One thing that might help would be to say your work aloud, in an ordinary speaking pattern. It helps with hearing rythm of various kinds alot, and to distinguish prose from poetry.

I also find it helps to write out ideas about what the overall idea is of what you want to say, and what poingnant remarks you can work into a poem. After reading this the strongest point I get out of it is your own uncertainty and self deprication. Which can be meaningful to say, especially if its honest.

And, I realize it often seems just like... the thing to do, to use clichés in poems, but the truth is, they usually just sound insincere. It seems like "made for new beginnings" has that problem-- if it was a feature you wanted to emphasize, it might be better to allude to that same aspect of yourself earlier. Or I mean, maybe it's supposed to be ironic. If the way you used it were stronger, it could be cool.

I think you want "it's about time I try again," or something like. "Comes a time I have to try again, and it's about that time."

Anyway, in several ways, the first four lines are probably the strongest. I write a lot of things that end up including a lot of unecessary afterthought. You might try cutting this thought to the bone. Saying very little is often effective in a poem.

thanks for all the tips :)
and about the rhythmic thing.
it's a song so somethings are held longer than others.
most my poems are songs, really.